Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Arts of Darkness

or, A Potter Lapse Now
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The movie opens with a scene in a seedy, dimly lit hotel room, with a paddle fan slowly rotating. On the bed is Harry Potter, portrayed by Daniel Radcliffe, hallucinating as his voice over tells the audience "Brighton ... I'm still only in Brighton ..."

Later, we see him talking to two representatives from the Ministry Of Magic, who send him "up river" (the Thames) into "Bandit country" to deal with a renegade senior wizard and former Hogwarts Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher (Curtiss) who has persuaded the primitive local inhabitants of Oxford to worship him as a God, due to his understanding of fire and the use of edged tools.

There is a surreal scene of punting on the Isis as wizards and witches on broomsticks zoom overhead, strafing the banks with lightning bolts as a Witchfinder Lieutenant-Colonel declaims "I love the smell of ectoplasm in the morning"

Eventually, Harry mortally wounds Curtiss, who, as he's dying, points at Potter and accuses him with the words "The Auror ! The Auror !".

8th of 7, Apr 18 2014

Merchant Ivory http://en.wikipedia...wiki/Merchant_Ivory
Dramatic [8th of 7, Apr 18 2014]

Ivory Merchant ? http://en.wikipedia...i/Heart_of_Darkness
Heart of Darkness ... is ... by ... novelist Joseph Conrad, ... about ... life as an ivory transporter [8th of 7, Apr 18 2014]

Merchants of Ivory http://www.knis.ca/
..and nuggets [not_morrison_rm, Apr 19 2014]

Amazon as Merchants of De'ath http://www.amazon.c...d=1397886135&sr=1-2
...shocking revelation [not_morrison_rm, Apr 19 2014]

[link]






       [+]   

       Notwithstanding that expiry-dates are more a guideline than an absolute, one really shouldn't allow a foodstuff enough time to go over to the dark side under its own power.
FlyingToaster, Apr 18 2014
  

       I've rarely scene more efforted expunged upon a single pun.   

       You got me. Be proud.
Alterother, Apr 18 2014
  

       You know Hearts of Darkness was the documentary right?
DIYMatt, Apr 18 2014
  

       Really ? Up to now, we had understood that Heart of Darkness was a Merchant Ivory production ...   

       <link>
8th of 7, Apr 18 2014
  

       I came in here expecting some sort of classical literary foolishness, indeed, but pop culture schtick is just as good.
Alterother, Apr 18 2014
  

       No Joanne Whalley=no bun.   

       And I'm equally sure there is an international ban of merchants of ivory, seems a bit unfair, but there you go.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 18 2014
  

       haw. I just got the pun (the bun was for the initial image)
FlyingToaster, Apr 19 2014
  

       not to mention Amazon's role as Merchants of De'ath.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 19 2014
  

       //Joanne Whalley //   

       She can star in the "Playmate" scene if you want, no problem.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2014
  

       What's the musical score?
RayfordSteele, Apr 19 2014
  

       We're open to suggestions.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2014
  

       //She can star in the "Playmate" scene if you want, no problem   

       Done. 1 bun.   

       Now, arse of darkness, that would be something.....
not_morrison_rm, Apr 19 2014
  

       Yes, it would. That would be, in fact, Unabubba.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2014
  

       Like you could do any better ? C'mon then, let's see it. Give it your best shot.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2014
  

       Or that recent report on streetlighting in Watford, the Herts of Darkness.   

       Not to mention the recent quality control lapse in Guandong province, where the black cushion cover surplus dye wasn't properly washed out, see trading standards report 2014/982 - the arse of darkness.   

       Like the chestburster, a pun needs to be released into the wild.
not_morrison_rm, Apr 19 2014
  
      
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