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Baby Mask

baby breathe fresh and be quiet!
(+4, -4)
  [vote for,

At last, a way for babies and small children to be taken in to congested public places with no fear of them having to breathe dirty air or embarass you by making loud noises, annoying those around you.

This lightweight adjustable mask includes a miniture state-of-the-art air filtration system and employs military-grade noise dampening technology.

To ensure your childs saftey, the mask includes a mini-speaker with volume control so you can always hear your child. Solar sensors woven into the fabric of the mask are used to charge the battery reserves which can last up to eight (8) hours on a 15 minute charge.

swalsh, Jul 07 2001


       Ah, but Swalsh doesn't say "To ensure my child's safety...", but rather, "To ensure YOUR child's safety". I imagine this device would be bought primarily as a gift.
baf, Jul 08 2001

       I and you and everyone here, along with all of my children, survived much worse than bad air; consumed mud, flies, floor droppings, etc. You abuse a child by sheltering him or her from all harm, compromising his or her immunity and rendering the man or woman susceptible to all manner of harm in the future. Don't you think?   

       As for noise, God gave them voices for a reason. What PeterSealy said. Fishy fishy fishbone -- a really loud, filthy fishbone that my kids just got done paying with.
globaltourniquet, Jul 08 2001

       To continue the Paul Simon references, "They would have been putting the boy in the bubble and they would have been giving the baby a baboon heart..."
Dog Ed, Jul 08 2001

       Now let's not overreact. I have two of my own and can say that there have been times when this would have been a highly useful device. It is described as an occasional use item; not to be used every day or for extended periods. Merely to help smooth those rough spots in your daily child rearing experience.   

       Don't forget the feeding tube and soothing recordings of parental-sounding voices.
Rant93, Jul 08 2001

       How about including a volume control so that no-one else has to hear *your* child? Instead of worrying about protecting *him* (as [gt][ said), why not protect the rest of us *from* him. Carry him everywhere in a sealed box.
angel, Jul 08 2001

       You could skip the kid entirely and just carry around a sealed box.
wiml, Jul 08 2001

       which has a 50% chance of containing a baby?
RobertKidney, Jul 08 2001

       You have a very sick twist on life, often I have wished for something to tune out others children. You should re-focus your attention to a device that someone like you or I could use to silence the sounds of a whining child, while still allowing other sounds to be heard, with todays technology and your sick twist on life...it should be no problem!
gwoops, Jul 08 2001

       I think gwoops may have a point here. My grandfather wore a hearing aid just so he could turn down grandma. Those people who impatiently glare at whining children in public places can take things into their own hands with a deafening aid with patented "whine-drowner" technology. Actually highly feasible. Maybe its own thread. I have no idea what's sick or twisted about this, though.
Rant93, Jul 09 2001

       The 'deafening aid', although a fine notion, would not enable me to converse with the person whom I can't hear over the row of the squalling brat at the next table. Silencing (or removing) the brat would.
angel, Jul 10 2001

       angel: Easy enough to tune the device to only filter certain frequencies like a karaoke vocal remover but tuned to "baby whine" frequencies. Unless you have the misfortune to be trying to converse with a person whose vocal range is that of a whining baby, you should be fine.
Rant93, Jul 13 2001


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