h a l f b a k e r yIt might be better to just get another gerbil.
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The faster you go, the further it sprays creating a dynamic zone of "Backoff man!". It's always on, people behind you can clearly see it and it would be about 100% effective without damaging any cars behind you. It also wouldn't cause any road rage incidents that might be worse than the tailgating.
It
utilizes human nature to work. To drive into the stream would mean you'd have to turn your windshield wipers on. Not worth it just to ride somebody's butt to save that precious hundredth of a second / prove your manhood etc. People wouldn't take it personally since it's on for everybody. Don't want to get sprayed? Don't drive into the stream.
I wouldn't drive into the stream would you? Yea, it's probably water but who knows what that nutjob's spraying out of the back of his car? I assume all mysterious spraying liquids are pee or worse and treat them as such.
No, I'm not suggesting any particular shape for the nozzle.
SuperSpray
http://books.google...0superspray&f=false
A regular spray will use way too much water. This will create a fogbank behind your car, and the slower you go, the thicker the fog will be. [Vernon, Nov 16 2011]
Super Smoker SA-300 - 8 gallon system.
http://www.smokinga...E20SYSTEM20KITS.htm
[Klaatu, Nov 17 2011]
Venturi Relief Tube
http://www.chiefair...p/pilot-relief.html
They even have a Female Adapter. [Klaatu, Nov 17 2011]
Fred Gwynne
http://www.youtube....6TA&feature=related
The "Sometimes, dead is better" guy with his great Main accent. [doctorremulac3, Nov 20 2011]
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illegal. Unfortunately. [+] |
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I'm under the impression the only two things you can legally drop on the highway in CA are chicken feathers and water. |
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I've always been partial to the
[I brake for tailgaters]
bumper sticker, but this is good too. |
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[normzone], care to expand on the chicken feathers ? |
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(BTW [+] especially if the tailgater is driving a convertible) |
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I once had an SUV with a broken rear-window washer that
sprayed about 10 ft straight backwards when the vehicle
was standing still. After experimenting with this for the
very purpose proposed in this Halfbake, we determined
that tailgaters just didn't get it. The problem with most
tailgaters is that they're not really paying attention (that's
certainly the case when I find myself crawling up on
someone), so nothing shy of abrupt braking and/or a
handful of caltrops is likely to get the point across. |
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After a while, we put a sign in the back window that read
"Honk for free car wash." We ended up seeing a lot of
laughing smiles in the rear view mirror as we hosed down
people's cars whilst sitting at stoplights. We also found that
we were spending an inordinate amount of money on
washer fluid. Eventually I ordered parts and fixed the damn
thing, which ruined all the fun. |
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My first vehicle was equipped with an oil-slick and blue smoke creation unit, which kept this problem at bay. |
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Driving in today I came up with another invention. This one's for drivers going about 40 mph above the speed limit who zoom up to your very rear end before swerving around you at the last second like you're a pylon in a stock car race. |
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Then, for added effect, they swerve right in front of you as quickly as possible without signaling to let you know you're a total pussy for only driving 15 miles above the posted speed limit. This despite the fact that there are plenty of other lanes Speedy McDipshit could use to drive as fast as he needed to make up for his undersized manhood. |
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My idea is for a large automatic cannon that would deploy from your trunk and shower the offending vehicle with white hot shrapnel to get his attention while the heat seeking missile locked on. The 50 pound warhead on this would take care of the rest of the vehicle while a steel cow catcher looking device would deploy from the front of your car to protect it from any of the small pieces of debris that may remain. |
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I'm not guessing that idea would get a lot of thumbs up though. Damn shame. |
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^I wonder if you could get by with a fake cannon that pops out of the trunk. |
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Or one of the cop cars from The Road Warrior. I wouldn't mind going all Mad Max on that guy today. |
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(Deep breath.) Ok, got that rant out of my system. Feeling much better now. |
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Kudos for enthusiasm, but I advise any variety of 20mm
autocannon, which fire very rapidly and are designed to
shred lightly armored vehicles. It can be deployed in a
pop-up turret, operated remotely via steering wheel-
mounted screen and joystick, and the quality of your
commute will be greatly enhanced for days after your
surprise attack as you drive past the mess of thumb-sized
shrapnel, all that remains of the cheapo tuner with the
fake spoiler and cherry bomb muffler that unwisely
swerved into your crosshairs. |
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^yahbut you need to do it up right: cannon mounted behind a fold-down license plate, and you have to be willing to repaint the car every time you blow somebody else's ride away (and never to the registered colour). |
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To fit an autocannon behind the front tag, you'd need to
move the engine, and I don't think we want to start that
discussion here. I propose simply using a Bradley AFV as
your commuter vehicle, but still doing the color-changing
routine so nobody will know it was _your_ Brad that
vaporized that suped-up Mitsubishi on the turnpike last
week |
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//My first vehicle was equipped with an oil-slick and blue
smoke creation unit, which kept this problem at bay.// |
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You could create a lot of smoke with the right system.
