Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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coin-operated bullet proof vest

a place for your loose change.
  (+38, -3)(+38, -3)(+38, -3)
(+38, -3)
  [vote for,

save your pockets from wear & tear and be protected from stray fire at the same time.

slots at the top of the vest both front and back near the neck allow the wearer to deposit silver in the front and bronze at the back. the extra weight from the bronze helps maintain good posture.

the coins slide down channels sewn into the cloth, a nice slippery material such as re-inforced silk ( I believe silk was used in early versions of bullet protection) and then stack up against each other in columns. The design could take into consideration perhaps the need to have closer fitting channels in areas of the body more prone to lethal damage such as the heart.

all channels lead to a coin return exit slot sealed with velcro at the waist, just handy for making small cash payments as required.

po, Mar 24 2006

5 yen coin http://commons.wiki...ge:GoEnDamaScan.jpg
Beware cheap foreign imitation vests! [ConsulFlaminicus, Mar 30 2006]


       Can it sort your change into different denominations like those moneyboxes we used to have when we were little?
wagster, Mar 24 2006

       <imagines po leaning over the coin change machine at Sainsburys once the jacket is full> "Ka-ching", ticket pops out worth £200.
skinflaps, Mar 24 2006

       I was envisaging some kind of thing like that, wag. a bit like those penny arcade things...
po, Mar 24 2006

       Pssst, why is this under life jacket? (abit heavy, me thinks)
skinflaps, Mar 24 2006

       On the proviso that it will actually sort change, I will give you a croissant that I bought with 5x5p, 10x2p and 5x1p.
wagster, Mar 24 2006

       pssst, product: armor? or fashion,coat?
skinflaps, Mar 24 2006

       psssst. hows this?   

       pssssst? bit early isn't it?
po, Mar 24 2006

       pssssssst! I couldn't possibly start working this early.
wagster, Mar 24 2006

       I meant showing signs of psssstness :)
po, Mar 24 2006

       Shhhhh..shime countssing my beers shmoney in shmy coat. Perfect.
skinflaps, Mar 24 2006

       Ahh. I shee.
wagster, Mar 24 2006

       What? No music? No mysterious metal that doesn't exist? Excellent.   

       "How's your cobp vest working for you?"   

       "Oh, it's fine. I still have to save a little more money. Everthing above my left nipple and right shoulder blade is still exposed, but, God willing, I should be covered before my next battle."
NotTheSharpestSpoon, Mar 24 2006

       Canadian loonies and twonies are exceptionally light and barely worth a plug nickel so they ought to be ideal for this.   

       I thought this was maybe going to be a sort of protection racket, of the sort Doug and Dinsdale Pirahna might have organised.
coprocephalous, Mar 24 2006

       The US version makes cents. Apologies...
sophocles, Mar 25 2006

       With transparent material and divided columns it could be used for collecting coins, too. Just don't get shot in a spot you haven't yet filled.
Shz, Mar 25 2006

       I was thinking of a transparent version too, but because it would look so styling.
bungston, Mar 26 2006

       Wouldn't a transparant version just allow them to see the unfilled areas of the armor?
Germanicus, Mar 26 2006

       Wow, do you Europeans still mint silver coins? Around here the money is made from worthless scrap. Perfect for absorbing bullets.
DarkEnergy, Mar 26 2006

       Yeah. You and your fancy "quid." We have to get by on nickel and copper.   

       Which is funny, since America is so disgustingly rich, we should have currency made from platinum or something equally garish and expensive.
notmarkflynn, Mar 27 2006

       Plus, for the larger individual, the weight of all that metal would help them work off the pounds!   

       Just don't try taking this through an airport metal detector.
Texbinder, Mar 27 2006

calum, Mar 27 2006

po, Mar 27 2006

       anyone thought about the fact that wearing such armour would turn one into moving target?   

       i visualize: a thieve, holding a gun and aiming towards the head: :   

       -- pour all the money you litteraly have on you or else! you don't need all those coins anyways, since i can easily shoot you in the head !
sweet, Mar 27 2006

       on the other hand, if version = transparent, it would be great to wear when going to the beach [+]
sweet, Mar 27 2006

       If you can get the coins to overlap like so /////// you'd have something very similar to the latest Dragonskin bulletproof vests.
baconbrain, Mar 28 2006

       Super. Tempted to bake it for the art look alone.   

       Overlaying layers of copper and silvery coins for fashionable stripes, or predetermined coin slot drop for a picture effect, perhaps a shield of arms, family crest, or contemporary symbolism statement.   

       Of course one could use loonies(of which I've spent many), and have quite the gold bullet proof shield.
nth, Mar 29 2006

       my mate Pauline who I have mentioned here before thinks that a wad of notes slapped on the back is very warming in a wind... she does playground duty and I believe every word.
po, Mar 29 2006

       "...hey, can I borrow a quarter?" "Uh.. sure.. here you go.." "Thank you very-" POW! POW! POW! "Gimme my quarter back! I need protection!"
Jscotty, Mar 30 2006

       I like the idea but the practical application concerns me a bit. Anyone wearing one of these will spend most of their life being bundled into dark alleyways and mugged by drug addicts.
DrBob, Mar 30 2006

       bundle up your vest, hold by the sleeves and clobber 'em with it.
po, Mar 30 2006

       she's dangerous...
The Kat, Mar 30 2006

       //hold by the sleeves//
Nice one [po]
methinksnot, Mar 30 2006

       Urm, to point out the (not so?) obvious, wouldn't this tend to make you more of a target? I mean, walking around with all that money, even if it were only pennies... You'd have at least fifty bucks worth of pennies, and if it were dimes, or quarters, you would be carrying around several hundred dollars.
DesertFox, Mar 31 2006

       I'd look a million dollars in mine! [KERching! Bun]   

       But hang on... next time I'm on the bus, and my Oyster card's skint, what will I do when the driver/conductor asks for the right change? I'll be hunting down arms and chest for ages... also, may have a problem hanging the coat up exotic Tungsten-Deuterium-Vanadium alloy hooks will have to be developed and door-hinges will have to be souped-up!   

       Ah, and will it be Euro compatible? Eh? - Not that we're going that way - What with the decimalisation fiasco last time, which I'm sure all Brits of a certain age will remember!   

       Traveling on planes'll be a problem too, nowadays.   

       Can I have my bun ba?...oh, you've eaten it! Never mind.
Dub, Mar 31 2006

       stick your euros wherever feels most comfortable m'dear.
po, Apr 01 2006

The Kat, Apr 01 2006

       :( They keep dropping out!
Dub, Apr 02 2006

       //I'd look a million dollars in mine// You'd *need* a million dollars ;-)
AbsintheWithoutLeave, Apr 02 2006

punk_punker, Apr 02 2006

       Stupid? hah, bless - words from the wise!
po, Jun 04 2006

       I remember when, I remember,
I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase
Even your emotions had to let go
In so much space

       And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

       Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy
Does that make me crazy

       And I hope that you are having
the time of your life
but think twice, that's my only advice
Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you,
who do you think you are,
Ha ha ha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

       Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

       My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

       Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
po, Jun 04 2006

       sp: bullet
po, Jun 04 2006

       add some garlic flaps, go for vampire-proof!
epicproblem, Jun 04 2006

       must consult skin first
po, Jun 06 2006


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