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Animal Husbandry

Make available celibate, interspecies matrimony
  (+3, -16)(+3, -16)(+3, -16)
(+3, -16)
  [vote for,

A recent study revealed the interesting fact that a majority of middle-aged women would prefer a lap dog or cat to having a man around the house. With an increasing number of countries allowing same-sex marriage and mounting support for animal rights, a logical next step is to make available marriage vows or legal partnership with animals. Instead of master and pet you would be Master and Misses. This would, for example, eliminate cats being dumped in the countryside to starve to death upon divorce. Upon untimely death of the human spouse, inheritance disputes would be avoided, and there would be no risk that the widowed animal would be (gasp!) “put to sleep”.

Remember any fish you give this idea means you like fish – a lot. And don’t come with any filthy innuendos about petting. Future legislation is already being drawn up to accommodate tree huggers.

FarmerJohn, Jun 08 2002

(?) For the non-celibate swimmers amongst you http://www.dolphinsex.org/
Doesn't require the animal to be put down, either. [DrCurry, Jun 08 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(??) Flipper tries to get fresh http://abcnews.go.c.../dolphin020604.html
This animal requires a put-down. [FarmerJohn, Jun 09 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(???) girl marries dog http://abclocal.go....3_en_indiagirl.html
[FarmerJohn, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

(?) Marry Your Pet online http://www.marryyourpet.com/
[lyrl, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]


[ sctld ], Jun 08 2002

       Hm. Maybe you should go back to your narrative style.
waugsqueke, Jun 08 2002

       //A recent study revealed the interesting fact that a majority of middle-aged women would prefer a lap dog or cat to having a man around the house//   

       Please provide link to study. Did they look into men who have multiple pets and no "human" partner? ;-)   

       Estate planning for pets is a relatively simple thing. I have purebred dogs and have contracts with three different breeders to claim my dogs in case of my untimely demise. Except for my stud dog. He, and my ancient cat, are to be euthanized and buried with me. My other two cats have a "trust fund" and two people lined up to take care of them.   

       True animal lovers would never *dump* a pet. Also, very few cats would starve if dumped in the country. Cats are masters of self-preservation.
runforrestrun, Jun 08 2002

       Why not let the stud dog and ancient cat be buried with you while they're still alive? It'd make for a highly entertaining funeral - even with closed casket.
thumbwax, Jun 08 2002

       I know a few ancient studs
po, Jun 08 2002

       Fish, or rather dolphins, are actually pretty easy to manage, even if you don't want a celibate relationship. See extremely bizarre, and apparently earnest, link.
DrCurry, Jun 08 2002

       naughty DrC. can we have a credentials check on the writer of your link.
po, Jun 08 2002

       If you married man's (former) best friend, you know what you could call your mother-in-law.
FarmerJohn, Jun 09 2002

       I presume it's the same thing one already call's their mother-in-law
thumbwax, Jun 09 2002

       The State of Missouri, in obvious contemplation of ideas like this, just passed a law making it illegal to have sex with farm animals. Could you imagine being married to a sheep and having to resign yourself to a life of celibacy?   

       Of course, the passage of this legislation raises the troubling presemption that, until a couple weeks ago, it was legal in Missouri to fornicate with one's animal friends. Also, I wonder if it is illegal now for farm animals to have sex with each other?
wesweswes, Jun 10 2002

       Bestiality alert! Actually, wasn't there a news story about a zoophile forced to marry an animal he raped? That was something along this idea.
Shadow Phoenix, Nov 03 2007

       Um, this sounds eerily like a Clerks II gag.
quantum_flux, Nov 10 2007


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