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new national bird

Let's show the world who's in the 21st century with the new national bird.
  (+5, -7)
(+5, -7)
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The bald eagle is damn ugly. That's a fact. Not only that, but they're an endangered species, and they crap on things. Our national bird is unrepresentative of the land of the free and the home of the brave in this day and age. They're old-fashioned, not up to speed with the "dot-commers", "Generation X", the "fat blobs". Some may ask, "Why change it? If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Well, sir or ma'am, you're right. And while we're at it, let's live in mud huts and all die of the black plague. That's old-fashioned.

The laser is the wave of the future. This bird flies high, can kill if necessary, and protects us from harm (security systems, mole removal, etc.). The laser isn't actually a bird, or alive at all, but nor is the flag we cherish. The laser is the perfect representative of these United States - it will not burn out, comes in many colors, and is technologically advanced. The laser is tough, yet is fun to be around. Americans truly enjoy the laser pointer, pointing it at bald people, teasing animals with it, or just randomly shooting it around a room. Mention the word "laser", and it grabs attention. Try it now. Replace any word in any random news article today with the word "laser". That's more interesting! "WorldCom comes under lasers in current scandal". Yes! It's great!

So, my fellow Americans, anticipate the day that we proudly look up in the skies, with our American pride, attempt to get our fat asses out of the ratty lawn chairs we've somehow managed to get into, and see lasers, flying free, and hopefully not hitting anyone in the eye.

amandapanda, Jul 08 2002

Ben Franklin's thoughts on the topic http://www.clickond...0001113-135438.html
Though some might say that a cowardly bully is quite appropriate at the moment... [DrCurry, Jul 08 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Why stick with a bird at all? http://news.bbc.co....2131000/2131339.stm
These guys seem to have all the right qualifications. [DrBob, Jul 16 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

[link]






       lawyer bird, vulture, magpie, take your pick.   

       The laser is a good idea, that way we don't actually have to look at it.
[ sctld ], Jul 08 2002
  

       How about a mallard with it's leg in plaster?
DrBob, Jul 08 2002
  

       How about an emu with its head in the sand. That seems to embody america pretty well.
[ sctld ], Jul 08 2002
  

       Only teasing bliss.   

       Why a bird? Why not any other type of animal? Go for a great blue whale. It can have its tail slapping about in the South, and can have its big mouth in the near east, and Tony 'Jonah' Blair in its stomach.
[ sctld ], Jul 08 2002
  

       "The bald eagle is damn ugly. [...] Not only that, but [...] they crap on things."   

       At the risk of causing offence, couldn't this be regarded as appropriate given the general disregard for the environment in current US policy?
-alx, Jul 08 2002
  

       Croissant for making me laugh, an all too rare thing on the halfbakery these past few days.   

       And I'm sure not being a real bird doesn't matter. Plenty of places have dragons and suchlike as their emblems, so you could make anything you like up.
pottedstu, Jul 08 2002
  

       I'd better remove that target from my t-shirt..
[ sctld ], Jul 08 2002
  

       amandapanda, you just may get your wish.   

       You must have read the latest Avaition Week Magazine, specifically the article concerning Directed Energy Weapons (Megawatt Lasers) on military aircraft.   

       If not, you should. Seems to fit with your idea. Flying lasers...
dag, Jul 08 2002
  

       the dodo.
miss fern, Jul 09 2002
  

       A new national bird? Why? I mean, the single extended middle finger is such a longstanding, distinguished tradition and, especially since the Iranian embassy crisis (my first introduction to the gesture), is internationally understood.   

       This in contrast to the Brits' version, a sort of "V for Victory" gesture presented with the back of the hand towards the viewer, which is so obscure that visitors to their country routinely (if unwittingly) perform it when asking for two of any item in shops or restaurants. In fact, Queen Elizabeth herself flipped off her own countrymen in a horribly wrong imitation of Winston Churchill.   

       I can think of no more elegant...huh? What's that you say? Wrong kind of bird? Oh, sorry...
Guncrazy, Jul 09 2002
  

       [GunCrazy] I believe that's already the state bird of New Jersey and ought to be the city bird of Los Angeles...   

       Whatever is decided on, it could be turned into a suited mascot for the nation who could entertain crowds with his antics... sounds like the President... maybe the mascot could wear a "laser suit" rather than a leisure... the possibilities are endless.
polartomato, Jul 09 2002
  

       You mean it's *not* the official bird of LA? Oops, sorry tourists.
thumbwax, Jul 09 2002
  

       What about the futurebird?
pottedstu, Jul 09 2002
  

       "The Eagle ain't nuthin' but a glorified vulture," I heard an actor playing Teddy Rosevelt say. His preference would be the bear.   

       The Japanese admire the crane. The Mexican bird is the golden eagle--it's on their flag. The Aztecs admired the hummingbird for its agressiveness. Their main deity, Huitzilopoctli, was in fact "the hummingbird god."   

       For me, I'd choose from one of the 6 great species of birds: the sparrow, starling, pigeon, raven, gull, and Canada goose.
Great Satan, Jun 21 2003
  

       I agree with [great satan]. I'd pick the starling.
phundug, Jun 23 2003
  

       //At the risk of causing offence, couldn't this be regarded as appropriate given the general disregard for the environment in current US policy//   

       If you believe this you have a very narrow view of what is going on in the world.   

       Try going to India, Brazil, Indonesia, Mexico, China, then you'll see what disregard for the environment means.
SystemAdmin, Oct 22 2003
  

       Emu with head in sand would've been good in the 90's. Emperor penguin since WWII. But after we re-elected Bush, I think the national bird should be the lemming.
underground_uproar, Nov 14 2006
  

       SystemAdmin, this is not relevant to the idea, but while the US does spend a fair amount on pollution control, the sad thing is that both the total and the per capita CO2 emissions are extremely high in the US. Unfortunately, the US is by far the largest contributor to global warming.
jmvw, Nov 16 2006
  

       I'll second the starling. Those bastards kill and eat other birds and their young. Then they take over their nests. Heck, they'll take over and nest anywhere they can find. Perfect I'd say for this history I'm living under.
bdag, Sep 25 2009
  

       And yet another one hit wonder. [amandapanda] got her username in July of 2002, posted this idea, and was never seen again.   

       (edit) that username is on myspace, linked in, etc. I guess we don't rate repeat business. (sniff ;-)
normzone, Sep 25 2009
  
      
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