Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Anti-Hitler Facial Hair

Full beard with the iconic Hitlarian square mustache above the lip missing.
  [vote for,

The exact inverse of what Hitler wore.

Sure, you can bone this, but that's just what Hitler would do isn't it?

doctorremulac3, Jan 10 2019

Troubles On Ice https://sodabred.tu.../image/181956790917
[xenzag, Jan 12 2019]

Trump Oddity Trump_20Oddity
Prophetic ... [8th of 7, Jan 13 2019]


       Godwin's Law.
hippo, Jan 10 2019

       // exact inverse //   

       So, a bald head, a gap on the upper lip, and the entire remainder of the body (except the naughty bits) covered in hair ?   

       We would pay a dollar to know that actually exists, but not to see it, or a photograph of it, or a drawing, or indeed any depiction of it.
8th of 7, Jan 10 2019

       //entire remainder of the body (except the naughty bits) covered in hair ?//   

       Well, regarding the manscaping of that part of his anatomy, as far as we know.
doctorremulac3, Jan 10 2019

       //So, a bald head, a gap on the upper lip, and the entire remainder of the body (except the naughty bits) covered in hair ?//   

       You might only have to shave half of the scrotum.
My source doesn't specify which half.
Loris, Jan 10 2019

       OK, politically correct or not, if you didn’t laugh at that comment you’re dead inside.
doctorremulac3, Jan 10 2019

       How would this differ from anti-Charlie Chaplin facial hair?
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 10 2019

       {refers to English bloke driving in Vienna and knocked Hitler down, but didn't kill him}   

       Ohh, just found cat-bounce.com, draggable bouncy cats. So cute.
not_morrison_rm, Jan 10 2019

       // My source doesn't specify which half. //   

       That would most likely be the same source that details the very limited reproductive capability of Göring and Himmler, and Goebbels' unfortunate total deficiency, would it not ?
8th of 7, Jan 10 2019

       There's a song about that but I'm reluctant to have "Hitler had only one left ball song" in my browser history.   

       Then why am I posting it here? Excellent question.
doctorremulac3, Jan 10 2019

       // "Hitler had only one left ball song" //   


       "Hitler has only got one ball,
Göring has two, but very small,
Himmler has something sim'lar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all ..."

       As sung by British troops since time immemorial, to various tunes, including the version about Napoleon and the WW1 song about Kaiser Bill.
8th of 7, Jan 10 2019

       I think it's long overdue that Hitler had his own Christmas song, so here's how it starts:
"Adolf the red nosed Hitler had a very black moustache......."
I'll leave it up to someone who can be bothered to complete the verses.
xenzag, Jan 10 2019

       That's shocking, and appallingly insensitive, tactless and insulting. Quite shameful.   

       <Furious scribbling of lyrics/>
8th of 7, Jan 10 2019

       It was intended for you..... and you know it was.
xenzag, Jan 10 2019

       You asked for this, [xen]. It's All Your Fault ...   

       To the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer":   

       Adolf the straight-armed Fascist
had a very black moustache,
And if he met a commie,
there would always be a clash.
All of the other parties
used to laugh and call him mad,
They never let poor Hitler
do anything really bad.
Then in nineteen thirty-three,
voters had their say:
"Adolf, with your arm so straight,
send those Jews away !"
Then how the Nazis loved him,
and they shouted out with glee,
"Now we've a proper leader,
as good as Mussolini !"

       IT'S ALL [XENZAG]'S FAULT !   

       To fit the music, the first "i" in Mussolini needs to be stretched, into "Mussoli - e - e - en - e".
8th of 7, Jan 10 2019

       let's just agree to never ubermention this again...   

       Ha. That was too easy. (Hums contentedly as cat stares at screen)
xenzag, Jan 10 2019

       See ? See what evil cat-lovers do ? Do you need any more proof ?   

       [doc] started by posting the idea, [xen] set the challenge ... we're just the innocent victims in all this, same as everyone else.
8th of 7, Jan 10 2019

       I can see the PC police carting me away now.   

