I thought up this idea in my bathtub. Being Environmentally
Conscious, I have stopped using water in the tub while
Saving the world's water supply more than offsets the
inconvenience of rapidly wearing out my Natural Wool Sea
Sponge Happy Scrubber On a Stick on tender and rapidly
chaffing skin without benefit of water.
But I Digress.
GROGco Proudly Presents the GROGco Tushy Wiping App for
Apple and Android. To use, simply step into a stall, drop your
trousers, sit upon the porcelain appliance, and dump your
(...If you wear undergarments, you may want to consider
leaving them in the stall when you're done if you failed to
them when you dropped your trousers...) It is at this crucial
juncture that you should also verify the stall was not already
occupied. This person is liable to be very cross with you.
Next, whip out your cellular phone and bring up your Tushy
Wiping App. You will notice the phone begins to vibrate
profusely. Please keep a firm grip on your phone! When
slowly and steadily wipe the phone back and forth across your
bottom, allowing the strong vibrations to dislodge any
When finished, stand up, pull up your trousers and wash both
your hands and of course, your phone.
IMPORTANT: REMEMBER TO REMOVE THE PHONE when this
evolution is complete. It may be tempting to leave the phone
lodged in your Tushy; however, it tends to wear the battery
down rather quickly if you leave the phone vibrating in your
Nether Region for extended periods time. (...not to mention
the distracting effect it has on your Manly or Girly Bits...)
To alleviate any concerns you have with Battery Wear,
Engineers have included a loud and piercing whistle to alert
when the battery power drops below 75%.
**PLEASE NOTE** that although the App is free, the whistle
removal code is $99.95.