Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Anti groping accessories

Gloves and cushion so everyone knows it’s above board
  [vote for,

As a male nurse, I’m a little concerned by the whole groping terror gripping the land. I have a good reason to be. For if, when astroll in the park, I come across a person, be it a little old lady, a man of no interest to me, or a lithe young nubile wench, choking on some potato salad, I am legally obliged to intervene and perform the Heimlich manoeuvre. Oh yes, no bystanding for me. I could easily get struck-off for tiptoeing by. But now I’m in a legal minefield.

Because The Heimlich involves grabbing the subject from behind and cupping/ squeezing her - no that’s wrong, not her bazoops..It’s more like under her ribs ? something in that area. I better take another four day course. But the point being, this kind of action can easily be misconstrued to a non-expert observer. Have you ever seen pond frogs mating? Then if the Heimlich doesn’t work the next step is to put her over your knee and spank her little tush. Oh, I know some people suggest a firm pat on the back. Either could save her young adolescent life. But both can look very bad, especially the spanking one. And she probably hasn’t had a chance to sign any consent form.

So what’s a man to do? Ah ha! Luckily there is now available a pair of two inch thick neoprene man/ woman handling gauntlets, hanging just over there next to the park defibrillator. (Oh god, if I have to stick the defib pads on her bare chest that’s going to look even worse)

But back to the manhandling gauntlets. Immediate reassurance. No feelings of tactile pleasure will get through these. Not only are they extremely thick they have some kind of numbing cream inside, like you get in those condoms for people who get overly excited. Plus, there is also a massive rubber insert cushion to put between my pelvic region and hers. No chance of arousal with that in there. Happy days. Well, happy from a legal perspective anyway.

DDRopDeadly, Nov 22 2017

Sold in the same section as this... https://www.google....grc=AwU2vjFL9WnwmM:
[21 Quest, Nov 23 2017]


       I know that, in the UK, the "good samaritan" law applies, which means that you can't be prosecuted for bungled first aid, if you genuinely thought it was needed and you were genuinely trying to do your best. I would imagine that a similar view would be taken of first aid that was/could be misconstrued as gropement.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 22 2017

       Better yet, make it compulsory and overseen by HMRC - that'll get everyone avoiding it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Nov 22 2017


       Any relation to Astrix?
not_morrison_rm, Nov 23 2017

       // Couldn’t the queen of that america country simply issue a decree to make groping legal?//   

       What you already knew I was going to say.
Voice, Nov 24 2017

       A foreseeable, outraged demand that you check your privilege with respect to what he already knew you were going to say.
pertinax, Nov 24 2017

       Wait, I have groping privilege? When did this come about? What is its extent?
Voice, Nov 26 2017


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