Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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For owners with pets of dubious sex
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(+3, -2)
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There are a lot of informational web sites to help you determine the sex of your immature hamster, goldfish, turtle, bird, etc. But even if you follow the instructions, you might just determine it wrong - like I did, now the proud owner of a couple of lesbian goldfish. I mean, you can figure it out eventually, but if you wait until they mature, you might e.g. have no extra room to add the third fish of the right age and right sex.

So why not let an expert help you? Go to sex-a-pet.com, send in a digital photo of that vital part of your pet, and receive a certified determination via email, for a small fee. You can also get the one-year, three-year, or lifetime guarantee plan when you buy your pet (of now known sex) a mate through their internet order system - if they are not producing offspring in a year or so, you get money back AND a replacement mate (for expensive animals, you have to go get your pets checked at a certified pet dealer/vet for this refund option, because the customer could have neutered one of the pair).

You can release your pet photo to the site, which will run a pet porn (over 18 only) business on the side. The training course offered to new employees will open lucrative career paths to unemployed biology majors (I hear chick sexing experts are highly paid and in high demand).

hedgehoga, Oct 07 2003


       Pete and Dud were correctly sexed as boys when they had their first trip to the vet for their vaccinations. Cost nothing extra.   

       So I'd say this redundant for animals that need trips to the vet. For others, such as your lesbian goldfish, I accept that your photo website sexing service may well fit the bill.
jonthegeologist, Oct 07 2003

       Where do i take my slow worm ?
skinflaps, Oct 07 2003

       You could scan your hamster.
waugsqueke, Oct 07 2003

       aside "waiting for a link please"
skinflaps, Oct 07 2003

       Build it and they will come. Or not. You're about four years too late with this proposal.
DrCurry, Oct 07 2003

       The title had me soo scared...
RayfordSteele, Oct 07 2003

       you're easily scared - BOO
po, Oct 07 2003

RayfordSteele, Oct 07 2003

       Keep in mind that you just can't tell in some animals until they grow up. Amy our male tortoise and the expert who gave her to me will vouch for that.
Worldgineer, Oct 07 2003

       between them what did they produce? //Amy our male tortoise and the expert who gave her to me //
po, Oct 07 2003

       I think they produced a sexual identity crisis.
Cedar Park, Oct 07 2003

       Or a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
FarmerJohn, Oct 08 2003

       I owned a parrot, named "Che", since it was a baby. I raised Che myself, taught it words and phrases (very funny, by the way) among other things like self-defense (I had two cats back then). My Dog actually feared Che. I was literally Che's mother... but I never knew its sex, and I didn't think it mattered at all because parrots don't mate unless they're in the wild.   

       I don't think owners should care much about their "pets of dubious sex". Most of the times knowing doesn't change anything.
Pericles, Oct 08 2003

       ...As demonstrated by Amy the male tortoise.
k_sra, Oct 08 2003

       You could do it easily and reliably for pretty much any species (even slow worms) based on the DNA. Just send in a [plucked hair/feather/tusk/scale/ quill/discarded cigarette butt - please delete as appropriate] from the creature in question, and use PCR to look for a couple of known sex-chromosome- specific DNA sequences from the species in question. I think this is already done for parrots. The only problem would be platypuses, which I think have something like seven different sex chromosomes, presumably because they do not have much else to amuse themselves with. Come to think of it, how _do_ parrots know what sex their prospective mate is? Presumably they don't do a PCR first...
Basepair, Nov 17 2004

       // Come to think of it, how _do_ parrots know what sex their prospective mate is? //   

       Do they really care? Maybe parrots are like those damn monkeys, going at it like knives the whole time with male, female and young alike.
Salmon Of Doubt, Nov 12 2005

       Well this is considerably less disgusting than I was expecting from the idea name.
hidden truths, Nov 12 2005

       Parrots conform to the behavioral "shimmy-shake" sex determination principle as first posed by Dr. Nueroblat in the early '60s. Female parrots tend to shimmy whilst the male parrots are more prone to shake.
Zuzu, Nov 12 2005


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