Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a rich, flaky crust

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Sex smart toilet.

Cause it happens.
  (+5, -20)(+5, -20)(+5, -20)
(+5, -20)
  [vote for,

This toilet would be wired into the surrouding house computer or could operate as a stand alone toilet. When it detects the various signs of copulation it extends a tube to a pre-set height. So when I go the the bathroom after sex I simply stick my weiner in the tube and piss away. This would prevent urine from flying all over the place.
Antegrity, Oct 10 2005


       Is your house in zero G?   

Antegrity, Oct 10 2005

       This makes no sense to me.
bristolz, Oct 10 2005

       Okay so you've addressed the male side of it, now what about the feminine? How would it help the women?
PollyNo9, Oct 10 2005

       What some sort of a vagina cleaning attachment??
Antegrity, Oct 10 2005

       I swear I thought I read that as some sort of "vagina cream cheese cleaning".   

       Alas, I lie. I just thought the marrying of bris and ben was meant to be. Cream cheese vagina rings, (edible birth control)?
blissmiss, Oct 10 2005

       Well Actually I take that back. I guess it's just called a bidet. But besides that I don't think think would only be needed after sex, some guys just can't aim.
PollyNo9, Oct 10 2005

       How can you aim 4 different streams????
Antegrity, Oct 10 2005

       Ben would hate me.
bristolz, Oct 10 2005

       to weird to bun, sorry.
Mr Phase, Oct 10 2005

       Yeah, but you might really, really, really love him.   

       Or not.
blissmiss, Oct 10 2005

       Just sit down [Antegrity] - or does that affect your masculine self-image?
wagster, Oct 10 2005

       I would sit down but I usually have a half boner and I cant tuck it into the toilet.
Antegrity, Oct 10 2005

       Hmmmm. I didn't really want to know that.
wagster, Oct 10 2005

       //I usually have a half boner // Have a whole (fish) boner. Practice handstands. What [wags] said.
coprocephalous, Oct 10 2005

       What a load of amber-coloured bollocks.
skinflaps, Oct 10 2005


       Moderator with cleaning equipment to product: [general] please.   

ConsulFlaminicus, Oct 10 2005

       //I would sit down but I usually have a half boner//
Diagnosis: Priapism.
calum, Oct 10 2005

       No, that would be a full boner. Half a boner would be Pria
blissmiss, Oct 10 2005

       Ah yes, of course.   

       Somewhat relatedly, when I was a lad I was taught PE by a man who appeared to suffer from either a mild case of priapism or a deviant procilivity for stuffing a walnut whip down his tracksuit. The poor fella, already vaguely gnomic in appearance, was known inter alia as "Mr Triangle Pants" and "Bertie Stonner", stonner being slang round those parts for a throbbing cockstand. Ah, the halcyon days of etc.
calum, Oct 10 2005

       The tube: I like it.   

       Detecting copulation, extending tube: I doubt it.   

       All in all, I like it.
Texticle, Oct 10 2005

       // throbing cockstand // puerile and brilliant.
jonthegeologist, Oct 10 2005

       Yeah it would have to be extended only after sex cause the tube being extended all the time may cause certain problems. Like wanting to stick my weiner in the tube.
Antegrity, Oct 11 2005

       //How can you aim 4 different streams????// why don't u use four extension tubes then ? wait a minute; wouldn't it be a lot easier to just get a larger straw to add the aiming ???
sweet, Oct 11 2005

       //This would prevent urine from flying all over the place.// i can easily imagine little drops of urine growing wings, all rising into the air and taking chosen routes with no regard to anything the man that gave birth to them could say . that's the most funky image in the world. [+]
sweet, Oct 11 2005

       is this idea also designed so you can piss against the wind by any chance ? is it ?
sweet, Oct 11 2005

       Surely the mfd bollocks applies?.
The author appears to need a computer to sort out his biological toilet routine.
Oooh!, Am I having a piss or have I just come?. I dunno! I hope the toilet knows because I haven't got a clue.
The author does not suggest how the sounds of copulation will be tracked, identified and , moreover, identified as your own. Nor how the 'device' will identify the fact that it is in fact your weiner (sic) that requires the redirection.

