Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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peel-me-a-grape home delivery service

need to feel pampered? low on vitamin c? call our unique service
  (+13, -5)(+13, -5)
(+13, -5)
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a delivery of a bagful of fresh grapes guaranteed within 30 minutes or no charge is made.

on arrival, our highly trained peel-me-a-grape fruit technician will naturally request facilities to wash his hands, after which he will dry them carefully using a fresh paper towel from an individual & clinically pure, vacuum packed plastic packet.

when hands and nails pass your inspection, your personal grape peeler will kneel at your feet at a respectful distance, peel your *specified type of grape with the precision that we expect from our * boys * and drop the fruit carefully into your mouth.

*fruit of the day is a sweet white seedless organic grape, country of origin unknown.

any mishaps are not problematic as these guys are also trained in the heimlich manoeuvre.

po, Jan 28 2005

"Peel Me a Grape" sung by Diana Krall, one-minute samples in realaudio and windows media http://www.amazon.c...glance&s=music&st=*
Nice music for your advertisements [robinism, Feb 02 2005]

Theda Bara http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000847/
Though why anyone would spell her name backwards is beyond me. Also beyond me is her inclusion on a discussion about grape peeling. [AbsintheWithoutLeave, Feb 04 2005]

[link]






       No amount of money in the world would be enough to do this job. No heterosexual man would do it! Give in to the womenfolk like that, never!   

       //any mishaps are not problematic as these guys are also trained in the heimlich manoeuvre.//
Forget what I just said po, can I have the job? I also know CPR...
cuckoointherye, Jan 28 2005
  

       IT you move in different social circles to me - oh, wait!   

       cuckoointhenest, this service could be used by both sexes.
po, Jan 28 2005
  

       Too expensive.
0_owaffleo_0, Jan 28 2005
  

       Ok fine, I'll bun based on the assumption there are women in your employ.
cuckoointherye, Jan 28 2005
  

       <ignores O_O> who mentioned price? she must know something I don't.
po, Jan 28 2005
  

       Yuk Grapes
The Kat, Feb 01 2005
  

       Mmmm, grapes. I do like them with peels, though. Do these grape people also provide the service of feeding unpeeled grapes?
Machiavelli, Feb 01 2005
  

       Can I have a girl in a toga? Pleeeese? It would definitely have to be a 'no contact' service which would only add to the excitement.
wagster, Feb 01 2005
  

       Can I have your grape peels? (They're rich in fiber.)
robinism, Feb 02 2005
  

       //Do these grape people also provide the service of feeding unpeeled grapes?// um, that's the point really...
po, Feb 02 2005
  

       I did some experiments with small sharp semi robotic tools to do this quickly and it takes grapes to a higher level/unique experience. The fruit technician sprays hands and other food preparing surfaces with a 3% hydogen peroxide solution.
mensmaximus, Feb 02 2005
  

       tell me more...
po, Feb 03 2005
  

       Grape peeling servants are so passé. I have mine peel raisins.   

       The bot that does the grapes; well, unh, all right; razor sharp blades wack the ends off each end of a grape. Then this lipstick lid like device made of a non disclosed razor sharp thinness, slams down and then sucks up the deskinned inner core and then expels it onto cooled marble at 3 degrees celsius.   

       It then slams down twice more to produce a miniature wave cutout. These are all assembled together to make a sea of miniature grape waves. A man or a woman can be set adrift on this sea of solitary fruit for days, delirious with the pleasures of fine cutting, assembling and eating fine works of raw, primitive, fresh, sweet art.......... Only to be mildly aroused from slumber as one bobs up against a payaya rock island with banana brick roads lined with strawberry patches and palm trees made of small cantaloupe crescents and larger green melon crescents in a white melon sky with a tangerine sun. Oh, I forgot, star fruit littered the mango beaches. Swishhhhhhhh..... Swishhhhhhhh..... Swishhhhhhhh...... Did that it explain it, Po?
mensmaximus, Feb 04 2005
  

       I'm scared. Make him go away.
wagster, Feb 04 2005
  

       heh its kinda romantic. rubbish but romantic.
po, Feb 04 2005
  

       peas.
skinflaps, Feb 04 2005
  

       This is *such* a [po] idea.   

       Good work, [po]!
salachair, Feb 04 2005
  

       I must be in the top hundred people in the world who have eaten pounds of grapes this way. They taste different.   

       They should make up a centuries old tongue in cheek, peeled grape in the other, phrase about this concept.   

       Theda Bera knew all about this. Spell her backwards.
mensmaximus, Feb 04 2005
  

       as long as they are coming can they bring me a tossed salad with chicken strips and a side of ranch? hungry...
dentworth, Feb 04 2005
  

       Areb Adeht.
wagster, Feb 04 2005
  

       ?
po, Feb 04 2005
  

       Dogs would love this, since they like grapes, but don’t seem to know what to do with one when the skin is intact.
Shz, Feb 11 2005
  

       So Milan dumps its raw sewage into the Po river. Thanks for the info, Po. Hey [Ab]. Theda Bera. Bare Death. Stripping exotic fruit.
mensmaximus, Feb 21 2005
  
      
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