Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Antipale deceased rotating service

You can rest easy knowing that all your grave-turning has been done already.
  [vote for,

The reason those that have been deceased for a substantial amount of time appear pale is because after the blood has stopped pumping, it settles at the bottom of the corpse. If you are the type that likes the idea of your loved ones seeing your corpse before it is buried at your funeral, you might worry that this paleness would put them off their deathday cake. This is, of course, unacceptable and completely unnecessary. All your body requires to keep you from going pale between your death and your funeral is a little turning-picture a cool room in your local "ADR" facility, with deceased bodies mounted horizontally along the walls, rotating along their axis, just fast enough to keep your skin pink, without making it fall off your bones. When the time comes for your friends and family to say goodbye, you are moved from your place on the rack into a specially designed hearse that keeps you spinning until you arrive at the graveyard. Just before you exit the hearse, it does a few turns at high speed, in case you aren't already looking as spiffy as possible, you are then taken to see your family, they say their last goodbyes, and you get buried.

Your friends and family are then greeted with deathday cake as per your will, and they are able to enjoy it fully, without any gut-churning images of your pale, clammy skin detracting from their cake experience.

erenjay, May 22 2012

Keeping 'em warm Ethermal_20Resting_20Place
[theircompetitor, May 23 2012]


       Some anti-coagulants would be necessary, I suppose? Or exsanguination & fluid replacement therapy with some sort of colored embalming solution?
lurch, May 22 2012

       Nope. Its like custard. Keep stirring it at the right speed and it stays liquid. (I hope)
erenjay, May 22 2012

       This idea is beyond the pale
AbsintheWithoutLeave, May 22 2012

       Could this be combined with a crematorium muffle, to make a sort of giant rotisserie ... ?
8th of 7, May 22 2012

       But my beautiful coiffed hair would get all mussed up with all that turning. Unless it was glued in place I suppose. (Bun for incorporating death cake with your idea though.)
blissmiss, May 22 2012

       "Ooh look! This Antipale Deceased Rotating device has a speed dial - what happens if I turn it up to 11?"
hippo, May 22 2012

       So instead of a centrifuge it's a cemeteryfuge?
xenzag, May 22 2012

       This reminds me uncomfortably of roasting spits. Also, as the localish mortuary has just installed extra durable mortuary tables at vast expense because of rampant obesity, I wouldn't want to witness larger deceased persons spinning when I'm trying to eat cake.
Phrontistery, May 22 2012

       //I wouldn't want to witness larger deceased persons spinning when I'm trying to eat cake// - actually I would enjoy seeing that.
xenzag, May 22 2012

       Some kind of warming device would also be nice.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 22 2012

       //Some kind of warming device would also be nice.// - and basting???
hippo, May 23 2012

       Now you're getting into kebab land
xenzag, May 23 2012

       Kebabs rotate vertically.
erenjay, May 23 2012

       Whereas Aunt Babs would rotate vertically.
AusCan531, May 23 2012

       rotating while orientated upright would just make your legs red.
erenjay, May 23 2012

       Rotating vertically, whilst upside down, facing outwards would be my choice (if offered as one of many options)
xenzag, May 23 2012


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