Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Almost as great as sliced bread.

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Install vending machine and money changer
  [vote for,

We're all aware of the economic down turn in the global economy. I don't know about the rest of you, but i've been hit harder than a sadomasochist on a week night.

It was the day before christmas and it suddenly dawned on me that Mr Claus was coming in a couple of days and there wasn't a mince pie, carrot, or a drop of brandy in the house. Shit, i says, more expense on this season of goodwill to all men.

I jumped in the 4 by 4 and off roaded down to the quicky mart. I grabbed my bits and bobs and made for the check out. It was on the way that i spotted a vending machine, stocked full of goodies. I looked down at Mr Claus's treats and you know what i did, yep, i pictured those baby's behind that vending glass and i imagined old Mr Claus fumbling around in his big red slacks for some change.

So thats what i did, i went out into the parking lot, stuck the 4 by into reverse and slammed her into the quicky mart's big front window. Shoved the vendor and the change machine in the back of her and pissed it home before the local constabulary got wind of my crazy christmas eve capers. Got home, loaded the vendor up with the brandy etc and slept soundly that christmas eve night.

If mr claus wants some goodies when he comes into my house, he's gonna goddamn pay for them.

That was a handy penny saving scheme brought to you by the clove brothers.

garlic twins, Jan 09 2002



       I feel I should explain why:   

       a) I believe a joke about a smash-and-grab raid falls in the ha-ha X clause (see help)
b) I don't like swearing that is supposed to be cool
c) I found it nausiating to read
d) It's not funny


tobythepig, Jan 09 2002

       Presumably Mr. Claus would be delivering some goodies for your consumption. Quid pro quo. You pay up too, then. No pennies saved - in fact, depending on what he brings along for you two, you'd be out money on this deal.
waugsqueke, Jan 09 2002

       I'm vetoing the [m-f-d] tag. I don't like the style, either, but the idea itself (putting the cookies one leaves for Santa into a vending machine) is fairly normal failed satirical halfbakery fare.
jutta, Jan 09 2002

       [jutta] Okydoke. I wasn't sure if I should [m-f-d] or not anyway. In fact I was half expecting a flame for doing so as the first annotation :)
tobythepig, Jan 10 2002

       Toby the pig, i find your criticism of my last input nausiatingly fannyish. What cursing do you refer to, what the 'shit' or the 'goddamn'. Are you an envangelicist bible thumper, who abhor's all thought of drinking, gambling, fornication etc. Grow up you fruitcake. Your didn't find it funny? It wasn't supposed to be funny. I was merely recounting my christmas eve for you all. This isn't an idea. This is real life mannnn.   

       Jutta. Mannn, do you not like my style? Oh mannn, that hurts, that really fuckin hurts. And i didnt say anything about fuckin cookies. You goddamn yanks and your fuckin cookies. They were mince pies you prick. I didn't realise everyones new years resolution was to get on like a couple of old ladies.   

       Garlic twins, and we're in a bit of a lather.
garlic twins, Jan 10 2002

       Hey, twins, how's the Dale Carnegie course coming along?
waugsqueke, Jan 10 2002

       did we ever get that [user m-f-d] button sorted out?
lewisgirl, Jan 10 2002

       "This isn't an idea. This is real life mannnn." [garlic twins]

If it isn't an idea, and you've actually done it, then it is BAKED, and therefore not appropriate material for this site.

I do find something attractive about your writing style. But beyond that, the comportment of your posting is excessively juvenile. It's just rude. No, we're not a bunch of old ladies. Sex, drugs, swearing - none are shocking or offensive here in and of themselves. Read more of the ideas on this site, to get a better sense of what passes for manners around here.

Of course, if loud, rude, and juvenile was the style you're after, then you've hit your mark.
quarterbaker, Jan 10 2002

       Baked or not quarterbaker theres a time and a place for everything and i thought this was it. I apologise for my idea not reaching the high standard that you have been setting as of late. You really have some fiendishly quirky ideas going on there.   

       Manners quarterbaker? You are an old lady. Your getting on like this is an on-line 'church meeting', "who is taking the minutes around here. Vicar, wheres the vicar, quarter baker's out of line." Don't go banging on about juvenility to me sonny jim. I'm old enough to be your brother, ye old fart ye. aaahhh, blissmiss, he said fart, ahhhhh he's so juvenile. Jutta is there anyway of getting this repribate ejected from our 'crazy little gang'.   

       You yanks are the most backward, jumped up little fucks on the planet. Three hundred million rednecks with little care or understanding for the rest of the world. You call me juvenile?
garlic twins, Jan 10 2002

       You might be surprised who you're calling Yanks.   

       The idea might have had some merit, twins, had you not starting blabbering on after eating a bag of asshole cookies.
waugsqueke, Jan 10 2002

       garlic twins - No, I didn't call you juvenile, I called your manners juvenile. But your continued efforts to be offensive render that distinction meaningless in your case.
quarterbaker, Jan 10 2002

thumbwax, Jan 10 2002

       Ah, but "Shrinking Fields" was a good one. There's potential. Maybe we can think of this as a phase of Garlic Twin's work that is not as favored as other phases.
bristolz, Jan 10 2002

       thumbwax - it is soooo hard to stop
quarterbaker, Jan 10 2002

       Hey, yes, I remember those. 50 cents admission, 2 hours of skating. Did you have to reverse direction every half hour too?
waugsqueke, Jan 10 2002

       Yes we did - I won the rumba or samba or whatever competition at a friends birthday party once - I suppose we were all about 12
thumbwax, Jan 10 2002

       Apologies, apologies. I have spoken without thinking and therefore am a fool.   

       For the americans listening, i do not dislike you per se. Its merely your dysfunctional leader who i have a loathing for.   

       Sorry guys, i am a dick.
garlic twins, Jan 15 2002

       Cool. Now let's push on.
bristolz, Jan 15 2002

       Seeing as the season of goodness and God'leyhoo is aproaching and that i think this is the most hysterical rant so far upon my intertravelory experience upon the halfbakery it should be brought forward,it would be interestig to see what the Garlic twins have in store this season.
skinflaps, Sep 25 2002

       ahh garlic twins you take me back to my early days, what fun I had, but then I got sick of my good ideas as well as my intentionally pointless ideas being shot down. hmmm maby I should make an alias to continue with all those pointless ideas I've been thinking off lately
Gulherme, Sep 25 2002


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