<link> |
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...and, cause major carnage on the highway... |
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I used to have an old Subaru estate, painted green with matt black patches, with the words 'this car is worth less than your NCD' hand painted on the back. This worked reasonably well. |
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Perhaps a simple stretch-over tailgate cover that makes the back end of your car look like the kind of unkempt rolling wreck that would be given a wide berth? |
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something heavy and damaging sitting on the trunk/boot lid, obviously just about to fall off (but actually fastened firmly, else you'd have to stop and replace it occasionally). |
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Or a distance-sensor/loudspeaker combination. |
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For those 3-cuppa mornings, you could mount a Venturi
Relief Tube and cure two problems at once. <link> |
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[TolpuddleSartre], if you're driving a truck stacked with chickens in cages, some feather distribution is inevitable. |
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National Council on Disability? Negotiable Security
Deposit? Native Council of Drunks? I must know. |
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I'm assuming that Venturi relief tube imparts a mild
suction to do the job? |
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"Hey, Joe, you finished with that Venturi relief tube
yet? You've been on it for fifteen minutes." |
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Never knew these things existed. Learn something
new every day. |
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//Never knew these things existed. Learn something new
every day.// |
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If you're ever out on a clear day and you feel a drop hit
your face...well, you understand now. For a long cross
country trip in a small plane (sans bathroom facilities), this
is the only option. And, yes, they do create a suction. |
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//something heavy and damaging sitting on the trunk/boot lid, obviously just about to fall off// |
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This is a good idea. I'm thinking a tin of house paint with a bolt through the bottom into the boot lid or bumper. |
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// For a long cross country trip in a small plane (sans bathroom facilities), this is the only option // |
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No, there are several alternatives. |
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They are vary unpleasant and inadvisable alternatives, but they do exist. |
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They are either humiliating and embarrasing (your co-pilot had better be a true and trusted friend who's not easily offended) or - worse - involve high speed airflow. |
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We assert that Harm Can Come To A Young Man from the combination of high velocity airflow, low ambient air temperature, and - worst of all - turbulence. |
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It's not too bad in a high-wing plane like a Cessna, but in a PA-28 it is Not Advised. You get distingctive ... markings ... on the fuselage and tailplane. And people on the ground do notice. And they point, and laugh. |
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We wish we hadn't mentioned it, now. |
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//National Council on Disability? Negotiable Security Deposit? Native Council of Drunks? I must know.
— Voice, Nov 17 2011 // |
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<<anticlimax> No Claims Discount - the amount by which your insurance premium is slightly less exhorbitant if you've manged to avoid colliding with other vehicles, staionary objects etc. |
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Just as long as no permanent distinctive markings end up on my own fuselage... |
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95% of the time someone is tailgated, its because
aren't mindful of the those around them, and this is
regardless of your sped. If you you're holding up
the flow of traffic get out of the way! |
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That said, Ive encountered the bullies too, hoping
to intimidate every single person in that lane, one
at a time. In those cases, i would recommend a
light based deterrent. |
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// a light based deterrent // |
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Indeed. A 100kW continuous beam carbon dioxide laser should do the job nicely. |
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//It's not too bad in a high-wing plane like a Cessna, but in
a PA-28 it is Not Advised.// |
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I sort of figured you for a low-wing kind of guy. I used to
fly a PA28-181. We used to carry Ziploc bags and chuck
them out the small side vent window (over non-populated
areas). They always seemed to miss the empennage,
fortunately. |
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//95% of the time someone is tailgated, its because aren't mindful of the those around them, and this is regardless of your sped. If you you're holding up the flow of traffic get out of the way! // |
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Well, not so in this case. I was going the upper end of the prevailing speed, about 75+ in a 65 zone. This guy was doing his little freeway slalom thing to everybody, not just me. I was also in the second lane with three other lanes to the left of me he could have used. |
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Just another douchbag using the freeway as his personal plaything while thinking "Would a pathetic loser be able to push down on a gas pedal and turn a steering wheel back and forth like this? I don't think so." |
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WARNING: Here-in-Maine anecdote ahead! |
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Here in Maine, installing any overly-bright or elaborate
aftermarket lights on your car is illegal, classified as a
'visual nuisance'. This prohibition is enforced with almost
draconian rigor, which is somewhat strange given that the
Maine State Police have a pretty casual attitude toward
traffic-law enforcement in general. |
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//WARNING: Here-in-Maine anecdote ahead!// |
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I'll be sure to read it in the voice of Fred Gwynne from the Pet Semetary movie. |
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If that helps, go ahead. I don't mind. |
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I think Gwynne would have said it a little more
"folksy". |
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"Heya in Main, police don' cotton ta no shennagans
tha' might cause a hubbub. Yassee, a hubbub might
lead to a bruhaha, then we'd all be in a pickle." |
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