Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Assad Surprise

Change sides.. twice
  [vote for,

As we approach a likely attack on Assad’s poison gas capabilities, risking a slight collateral Third World War possibility with Russia, time to euthanise the patient for its own good.( and ours) The disease is now far advanced and the victim is going through some final agonies approaching death. The autoimmune thing has gained opportunistic infections and the whole mess may spreading to the surrounding patients if not causing an epidemic.

As medical people are (very slowly) accepting, there comes a moment when it’s better to throw your weight behind the baddies. (disease and death), in a surprising volte-face, and expedite the end as quickly and painless as possible.

In the Syria situation that means jumping ahead of Assad and Russia, and using our missiles to annihilate Assad’s enemies. Maybe lend him some of special forces too to help him eradicate them.

Now look at the the surprise on the guy’s face. In fact he may have to co-opt his stupid moustache to make extra eyebrows above his normal ones to express himself fully.

Anyway, quite a few innocents will be killed by us instead of him but probably less in in the long run and by less gruesome methods.

Finish the war and then let the country to settle down a bit. Let Russia back off. Let us sell Assad some massively phallic missiles, with purple tips, to have and to enjoy.. Let him emerge still gobsmacked from his bunker, dust-off off his new bling uniform and have a massive military parade.

Then by remote control gently blow it all up, at the same time nailing him with a few hundred drones, to be sure to be sure, plus a cruise or two and take out the whole bandstand of top brass too.

His eyes-brows will express even greater surprise methinks as they fly away from the top of his skull ..

PS its just possible that this is the Russian’s long term strategy, but I doubt it PPS forget this idea.. we’re ..us.

DDRopDeadly, Apr 11 2018

Fitted carpet bombing Fitted_20carpet_20bombing
This is why you CAN have nice things. No need to kill anyone; get it right, and they'll kill one another. [8th of 7, Apr 13 2018]


       So the idea is kill hundreds of thousands of innocents & (from our narratives perspective) a lot of good guys (or maybe just proto-good guys) to lure him out so we can kill him?   

       Just send in "Bond" with Novichoc & blame the Russians, job done.   

       Then the Russians have the choice, put their hands up & pretend to be the good guys, or start WW3.. My guess, they go for the applause, WW3 averted & less collateral casualties.   

       [anyone got a white cat I can borrow, one with a diamond collar perhaps.. a white fluffy caterpillar will do in a pinch, I've got this strange urge to pet something white, odd that]
Skewed, Apr 11 2018

       Well [Sk] that’s not exactly it, to use a karate analogy this time you.. oh never mind. It’s a bit like “sometimes you gotta be cruel(short term) to be kinder (longer term).” . The cat can stay though
DDRopDeadly, Apr 11 2018

       // anyone got a white cat I can burrow, //   

       "burrow" ?   

       We probably have several fluffy white cats. Before we look in the boxes, do you want it alive, or dead ?   

       Although actually, the boxes have been sealed shut for quite a long time ... "alive" is probably not a realistic possibility. And they're quite small boxes, too ...
8th of 7, Apr 11 2018

       It needs to purr, but a tape deck with the appropriate sound recording should suffice. But non-gooey is preferred, how long did you say the boxes have been closed?
Skewed, Apr 12 2018

       //sometimes you gotta be cruel(short term) to be kinder (longer term)//   

       [DD] as a critique of my response to your idea that makes no sense. *   

       If the "kindness" is getting rid of Assad then my approach wins hands down (Assad is dead just the same plus it's cheaper, does less infrastructure damage & also kills fewer people besides the primary target). In short, you don't have to be (as) cruel to be kind.   

       The only way yours can possibly be a better solution is if the purpose isn't Assad removal but actually killing a nice large chunk of the Syrian population, or else (contrary to your stated //cruel// //to be kind// posture) cruelty is in fact the actual point.   

       Did I misconstrue the ideas intended purpose, or are you just talking bow locks?   

