Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
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born again swimmingly

learn how to swim like a baby
  (+12, -10)
(+12, -10)
  [vote for,

Many adults never learned how to swim, yet all have the innate ability to do so from birth. This is proven by those who give birth under water, their offspring propelling themselves like tadpoles in their new found liquid medium.

The idea is to reawaken this ability, that otherwise lies dormant in every adult. Those undertaking the training are taken to a cocoon like pod, the interior of which recreates as closely as possible a sensory replica of time spent in the womb.

Once safely zipped inside the pod, a distant heart beat, along with all the other warm and pleasant sensations of pre-birth, surround the trainee, who soon drifts off into a euphoric sleeping state. Alpha rhythms and other vital signs are closely monitored until the optimum conditions arrive, matching that of a baby's just before birth. At this point the pod is programmed to contract, forcing the adult through a narrow orifice that is connected to the wall of a swimming pool.

The adult emerges under water, their instinct for swimming ability instantly re-activated. They paddle happily away, more frog than tadpole, but nevertheless Born Again Swimmingly.

xenzag, Nov 03 2005


       If it's not good we'll be waiting for you in front of your house with pitchforks and flaming torches. But I'm sure you won't disappoint us.
Machiavelli, Nov 03 2005

       Did anybody think to check the time? He says it's evening, but the halfbakery being temporally polylocal and all...
lurch, Nov 03 2005

       Are you sure you aren't just raising the expectations for your idea. Hopefully it will be good. Otherwise we'll set [Mach] on you.
hidden truths, Nov 03 2005

       This is a joint effort, you'll be coming with me, [h_t]. We'll roast hot dogs later and talk about how fun it was storming [xen]'s house.
Machiavelli, Nov 03 2005

       ooooh, can I come?
po, Nov 03 2005

       in the style of [benfrost]
po, Nov 03 2005

       It just sits here like a sign that's placed in front of a private car parking space.
skinflaps, Nov 03 2005

       [marked–fer–deletion], widely known to exist, in the mind of xenzag.
Shz, Nov 03 2005

       This is probably the first idea to get MFD'd before actually being posted.
hidden truths, Nov 03 2005

       I think I can hear a car coming up the drive.
skinflaps, Nov 03 2005

       It could set the record for most fishbones removed.
Shz, Nov 03 2005

       What no benefit of the doubt? I say, all ideas are innocent until proven guilty. + temporary optimist croissant :-)
Zuzu, Nov 03 2005

       It's fitting that it's about swimming, and then leaving the equivalent of a towel on the deck-chair.
Ling, Nov 03 2005

       Clearly it’s about water birth, or fish that soli-… um, or soliciting fish.
Shz, Nov 03 2005

       maybe he was baptised in the river Jordan.
dentworth, Nov 03 2005

       It's about the aquatic ape
theircompetitor, Nov 03 2005

       or reincarnating as a dolphin
po, Nov 03 2005

       Baptist swimming-pool church services?   

       And in Jesus' name, thou shalt do 20 lengths for the glory of our ever merciful and benificient Lord.
And the sign said, may there be no spitting, or running by the pool. And there was none.
And the other sign said (with illustrations) let there be no smoking, or bombing, or petting.
And lo, there was none.
And everything was good.
And the Lifeguard did watcheth over them, and tell them to get out after their time was up because yea, their armband was orange.
And the blue armbanded school party came thronging into the pool for their 45 minutes, and it was good.
And there was much rejoicing and diving in off the side and getting in the way of the poor old pensioners who forgot that today was the school-pool day.
And yea the lifeguard did chat up the sixth-formers, and show them his muscles.
And yea, in the observation area, a boy read unto his comic books, because he had a veruca.
And it was good.
zen_tom, Nov 03 2005

       Fecking brilliant, [zt]. You should print that out and post it at public pools.
Machiavelli, Nov 03 2005

       ps all welcome at my house any time - gates open and fire permanently lit to dry out the new swimming team.
xenzag, Nov 03 2005

       Ah! The idea arrives, excellent.   

       A question: is the pod filled with fake amniotic fluid, or similar and if so, how does the trainee breath?
calum, Nov 04 2005

       of course, the problem is that babies, as opposed to adults, don't have any memories of: stories of people drowning, actually experiencing the panic of not being able to breathe, the worry about what all that water will do to one's expensive hairstyle, the knowledge that someone has probably pee'd in the water (or worse) etc.   

       & the idea of throwing newborn babies into the water to teach them to swim is an old one.
po, Nov 04 2005

       Babies have reflexes which neurologically typical adults haven't. I would think that babies can swim, and presumably this can be perpetuated if kept alive from an early age, because it's a primitive reflex. Primitive reflexes do return in adults, but only when they've had severe brain damage and are in a coma, which conjures up the image of comatose patients going for a swim. Maybe that could happen and also be a form of physiotherapy for them.
nineteenthly, Nov 04 2005

       I suspect that at least some of the eleven fishbones are a reflex action prompted by clicking on an empty idea ("What a waste of my time [which is mildly ironic, in the context], arg! Fishbone!"). Plus, other users will filter an idea from their views by tagging it with a negative vote. Fundamentally, though, votes don't matter.
calum, Nov 04 2005

       What calum said.   

       + for the idea although I'm not too keen on being dumped into a swimming pool whilst I'm having a nice kip, I have to say.
DrBob, Nov 04 2005

       I find the preemptive fish pile quite humorous. Betcha won’t do that again, though. :) Subtract one fish, as this certainly is halfbaked, but I'm staying neutral because I agree with [po] and [nineteenthly]. Don't delete it, it was fun.
Shz, Nov 04 2005

       I'm with [Shz] here [xenzag] please don't delete this one - I think it's fun, not just the idea itself, but the initial reactions to an initially empty idea - including [Shz]'s (purposefully borked) mfd tag.
zen_tom, Nov 04 2005

       Yep, it's not often the fishbones around these parts get to grin and sometimes, just sometimes they may bloom into a flakey pastry bun.
skinflaps, Nov 04 2005

       Interesting idea you've got here, [xen]! No weenie roast at your house after all. *sniff*
Machiavelli, Nov 05 2005

       Have reversed my fishbone. I bet this would be reasonably easy to test.
PollyNo9, Nov 09 2005


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