Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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lazy lasagne laser

a pocket sized hand held knife using laser technology to cut pizza, lasagne, quiche etc
  (+15, -3)(+15, -3)
(+15, -3)
  [vote for,

if you cannot fuss with those silly little wheel things, this laser knife will cut through your lunch with ease.

designed for use with optical fiber cable, giving superior cutting speed and quality of keen neat edges, while providing ease of use due to the flexible design of the cable. It radiates measured and controlled amounts of energy and minimum handwashing. machine wash not advised.

my engineering / menu consultant advises using a heavy based pan or you may end up destroying all your work surfaces. a chrome finish would tend to reflect the laser back to the pizza, rather than absorb it; though your ceiling might take a pulse or 2.

po, Jul 18 2002

Laser cut pizza http://www.halfbake...Laser_20cut_20pizza
Same idea, though a bit more specific. [phoenix, Jul 18 2002, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       I'm really sorry, po, but I have to fishbone this because it's stupidly dangerous. I've had experience of laser cutters and machine tools and the capacity for this device to cause culinary mayhem and severe injuries is almost limitless, never mind the potential for misuse.
8th of 7, Jul 18 2002

       This would enable me to throw and apple in the air and slice it before it lands, in the style of my childhood hero, Dogtanian. Croissant.
calum, Jul 18 2002

       I give you a Croissant for the reasons 8th mentioned! But please tell me this didn't originate from the infinately long REAL lightsabre post.
dag, Jul 18 2002

       I was thinking about fruit as well, some nifty shapes for parties eh?   

       dag, no I was thinking of the party in the train and the quiche I was going to take :)
po, Jul 18 2002

       To operate a laser that is powerful enough to cut with safely, you have to have eye protection and be careful with your use of it. You have to know your materials and be aware of what is underneath them. Mere mortals cannot simply pull one from their pockets and use one. Perhaps this could be more safely made as a home appliance with a joystick / crosshair directional control and eye shield built in.
polartomato, Jul 18 2002

       Safety is for suckers. Croissant!
Mr Burns, Jul 18 2002

       Croissant. Why should industry get all the good toys?

To avoid cutting your work surface, use a clear glass pizza pan, and put it over a sink partly filled with darkly colored water (it will absorb any stray pulses).

Lasers come in all kinds of different power ranges -- it is possible to have one strong enough to cut a pizza but not so strong that you could accidentally create a skylight in your kitchen.
quarterbaker, Jul 18 2002

       blown up anything interesting lately ? dear qb.
po, Jul 18 2002

       "strong enough to cut a pizza but not so strong that you could accidentally create a skylight in your kitchen." - yes, but still so very, very easy to cause appaling, deep burns, sever nerves, tendons and arteries, and cause irreversible blindness from a momentary unguarded reflection ...... I'll stick with my Sabatier knives, thank you very much.
8th of 7, Jul 18 2002

       A pocket-sized laser.. I'd want to be pretty damn sure that the safety was infallible before I put one of those in my pocket! Otherwise, sliced salami...
TwoSheds, Jul 19 2002

       Is that a sliced banana in your pocket, or are you glad to see me?
thumbwax, Jul 19 2002

       Thumbwax: redundant question, because if the "sliced banana" is the result of a laser accident, the "banana" in question will be either   

       (a) hanging by a few shreds on skin and connective tissue, spewing blood everywhere (laser cuts don't always cauteize), which is a bit of a give away.   

       (b) be completlely dislodged, and either wedged between their sock and their trouser leg, or lying in a pool of blood by their shoe.   

       They may be pleased to see you, especially if you are a Paramedic with injectable analgesics within your gift, but the loud screaming and profanity may initailiy obscure this fact.   

       Go on, then have your laser knife, see if I care .... and if you lop off bits of your body, or someone else's body, or damage your surronudings, don't complain that you weren't warned.   

       Compact laser tools already exist. The only thinks that keep them off the retail market are (i) the current high price of the equipment, which may drop substantially with the development of high power laser diodes, and (ii) the lethal hazard they present both to the user and those around them, especially the IR band lasers with an invisible beam.   

       Much as I would like a laser cutter to go alongside my electric drills, jigsaw, grinder, welder and sanders, I can forsee no way of making them safe for use by untrianed personel. I'm mildly surprised that they aren't subject to the same licensing reqirements as firearms; as beam powers go up, and size and weight come down, this may have to be considered. I haven't heard of a case where someone has died as the result of malicious use of a laser but it's only a matter of time.
8th of 7, Jul 19 2002

       So I guess the laser urinal flush idea is out
thumbwax, Jul 19 2002

       [8th] jealous, jealous, jealous......
po, Jul 19 2002

       kitchen scissors work marvelously (is that a word?) with pizzas, easily snipping through even the stringiest 'cheese pools' of melted mozzarella.
timo, Jul 19 2002

       po: Jealous ? Why should I be jealous ?
8th of 7, Jul 19 2002

       timo: why use conventional utensils when you can use laser power? Danger! Danger!
Mr Burns, Jul 19 2002

       Why not just eat the whole pizza?
angel, Jul 19 2002

       In response to Calums comment about dogtanian - would you require the apple to be cut perpendicularly to the plane in which the blade is acting just like in the credits
Milkyteaboy, Jul 19 2002

       Yes. I can do that, though. It's all in the wrist.
calum, Jul 19 2002

       //untrianed personel// unlike your staff, [8th] I just rely on my own common sense / judgement.
po, Jul 20 2002

       Hmmm..... a laser vegetable peeler sounds really appeeling to me.
polartomato, Jul 20 2002

       Maybe I need to study lasers a little more, but wouldn't you have to have a high current power supply sitting in your kitchen to make it work? Ignoring all the safety problems (cos knives are perfectly safe of course...) I like lasers, so I like this...
inc_b, Jun 24 2004

       I dint read through the megabytes of responses, but i guess nobody thought of this : A microwave like thing with a mechanical hand or some kinda device that controls the laser - The laser will work only once the door is closed. May be controlled from outside through a simple lever or may be computerised with ready made designs. Or you could first draw the design on the computer - where you can do an "undo" if you draw it wrong, instead of wasting the whole fruit or pizza. Once you draw it to your satisfaction, you can just press "cut" button and it cuts. May even have an intelligent proggie to which you can tell "8 hexagonal pieces". and you have it in seconds.
kamathln, Mar 04 2005

       [po] - I would like to present you with half a croissant for this great idea. I cannot give you a full croissant as a) it's dangerous and b) you would need a high current three-phase power supply to your home and c) you would need to give up one of your rooms to house the laser.   

       Unfortunately, while I cut the freshly baked, light and fluffy pastry in half, it was horribly squashed and spoiled by the knife and I was covered in flakes. I have therefore laser cut you another half croissant, unsquashed, unflaked and dissected into perfect little bite sized pieces, each with "Po" burnt into the top in Trebuchet MS.   

       Come to think of it, you can have both halves.
wagster, Mar 04 2005


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