h a l f b a k e r y
Contrary to popular belief
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In light of recent movies such as "Spy Kids", "Mission Impossible 2" and "The World is Not Enough" (or any James Bond movie for that matter), I think a spy movie should be made that tells the truth, however disgusting it is, in an impartial documentary style. I say this because America's perception of
spies is comical- completely reversed. Truthfully, it would be more like trainspotting, without the wit or humor. Spies are often portrayed as handsome, wealthy, well equiped, extensive elitist private lives, and brilliant. The only one that would hold true is thier intelligence. Spies, by most counts, are not by any means attractive, nor exceptionally ugly. They normally operate with equipment older than them, not made from thier own country. And thier private lives- to many spies, spying is thier private life, but when they do have time off, as people, they are normally socially dysfunctional indivinduals (in mild terms), with only meager settings to return to at the end of the day.
One thing you can never do is trust a spy. Most (no solid numbers here- I'd guess around 75-85%) American spies are not American; it's much easier to do horrible things to a person already in place than introduce a new one. And how is most of this done? A lot of people on this side of the intelligence business stick have severe substance abuse problems.
So what would this movie be like? A bunch of people steaked out in a hotel room with cameras and telescopes, taking turns watching things while some shoot up in the backroom. Long stretches of nothing with small flashes of action inbetween. Scenes of maniuplating drug addicts into doing things for you. Rape. Murder. Extortion. This would be the real spy movie.
Of course you ask "But why would anyone want to watch it?" I have no idea. That's not something I was worrying about.
Falcon & Snowman at IMDB
[sirrobin, Sep 20 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]
||<sp>their</sp> Delete this annotation after you've read it
(it'll self-destruct in 20 seconds anyway).
||Movies like this are not made because no one would want to watch them, thus they would be a waste of money.
||The only way I'd find this interesting is if it were a documentary, and then how would one go about with a spy documentary? Wouldn't that therefore expose this spy to the foreign country?
Foreign President: "Hello, Mr. Imnotaspy. Are you ready for our ultra-secret meeting about ultra-secret-ultra-secrets going on within this country?"
Spy: "Why yes, Mr. Foreign President. Just let me press the red button on this device that isn't a tape recorder and we'll get going."
Foreign President: "Yes, excellent idea. Wait a minute, who are these people around you with cameras and microphones?"
Filmmaker: "We're shooting a documentary about spies including Mr. Imnotaspy. Just ignore us."
Spy: "Uhh, he's just kidding. That's my, um, assistant! He, err, makes...sure...my...shoes are tied!"
Foreign President: "Very well. Now, here are those highly sensitive security files you asked for and--WAIT A MINUTE!"
Spy: "Ack!" eats cyanide pill and dies
||<pedant>sp: "staked" out, as when one establishes the perimeter of his tent by securing its perifery with stakes in the ground.</pedant>
||Baked. "The Falcon and the Snowman."
||UnaBubba: Quiller! I mourned when Elleston Trevor/Adam Hall died. My wife woke me the morning the WTC towers were destroyed with the words "Wake up--we're living in a Quiller novel." Which, if you've read the books, is not pleasant. And it still isn't.