h a l f b a k e r y
Quis custodiet the custard?
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Recently I learnt (from Straight Dope) that drinking a 330ml/12oz ice-cold drink burns off 13 calories (due to having to raise it to body temperature). Eating celery famously uses more calories than you gain.
So I thought there must be lots of ways to lose weight other than to eat less and get
more exercise. Wearing fewer clothes in cold weather uses extra calories. And energetic sex can burn off a good amount of fat, especially if you're naked. Dancing in nightclubs to fast music scores highly, and even drinking coffee might perk up your metabolism.
Thus I invent it: a slimming club where people are given points for good stuff like that, rather than for never touching a chocolate food product. And it's not just a plan to surround myself with scantily-clad women eager to have sex. It's to make women feel good about themselves. So they'll sleep with me.
||Isn't this somewhat related to "dancercise", "jazzercise", and other words now banned by the Neologisms Act?
||Peter: in my experience fat people are totally uninterested in losing weight. That's why they're fat. It's the normally-proportioned women who're obsessive about not having that extra sprout with the additional 3 calories.
||wiml: The point is, you get to do it in proper clubs and bars, not in a brightly-lit sports hall led by an idiot. Also, altho you maybe couldn't drink for all those alcohol calories, amphetamines are popular as both a rave drug and a slimming aid, so there's further points for using them.