       "I didn't have anything to do with the song! I was making fun of Hitler's mustache! Xenzag started it!"
doctorremulac3, Jan 10 2019

       S'OK, [doc] ... no-one's blaming you. It's like when someone takes a useful invention, like the aeroplane or the caterpillar track, and uses it to make a weapon.   

       This sort of thing will always go on, until the malignancy that is cat-lovers is cleansed from your world with fire and the sword.
8th of 7, Jan 10 2019

       I feel another song coming along.....
xenzag, Jan 11 2019

       You haven't thanked us for the last one, yet. Ungrateful, we call it.
8th of 7, Jan 11 2019

       There is little reward in the world for those who spend their time composing songs for Hitler. How could you?
xenzag, Jan 11 2019

       It's just a matter of typing in the words, actually. Besides, it's (a) about Hitler, not for Hitler - like the "Hitler has only got one ball" song - and (b) it was entirely your idea, not ours. You're the one that wanted a song about Hitler that fitted Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. We were merely channelling the spirit of Noël Coward, or Arthur Sullivan, or Ernst Röhm, or maybe Horst Wessel ...   

       You can't say "Alexa, order more blank DVDs" and then act all surprised and huffy and offended when a delivery person from Amazon turns up at your door with a box of recording media.
8th of 7, Jan 11 2019

       I hardly think so..... I merely presented a small empty space, and nature abhors a vacuum. It was your nature that filled that void.
xenzag, Jan 11 2019

       // a small empty space //   

       You have Jeremy Corbyn's brain ? Is it in a jar ?   

       Can we see it ?   

       // It was your nature that filled that void. //   

       It was our wit, talent and linguistic virtuosity, actually.
8th of 7, Jan 11 2019

       //You might only have to shave half of the scrotum. My source doesn't specify which half//   

       I'd suggest the half on the outside.
AusCan531, Jan 11 2019

       //It was our wit, talent and linguistic virtuosity// I would advise caution in using being unable to resist the completion of Christmas songs for Adolf Hitler as evidence of any of that at an interview.
xenzag, Jan 11 2019

       It is an established technique for training those who engage in debate to ask them to promote - or defend - a contentious proposition irrespective of their personal views.   

       As we pointed out previously, the lyrics are about Hitler, not for Hitler; and as to evidence of talent, the context of the interview is rather important. Auditioning for a spot on an improvised comedy show would be the prime example - "Make something funny out of this unpleasant and/or controversial subject; your time starts ... NOW."
8th of 7, Jan 11 2019

       Why is everyone ignoring the implication that Hitler shaved his armpits?
nineteenthly, Jan 12 2019

       Because he probably didn't - he was a Nazi boy, not a nancy boy.
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       I keep waiting for someone to attempt an Anti- Trump hair. The thought of what that would amount to is somewhat disturbing.
RayfordSteele, Jan 12 2019

       @ECHO OFF

       <Sincerity alert>   

       Once again, we stand in awe of your deft mastery of the art of understatement, [Ray].   

       <Sincerity alert/>   

       [xen], would you be happier if, just for the sake of balance, we did a jolly Christmas song about Mao, or Stalin, or Pol Pot ... ?
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       (dr3) *Without raising head resting on his desk in the back of classroom, raises hand to vote.*
doctorremulac3, Jan 12 2019

       S'matter, [doc], you losin' the will to live ?   

       If not, would you like to hear our pitch for a musical sequel to West Side Story, set in Rwanda in 1994, with Hutus and Tutsis taking the place of the New York gangs ? "A song, a dance, and the pointless murder of thousands of people who are actually just the same as you, if you could be bothered to think for one microsecond".   

       If "Springtime for Hitler" can be a hit on Broadway, that's just got to be a winner.
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       *without raising head, mumbles* The Stalin song please.
doctorremulac3, Jan 12 2019

       Set to "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer", or something different ?   

       Should we ask [xen] ?
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       I once proposed an opera (on ice) to commemorate the end of the sectarian troubles in Northern Ireland. It was entitled: "Troubles On Ice" I may post a link to the poster I designed for it later....
xenzag, Jan 12 2019

       //Set to "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer", or something different ?//   

       You already did that.   

