Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Bagpipe Mine

To discourage the inappropriate* playing of bagpipes
  [vote for,

As far as I can tell, bagpipes** are some form of sound weapon, an auditory flamethrower if you will. They are frequently to be seen at military shows, where they are deployed in between bursts of gun fire... some form of early attempt at combined arms I assume.

Anyway, these weapons have clearly been deployed by Scottish militant partisans against unsuspecting members of the public, sometimes in town centers, in an obvious attempt to extort money. It has to stop.

With the advent of cheap digital signal processing, I correctly assume it would be easy to automatically detect the sound of bagpipes. Such a mechanism could be incorporated into a land mine***. These mines could be buried both randomly and concentrated in strategic points. The idea being that the militants would never know if the particular spot outside Clark's, or a random rocky outcrop were safe. Within a few seconds of arming the bag thingy and discharging the weapon.... BOOOM!! a rain of tartan, blood and splinters.

* there is no appropriate ** and the recorder *** inhumane, but they started it

bs0u0155, Aug 11 2014


       Title promised a deep shaft into which they could be thrown.
the porpoise, Aug 11 2014

       //Title promised a deep shaft into which they could be thrown//   

       No. That would be a deep shaft from which uncut bagpipes would be hewn from the living rock, this would be counterproductive.   

       What you thought was: "disused mine in which bagpipes may be interred"
bs0u0155, Aug 11 2014

       This would be a perfect project for crowdfunding - we are the crowd, and we will fund you.   

8th of 7, Aug 11 2014

       Bagpipes as weapons? Yes. And yes, it's Pynchon quote time:
"Without Bag-Pipes at the Van, playing that Musick forbidden to all other Scots to play since 1745, and thereby doubly damn'd,- a-chaunting and a-keening all their loss, failure, hatred, may I say, of England,- frightening village after Village into Submission,- the Brits would never have prevail'd in India ... in their Spoilation of Scotland they had learn'd the Power of that Cry that never Breathes, the direct Appeal to Animal Terror, and converted it to their Uses, leaving Loin-cloths besmear'd all up and down the Tropickal World."
calum, Aug 11 2014

       You want independance ? Fine, wonderful, go on then, bugger off, and take your bloody bagpipes with you.   

       There are barns from East to West just south of Hadrian's Wall stuffed full of razor wire and land mines, looking forward to the glorious day when the border can once more be secured against the ingress of itinerant mouth-breathing drunken sponging Jocks.
8th of 7, Aug 11 2014

       I thought the mining of bagpipes had been discovered.
I don't know why a lot of people here are becoming so intolerant of other people's customs. Just sayin'

       A bagpipe mime would be a different story. (oh yeah, already taken)
xandram, Aug 12 2014

       // intolerant of other people's customs. //   

       Fine ... bring back witch-burning, pogroms, bear-baiting, cutting the hearts out if sacrificial victims with an obsidian knife, and morris dancing.
8th of 7, Aug 12 2014

       Ok, no morris dancing or accordion playing, just the Wicker Man and Trial by Ordeal.
8th of 7, Aug 12 2014


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