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Coma slimming

For those lacking willpower
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Can't stick to diet/exercise regimes ? Now, with BorgCo's new method, there's no need.

Just check into one of our clinics, pass a health check, and drink the pleasant-tasting beverage supplied. Soon, you'll feel very sleepy. Just relax on your comfy bed and drift off.

Once you're out, the trained and licensed medical staff administer medication to place you in a coma. A naso-gastric feeding tube is passed. Electrodes are attached. You are fully hydrated, but nutrition is restricted. Your muscles are kept in tone by frequent, gentle isometric stimulation, which also burns calories.

When you have lost the desired amount of weight as given on your check-in form, you're awoken and given another health check, then sent on your way rejoicing.

8th of 7, Oct 06 2016


       Planning to assimilate on a time-share basis now?
Loris, Oct 06 2016

       Coming up on the inspection cycle for that tank again ?
normzone, Oct 06 2016

       They make the damned turret hatches smaller every year, you know ...
8th of 7, Oct 06 2016

       [8th], just stick a photo of an obese naked man on your fridge door. I'm sure Sturton would send you a few images.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 06 2016

       slower, more expensive and with less suffering than the DNP-Icebath method.   

       Incidentally, my current pet primary tumor models really hates DNP, the cells in the middle are anaerobic and run mitochondrial ATP synthase backwards. A little DNP really ups the energy demand and they make even more lactic acid than normal. To solve this problem they put ATP synthase in the plasma membrane and run that backwards to pump out the H+. Of course the DNP ruins that too... hehehe. As it turns out, the malaria parasite requires ATP synthase to run backward for one part of its life cycle.... Helicobacter Pylori can survive in stomach acid because it pumps out H+.... DNP for everything!
bs0u0155, Oct 06 2016

       //To solve this problem they put ATP synthase in the plasma membrane// Now that is cunning. Why does the machinery exist for putting ATP synthase in the plasma membrane - it's not normally there, is it? (Shows you I don't normally mess with anything more complicated than DNA.)   

       The whole parallel between intracellular parasites and cancer is, incidentally, fascinating. I've got a buddy who works on Toxoplasma who noticed some interesting relationships.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 06 2016

       Also should offer free haircuts while under.
tatterdemalion, Oct 06 2016

       Definitely not. Included in the price, maybe. Free, no.   

       // DNP for everything! //   

       Ooooh, yeah ... but make it TNP and add an azide initiator and all your problems will go away ....   

       <manic cackling>   

       Can you treat tumors in cats with TNP ? We will fund that ... well, we'll provide the TNP free issue, which is almost, but not quite the same thing.   

       It comes in 1 kg blocks, by the way. We have determined that that's the minimum effective dose. Interestingly, it's also highly successful in treating cats without tumors, too.
8th of 7, Oct 06 2016


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