       * Disclaimer : I (of course) freely acknowledge making sense has never been a necessary prerequisite of the bakery & in no way should this be construed as some sort of criticism.
Skewed, Apr 12 2018

       Ok [Sk] just for you I'll spell it out. The war grinds on with further atrocities to follow (no doubt. ) Still, Assad is A LOT nearer to defeating his enemies than they are to defeating him. Which, then, is the shortist distance to ending this war? (For the sake of the ones caught in crossfire) Would it be To inflict a weakening blow on Assad - or on his enemies? hmm.. <scratches head>
DDRopDeadly, Apr 13 2018

       Ps the main point being not to use more Novichok whether wielded by bond or anyone else . novichok = cruel in my book. the crux of the idea was essentially to pre Empt the use of stuff like that.
DDRopDeadly, Apr 13 2018

       Apply a simple test.   

       Offer both sides large amounts of money to quit fighting.   

       Keep upping the bid until one side accepts. Pay them, then kill their opponents for them - they're obviously idealists who believe in stuff, and therefore a threat.   

       Then you'll have peace, and an ally who'll do stuff for money and nice things, plus who knows what happens if they step out of line.   

       The most cynical and venal methods are by far the most effective in the long term.
8th of 7, Apr 13 2018

       //Which, then, is the shortist distance to ending this war?//   

       That's shortist! </outrage>
pertinax, Apr 13 2018

       //long term// sp. short term
pertinax, Apr 13 2018

       //novichok = cruel in my book. the crux of the idea was essentially to pre Empt the use of stuff like that//   

       So you consider maiming & killing tens if not hundreds of thousands including large numbers of women, children, the elderly & infirm preferable to a little Novi used to maim & kill one man, plus perhaps a handful of his close aids & assistants with (if it's done right & with a little luck) little chance of children, the elderly or infirm being among them.   

       You have a weird sense of morality sir, in fact (if you really believe that) you're quite sick & should probably seek psychiatric help immediately :)   

       //cynical and venal methods are by far the most effective//   

       I'd say sad but true, accept having something that works should normally (in most areas of human endeavor) be a cause for celebration.   

       Probably best just to have the party & regret it in the morning.
Skewed, Apr 13 2018

       //an ally who will do stuff for money//   

       Yes, like kidnap or kill more people until you pay them to temporarily stop.
RayfordSteele, Apr 13 2018

       //"burrow" ?//   

       Yeek! just noticed that, fixed.
Skewed, Apr 13 2018

       The "shortest way to end the war" reasoning was applied in the 1990s, as a justification for letting the Serbs win in Yugoslavia. Trouble is, that approach significantly strengthened the radical Islamist narrative that says "Listen Muslims, we're the only ones who will protect you". (How do I know? Time spent browsing in the bookshop of the Finsbury Park mosque, before they de- radicalised it).   

       More generally, the long term favours the idealist over the realist, provided that the idealist survives that long. This is because the long term is when people have the leisure to build the narratives to decide which side they'll be on next time things get ugly.
pertinax, Apr 13 2018

       You see ? That's where your education systems are failing. It's possible to identify the idealists very early on, and put them through an intensive indoctrination programme to destroy all hope and make them into bitter, twisted distrustful little emotional cripples who sneer at the notion of improvement in the human condition and instead embrace greed, duplicity, selfishness and cynicism.   

       OK, so you end up with a lot more journalists and Catholic priests, but it's a small price to pay.
8th of 7, Apr 13 2018

       Is this where the gun debate enters again?
RayfordSteele, Apr 14 2018

       //sometimes you gotta be cruel(short term) to be kinder (longer term)// //novichok = cruel in my book//   

       Aaaahh! ^[penny drops]   

       So the point (one of them) is to kill all the civilians before Assad gets around to poisoning them, bomb them to death before he can poison them to death with nerve gas so they suffer less, because being maimed by a bomb is (so) much less painful than being gassed to death .. was that it?   

       I still say just murdering Assad instead makes more sense.   

       I don't think it's a shrink you need after all, we've reserved you a room at the office of reeducation instead, they'll expect you Tuesday.
Skewed, Apr 15 2018


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