       Oh Yeah!, 50% of the people on this website do not need the contraption, anyway.
gnomethang, Oct 11 2005

       [gnomethang] nicely played cons, but a little closed minded. It's possible, but it would be expensive, merely for the prototype. The technology is advanced; it would take a lot of endurance to get this one out on the market. [Antegrity] The only problem is audience communication; had you gone out of your way to research the possibilities and found the best way to logically explain it, then it would have been much more convincing. If it can be visualized, it can be created.... I like the idea [+]
Gryph, Oct 12 2005

       Its clear that (all the guys) here who have boned, figuratively of course, this idea obviously have never taken a piss after sex or have somehow managed to have one straight steam of piss their entire lives. The ladies I can see having a hard time with this idea.
Antegrity, Oct 12 2005

       this is why i only have sex on urinals.
IcarusByNight, Oct 12 2005

       I usually don't respond to such postings, but I have extra time this morning. Guys, just pee before you get to the foreplay, and for Gawds' sake, wash your hands. Thankyou.
dentworth, Oct 12 2005

       Well said [dentworth] It is also worth pointing out to the lad that if his habit is to ejaculate and then rush off to the toilet, then it appears he is treating his girlfriend as a semen recepticle and not as a lover.
ConsulFlaminicus, Oct 12 2005

       //puerile and brilliant//
*bows* My work here is done.
calum, Oct 12 2005

       //foreplay// Nope, sorry [dent], stop right there - you'll have to explain that word - I'm a bloke.
coprocephalous, Oct 12 2005

       It's one of those country-specific words [copro]. In Australia, it means brushing the cattle dog hairs off the mattress in the back of the ute.
ConsulFlaminicus, Oct 12 2005

       Antegrity, I watch South Park. Once you said the word, weiner, all I could think about was the character "Butters".   

       I now imagine you as an 8-year-old in a bear costume being kidnapped by Paris Hilton.   

       Of all the possible words that can be used to denote a penis, weiner is possibly the worst you could use, if you are trying to come across as a guy who is old enough to have actually had sex.
Madai, Oct 12 2005

       ////foreplay// Nope, sorry [dent], stop right there - you'll have to explain that word - I'm a bloke.//   

       foreplay is foreplay in any sexually stimulating language, sheez and you're a bloke? Try stroking a cabbage, that's foreplay.
skinflaps, Oct 12 2005

       //Try stroking a cabbage// Hey, I said a bloke, not Ainsley Harriet.
coprocephalous, Oct 12 2005

       yeegads, "stroking the cabbage". a new euphemism.
dentworth, Oct 12 2005

       //"throbbing cockstand" (top hole...)//
For some reason, this sounds like a proclamation a waistcoat-wearing deviant might proclaim before attempting some sort of sexual trickshot. Excellent work.
calum, Oct 12 2005

       As for the detecting mechanism, I guess (and I am being really optimistic here) you could use an electronic sniffer type thing, you purposefully get (I can't believe I am saying this) some semen on it one time and from then on it detects the, er, scent of it in the air around you. Ick.   

       This may seem a very naive question but what four streams? re: // How can you aim 4 different streams?? //   

       Admittedly I've never seen a guy pee but it's hard to imagine.
PollyNo9, Oct 12 2005

       I think maybe I do [Murdoch].   

       In men's defense, peeing directly after sex helps ward off urinary tract infections, same goes for women.
PollyNo9, Oct 12 2005

       //just pee before you get to the foreplay//   

       Maybe he does, and three hours later he needs a bathroom break?
Ling, Oct 12 2005

       Three hours eh? I guess if the foreplay and/or sex lasted that long you would need to drink lots of water.
PollyNo9, Oct 12 2005

       I just stand in the shower and go..
S-note, Jun 08 2012


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle