Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Apple & Android Compatible Tushy Wiping App

Completely Replacing Toilet Paper and Messy Bidets
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I thought up this idea in my bathtub. Being Environmentally Conscious, I have stopped using water in the tub while bathing. Saving the world's water supply more than offsets the inconvenience of rapidly wearing out my Natural Wool Sea Sponge Happy Scrubber On a Stick on tender and rapidly chaffing skin without benefit of water.

But I Digress.

GROGco Proudly Presents the GROGco Tushy Wiping App for both Apple and Android. To use, simply step into a stall, drop your trousers, sit upon the porcelain appliance, and dump your load. (...If you wear undergarments, you may want to consider leaving them in the stall when you're done if you failed to drop them when you dropped your trousers...) It is at this crucial juncture that you should also verify the stall was not already occupied. This person is liable to be very cross with you.

Next, whip out your cellular phone and bring up your Tushy Wiping App. You will notice the phone begins to vibrate profusely. Please keep a firm grip on your phone! When ready, slowly and steadily wipe the phone back and forth across your bottom, allowing the strong vibrations to dislodge any stubborn particles.

When finished, stand up, pull up your trousers and wash both your hands and of course, your phone.

IMPORTANT: REMEMBER TO REMOVE THE PHONE when this entire evolution is complete. It may be tempting to leave the phone lodged in your Tushy; however, it tends to wear the battery down rather quickly if you leave the phone vibrating in your Nether Region for extended periods time. (...not to mention the distracting effect it has on your Manly or Girly Bits...)

To alleviate any concerns you have with Battery Wear, GROGco Engineers have included a loud and piercing whistle to alert you when the battery power drops below 75%.

**PLEASE NOTE** that although the App is free, the whistle removal code is $99.95.

Grogster, Dec 05 2018

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       Wtf Clayton????
21 Quest, Dec 05 2018
  

       This seems like a waste of an Android phone. Won't the images be stored or sent back to Google?
4and20, Dec 05 2018
  

       Hmmm... photo opportunities are rather limited while the app is in use. The aggressive vibration would make for some pretty blurry pictures.
Grogster, Dec 05 2018
  

       At last, a useful feature on an iPhoney.   

       But why bother to clean it afterward ? Just drop it down the pan and flush it away with the rest of the crap.
8th of 7, Dec 05 2018
  
      
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