Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
It's as much a hovercraft as a pancake is a waffle.

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This user account was destroyed in a disk crash in October 2004. It was slowly and painstakingly reconstructed at great cost. A complete waste of time and resources.

"I thought I had a great idea. but it never really took off. In fact, it didn't even get on the runway. I guess you could say it exploded in the hangar."
"I've had ideas like that."

stupidity is it's own cure

I praise what I think is praiseworthy. I flame what I think is Flameworthy. I defend what I think is defensible. I attack what I think is vulnerable. I play by the rules. I point out the rules to the ignorant... with extreme prejudice.

First they went after the smokers. I didn't say anything because I don't smoke. Then they went after the SUV drivers. I didn't say anything because I don't drive an SUV. Next they went after the fast food eaters. I didn't say anything because I don't eat fast food. Finally, they went after the gun owners. That was a mistake because, well, we have guns.


"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped."
-Elbert Hubbard

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
-George Carlin

"Making everybody in the whole world do something is outside the scope of the halfbakery."

"It is conceivable that there could be a funny and satirical, yet factually reprehensible idea, that (if it were to be placed before you) you could regard kindly. 'Oh!' you might say, 'You have demonstrated to me my humanity with broad and cunning strokes; come here, sibling human, let me embrace you, let's get drunk together, because after all, which of us could not be lured into watching criminals beat each other to death, if the trailer looks promising.' but this is not one."

"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition of alchohol did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on Earth."
-Will Rogers

"eff the ineffible."
-Terry Pratchett



HBGC e++ p s++ g- b- a+

All other things being equal, fat people use more soap.

If you absotively MUST reach me, you can e-mail...

random cheese 2005 at yahoo dot com

I might answer...


Ten things to keep in mind if you decide to become an Evil overlord:

1) When you've captured your adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" Say, "No." and shoot him... On second thought, shoot him then say "No."

2) Do not interrogate your enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside your borders will work just as well.

3) No matter how tempted you are with the prospect of unlimited power, do not consume any energy field bigger than your head.

4) No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill you. Therefore, think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to your bedchamber.

5) Do not turn into a snake. It never helps.

6) If you learn the whereabouts of the one artifact, which can destroy you, do not send all your troops out to seize it. Instead, send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want Ad in the local paper.

7) If the beautiful princess that you capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!” just say "Oh well" and kill her.

8) Your Legions of Terror should be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters should be used for target practice.

9) If your advisors ask, "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?” do not proceed until you have a response that satisfies them.

10) If you decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

[Oct 04 2004, last modified Apr 02 2006]

(+3, -1) AutoBahn-Bons
(+1) Bakin' at the Baker's Ball
(+6, -1) Color Changing Waterfight Vest
(+4, -3) Do-it-yourself amputation kit
(+3) Easy Sudoku Solving Tool
(+2) Flannelman
(+12, -1)(+12, -1) G.N.O.M.E.™ Defense
(+2, -1) I am Spam. Spam I am.
(+4, -1) Invisible Ink Level Indicator
 Lanesplitting indicator
(+7, -2) Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be 'Bakers
 Marketing Idea
 Modern Minor Baking Individual
(+7) Modular Homes
(+1) "No Sweat" Pillow
(+1) pay-me phone
(+1) Periodic Tablecloth of the Elements.
(+1) Pick-up Bed Sheets
(+7) Plastic Jesus Shaped Radar/Laser Detector
(+13)(+13) RFID Proximity Kill Switch
(+10, -3) Ski Rack for your Motorcycle
(+1) Smart Blanket
(+9, -3) Tilt-activated Turn-signal Termination
(+6, -3) Tonal Aiming Assistance

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