Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Make mine a double.

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Bathroom Bullseye

redirects split stream to single urine stream flow
  (+4, -2)
(+4, -2)
  [vote for,

This one's for the guys...or for very confident women. Who hasn't stood in front of a sit-down toilet bowl with eyes closed, luxuriating in the release of pent-up pressure and fairly sure of one's aim, only to glance down in disgust at the split stream of urine issuing forth, each branch missing the bowl entirely? Had it with your Nile River mischievously turning into the Tigris and Euphrates? Time to retire your Johnny Mop and pick up the Bathroom Bullseye! It's essentially a large funnel with a two foot length of hose attached that guarantees 100% accuracy (longer hoses available for epileptics). It features a rubber cone-shaped shroud, which virtually eliminates any backwash, and has an opening at the top that can stretch to accomodate any size outflow pipe, allowing for hands-free operation (shroud detaches for the ladies). Disposable sanitary inserts for the opening, available separately, make Bathroom Bullseye a product everyone will love!
Rm Brz, Mar 11 2002

Flash pee simulator
Gets harder the more you drink. [waugsqueke, Oct 17 2004]


       Seems that it's only men that don't have to clean toilets who think that sitting down to pee is a bad idea.
quarterbaker, Mar 11 2002

       I don't sit because it requires full trouser droppage. I'm not lazy enough to want pre-folded toilet paper, but I am *this* lazy.   

       Oddly, I haven't had this problem since my younger, carefree days. Perhaps it has something to do with drinking and/or non-monogamous sex.
phoenix, Mar 11 2002

       phoenix - I understand. I don't sit down all the time, but when I'm at home and drunk, I'd rather sit to pee than clean the toilet in the morning while suffering a hangover.
quarterbaker, Mar 11 2002

       Go out and find a tree, no aim required.
rbl, Mar 11 2002

       however a good excuse may be required for the police officer.
kaz, Mar 11 2002

       Especially if the tree a_n_d the cop get watered.
thumbwax, Mar 11 2002

       [quarterbaker] I was talking about the morning after which is, historically, when I would have this problem.
phoenix, Mar 11 2002

       I'm not clear on how two jets are resulting from a single outflow. There is something impeding the flow at some point?   

       Oh, is this a foreskin issue? Insufficient retraction?
waugsqueke, Mar 11 2002

       To Waugsqueke: I am not a medical person; however, it wouldn't surprise me to find that the two-stream phenomenon that many men experience is smegma-related (see comments by phoenix, Mar 11). It is a minor blockage that always disappears almost immediately, but with the Bathroom Bullseye, it is not even an issue.
Rm Brz, Mar 11 2002

       Ooooo. I'm heartily tempted to delete all my annotations and forget I ever saw this idea. Frankly, I don't think the mechanics of the problem matter, only that there is a solution. That said, any male who claims not to know what this idea is about is highly suspect.   

       (departing this idea now, never to return)
phoenix, Mar 12 2002

       // any male who claims not to know what this idea is about is highly suspect //   

       Hang on a minnit, there, phoe... you can't drop a comment like this without some explanation! Highly suspect how? why?
waugsqueke, Mar 12 2002

       Why stand to pee? Why aim? Aiming is for the time when you are distant to your target and can't be close to it, but when you can be colse to it, and if you are sane, you prefer being close to your target than aiming to the target. So sit down and be relax, the name of the place you are doing that in, is rest room! And why you waste your time and energy in cleaning bathrooms? You can save it for more useful affairs by reducing the need of bathroom to be cleaned! Not bad if you know that in my culture the male people avoid pissing while standing! In my country it's so, as my religion has recommended not to pee while standing and do it while sitting or squatting. I know there, they teach the kid when he can stand up, how to pee while standing, but it's not so here. However, I am male and quite healthy, but I don't pee while standing.. You should consider that there are many diffrent ways and theologies arround the world. To my own, peeing while standing is a nasty actions, also it does not feet a man's character, that's like you imagine a respectable man standing up stright some where, his penis is out and his piss line in front of him! Who made the rule that males MUST stand up while urinating? And don't relate it to the nature, potentially many things are natural as an ability; one can bring it out (gun), aim and kill, but he has choosing power, although he has the ability, but he may not do it if he is sane; one can just bring it out, aim and piss, but does it mean he can not do it in a way but that?! As God has made the ability of peeing while standing easily in guys, it must have an advantage, and yes it has. In men's jobs some times urgent situations happen, and some times they have to do some thing in a short time when the speed is important, and some times men have situations that they can't sit or squat or are in places where sitting or squatting is not easily possible; in such times they can use their ability of peeing while standing easily. However, it will be great if the current way of peeing of guys in toilets and bathrooms, in the most parts of the world, changes. Thank you for your notification- Ali
Ali Emami, Dec 05 2002

       Speaking of highly suspect...
DrCurry, Mar 02 2003

       It's fairly common for old males to get an enlarged prostate which makes peeing while sitting down impossible or very unsuccessful - tiny flow, incomplete emptying of bladder.   

       At the same approximate time it's not unusual for older men to develop the split stream problem. It's not a clog of dried semen, this problem develops at a stage in life when semen production is often very minimal. It can happen to circumcised men, so it doesn't have to involve a foreskin in the way issue. I read that it can be cause by stricture farther up than the tip. I think lower flow rate might increase split stream tendency.   

       The split stream problem can be an very occasional problem, possibly correctable on the fly, so to speak, by quickly adjusting aim, to an every time you pee problem that puts pee on your legs and or pants and socks and the floor every time you pee.   

       At this stage the problem is not a laughing matter at all.   

       This problem is made worse by another property of older males, stomachs that stick out too far to see the genitals. This means you can be peeing on the floor and or your pants the whole time and not know it at all.
ChuckBaggett, Sep 18 2012

       When I was young I didn't have a pot to pee in. Later on I was required to measure my liquid waste using a measuring jug. I continue to do so. Result; happy Mrs, also, I now have a pot to pee in.
Lesser Spotted Kiwi, Sep 18 2012

       And a window to throw it out of?   

       (with apologies to Shakespeare)
normzone, Sep 19 2012

       Is a lessor one who leases? Let's see what OED has to say.
bungston, Sep 19 2012

       Correct. Purely a typo. Have tried to correct without success. My red faced apologies.
Lesser Spotted Kiwi, Sep 20 2012


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