       Jingle bells>   

       "Tsarists fell, gulag hell, phone got tapped today. KGB is on to me, it's time to run way..."   

       Or something like that.
doctorremulac3, Jan 12 2019

       As you wish. Will sir be posting a corresponding "Anti-Stalin Facial Hair" idea (After all, Mr. Dzhugashvili did sport a distinctive and luxuriant adornment) or shall we just continue here ?   

       // I once proposed an opera //   

       There are plenty of bleak, tragic operas though, lots of unrequited love, and sad deaths, and loneliness and loss. Even some musical theatre can have its moments of grim despair.   

       But as a genre, musical comedy has - by and large - steered clear of the darker side of the human condition. It's not easy to visualize Hamlet as a vehicle for a Busby Berkeley choreographed extravaganza, with Fred Astaire tap-dancing his way to the murder of Claudius, and Ginger Rogers looking pale and wistful as Ophelia - although given what the Carry On team managed, something might be done with Julius Caesar, but probably not Macbeth.
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       //It's not easy to visualize Hamlet as a vehicle for a Busby Berkeley// Yes, but there was the 1938 "Macbeth". Admittedly he left out some of the deaths.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 12 2019

       You wanted to see it..... see link (I'm still looking for funding, but at least the publicity is done!)
xenzag, Jan 12 2019

       If you need funding, you could post something on Goosestep-starter ... the place to go to gather support for exploitative, controversial projects in very poor taste.
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       The Stalin Song   

       (Sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells")   

       Driving through the snow,
In an armoured Chevrolet,
Through Red Square he goes,
Laughing all the way,
Right past Lenin's tomb
Gloating with delight,
Knowing that his vicious goons
Will kill Trotsky tonight.

       Sitting at his desk
He gets a sudden urge,
Tells his henchman Beria
To start another purge.
Generals die in droves,
Slaughtered left and right,
But when the war at last begins
The Army cannot fight

       Peasants on the steppe
Must join collective farms,
He doesn't really care
What or who he harms.
Feed the factory lads,
So they can make more arms,
Though the farmers have no bread
And soon they all will starve.

       Molotov's the man
To make a crooked pact,
Ribbentrop agrees
How and when to act.
Poland gets the chop,
Suits evil tyrants well:
The only thing to hope for is
That they're now both in Hell.


       Kremlin cells, Kremlin cells,
All full up, they say !
Don't complain about the Boss
Or you'll get locked away !
Kremlin cells, Kremlin cells,
All full up, they say !
By hanging or by firing squad,
You might just die today ...
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       *Head still on desk, holds up "thumbs up" sign.*
doctorremulac3, Jan 12 2019

       Well at least someone's happy. We await [xenzag]'s comment with eager anticipation.
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       You're well trained now, so keep joining the dots. For every wind-up toy, there is a key.
xenzag, Jan 12 2019

       Only if you join the Collective ...
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       [8th], you have missed your calling. And also the latter part of the last century when Tom Lehrer was still a big seller.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 12 2019

       // you have missed your calling. //   

       Yes, they knocked and knocked, but we were hiding. Persistent sods ...   

       // Tom Lehrer //   

       "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" ... major respect.
8th of 7, Jan 12 2019

       It needs to be said that this is idea is a sorely needed alternative to the man who's currently sitting alone in the Whitehouse, imagining Hitler's mustache, and masturbating away the last hair that's left on whatever balls he once pretended to have.
4and20, Jan 13 2019

       We already did The Don. <link>   

       Any more targets ?   

       You need to pick a cheery Christmas song, and a despised, evil dictator.   

       Anyway, wouldn't a proper "Anti-Hitler" be a black man with white hair ?
8th of 7, Jan 13 2019

       //pick a cheery Christmas song, and a despised, evil dictator//..... and you need approval from me (like 8th has) to authenticate the results. Training is available. (costly)
xenzag, Jan 13 2019

       Still administering the "Strict Discipline to Naughty Boys", eh, [xen] ?   

       <Wanders away humming "My God, how the money rolls in ..."/>
8th of 7, Jan 13 2019

xenzag, Jan 13 2019


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