Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Superficial Intelligence

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.

user:
pass:
register,


     

Please log in.
Before you can vote, you need to register. Please log in or create an account.

Agressive Shopping Prosthetics

Don't miss out on the bargains.
  (+3, -2)
(+3, -2)
  [vote for,
against]

Entering busiy retail locations both before Christmas and in the post-Christmas sales rush can be a stressful and dangerous experience.

But now, BorgCo are able to offer a solution to this previuosly intractable seasonal problem.

Simply forcing a path to the front of the queue can be a social faux-pas, and may result in serious personal injury. However, to ensure a smooth and contention-free path, it is merely necessary to purchase a selection of items from the new BorgCo range of agressive prosthetics.

Already available are:

The BorgCo fake steel-toecapped leg cast; fabricated from durable polyester, with a convenient easy-on-easy-off fastener system, once attached this realistic adjunct is indistiguishable from a professionally applied protection from a lower-limb injury, yet is wel, paded and will allow the wearer to kick their way to the front of the crowd in nect to no time. The package is bundled with a specially weighted elbow-crutch quite capable of permanently crippling anyone who stands in your way.

The BorgCo fake arm cast, similary crafted for comfort, with a convincing neck strap, and incorporating a pressure sensor which triggers the delivery of a noticeable electric shock to the wearer whenever the unit makes contact with another person, rerminding you to wince convincingly, and thus ensuring an immediate apology and a free passage.

The BorgCo eyepatch, in both "temporary bandage" and "permanent sight loss" versions, which has a gauze aperture permitting uninterupted binocular vision (thus ensuring rapit aqusition of target bargain items) while giving a totally convincing appearance of compassion-worthy visual impariment. May be combined with the BorgCo white stick, capable of delivering a 5000V shock to the lower leg and heavy enough to cause compound fractures of both tibia and fibula if deployed according to the user guide.

We also offer on reasonable lease terms the BorgCo Seeing-Eye Guide Dog, trained to yelp as if a paw has just been heavily trodden on (while bludgeoning its way thorugh a packed crowd) thus attracting the reproachful glares of the assembled multitude upon the assumed tread-ee, and to slobber, urinate and ultimately defecate upon any individual foolish enough to attempt to bar its (and your) path.

Other devices will be offfered in the near future.

8th of 7, Dec 28 2010

BorgCo Shopping Prosthetics http://springfieldp...-marvel-day-27.html
[Jinbish, Dec 28 2010]

[link]






       Or wear the uniform of the shop, and carry your selections to the front of the line for business related activities, but simply decide to ring them through and quit your job in spectacular fashion.
rcarty, Dec 28 2010
  
      
[annotate]
  


 

back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle