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Beautiful Ultimate Athletes

Play well _and_ look good!
  (+2, -6)
(+2, -6)
  [vote for,

It is astonishing to me that most professional athletes seem to earn their keep by being good at their jobs. That is, they are excellent athletes. What is astonishing is that in every other field of entertainment, there is a powerful selective pressure to hire physically beautiful people. The result: loads of eye candy on the news, movies and MTV. Obviously, good actors and singers are being passed over in favor of the pretty people. Why isn't this the case in professional sports? Clearly, the furor over Anna Kournikova suggests there is a market for this.

The truth is, a team of beautiful people assembled as a marketing tactic would get trounced by current teams of plain looking excellent athletes. What is needed is a new professional sport, from the ground up.

Ultimate Frisbee fits the bill perfectly. Ultimate is a fun, fast paced, very visual game, and men and women can play on the same team. I propose that the NU (National Ultimate) league be formed, and coed teams be stocked with phenomenally beautiful people of each sex. They must be pretty good at frisbee, too. Games would be real competition, not exhibitions like wrestling. But care would be taken (uniforms, hair, camerawork) to make sure the competitors looked great at all times.

The sports world is pretty saturated - a new sport needs an edge. The competition could be just as good even if the competitors aren't world class: think minor league baseball. Beautiful people = ratings. This would be a moneymaker!

bungston, Jun 08 2003

Ultimate Frisbee Players Assc. http://www.upa.org/
[ato_de, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]

Ultimate Frisbee Rules http://www.ultimatehandbook.com/
Wimps, when I played there were two rules...
1) Disk on the ground or out of bounds, change possession.
2) No edged weapons. [ato_de, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]

One of many beautiful athletes for bungston http://www.angelfir...ain/brandipics.html
Definitely world class. Definitely beautiful. Definitely baked. [Tiger Lily, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]

California Beach Volleyball Association http://www.cbva.com/
[kevindimie, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 06 2004]


       // Why isn't this the case in professional sports? //   

       Athletics is one of the few disciplines left where people are recognized and rewarded for their achievements, not their appearances.   

       This is the way it should be. Great big fishbone for the attitude, satirical or not.
waugsqueke, Jun 08 2003

       Have a croissant for reminding me of my early days and conjouring a picture of Yasmine Bleethe stretched out mid-air, reaching for the disc.
ato_de, Jun 08 2003

       "Obviously, good actors and singers are being passed over in favor of the pretty people."
I disagree with this completely. Ever watch "NYPD Blue"? "Benny Hill"? "Monty Python's Flying Circus"? "The Sopranos"? There are characters/actors on all those shows who wouldn't fit the classic definition of beautiful.

       "The truth is, a team of beautiful people assembled as a marketing tactic would get trounced by current teams of plain looking excellent athletes."
Sorry, I have to disagree with this too. Beauty <> Stupidity (or Inability) any more than Plainness = Intelligence (or Aptitude).
phoenix, Jun 08 2003

       I don't see how there's less scope for competitiveness and excellence in Ultimate Frisbee than in something else. It's a sport like any other.
sild, Jun 09 2003

       You know, I see an awful (literally & figuratively) lot of actors, actresses and models on a daily basis. Whether it's at their agent's office, at a shoot, a casting call/callback (auditions) or at their home while delivering a script, or just at the store or what-not. I kid thee not, *maybe* 1 out of 1000 has *wow* factor. By the way - when dropping off at night, *if* they answer the door, 99% of the time, they're in a ratty-ass white terry-cloth bathrobe, looking like hell - no matter how famous, rich, or camera-friendly they are to John or Joan Q. Public - I have seen the truth, and it ain't pretty. So if it's any consolation, we're waaaaay better looking *and* we have personality and brains.
thumbwax, Jun 09 2003

       I am astonished that this idea is being fishboned! Really - it has everything a good idea should. Consider: 1: Adaptation of a popular sport 2: Professional sport league with men and women as teammates - when has _that_ been done? 3: Beautiful people as money making scheme - worked with Baywatch, worked with Are You Hot, would work well here.   

       I cannot imagine people out there dislike beauty, athletics and frisbee. Speaking of frisbee [ato] - get back out there. The great thing about Ultimate is you can be old and slow (in case you are now old and slow) and still have a lot of fun and get a good workout.
bungston, Jun 09 2003

       // Really - it has everything a good idea should. //   

       If you have to tell people your idea is good - it's not.
waugsqueke, Jun 09 2003

       I now spend my excersize time playing double's ping pong and softball. Not at the same time...   

       Can't find a good group of ultimate players to save my life. Besides, they all want to play on Saturday or Sunday during the day, and if I'm not working, I am spending a bit of precious time with the chilluns. Perhaps when they get older...   

       Anyway, you have my croissant and I think you are getting the first wave of PC backlash, your idea is fine, this reaction fits into the Halfbakery oversensitivity matrix.
ato_de, Jun 09 2003

       I really don't understand that comment, ato. I think it's entirely unfair of you (and others) to just dismiss whole groups of people's attitudes as "oversensitivity". It could just as easily be reversed, with reactions such as yours being dismissed as the 'callous idiot reflex'. No one gets ahead either way. So no, you can't just dismiss it.   

       The other aspect of this that intrigues is the croissanting of ideas that are clearly offensive on the grounds that they are 'satirical'. I don't quite get that. If an idea is bad, it's bad, what does satire have to do with it? Do we reward satire here for its own sake?   

       The "Repeal Womens' Suffrage" idea is another example. Clearly the author does not actually endorse the idea seriously, but does that fact mean the idea should be voted up?
waugsqueke, Jun 09 2003

       This is baked (kind of, er, almost).   

       All you need is to find a suitably attractive opponent for me to play in a supreme contest/titanic struggle in the greatest of all sports : Table Tennis.
Now that's a ratings winner.
Jinbish, Jun 09 2003

       [Link] [bungston], if you can hold your nose away from the centerfolds long enough, you'll see this is baked.
Tiger Lily, Jun 09 2003

       Waugs, let me regale you with a parable. When I was 12 I had never eaten an olive. My friend's dad explained to me the reasons that olives are good, and eventually persuaded me to eat an olive. Now I like olives.   

       I understand when folks don't immediately cotton to the "Full Gut Condom" or other more esoteric inventions. But when an idea of such overweening magnificence as this one receives such a boning I must think: perhaps a summary of the strong points will help the community grok more fully.
bungston, Jun 09 2003

       //It is astonishing to me that most professional athletes seem to earn their keep by being good at their jobs.//   

       Isn't this how everyone earns his keep?   

       //Clearly the author does not actually endorse the idea seriously, but does that fact mean the idea should be voted up?//   

       For me: only if I am sufficiently entertained, as in something like "Pre-paid Late Fees". That was clearly a "bad" idea (as in - not something I would ever use if it existed), but I thought it was amusing to look at the notion of late fees from a different perspective.
snarfyguy, Jun 09 2003

       Reensure, do you mean to suggest that professional bowlers are chosen for their beauty? It could be true. I have not watched much bowling lately.
bungston, Jun 09 2003

       This sort of worked for beach volleyball for a while (for both sexes), but it seems to have faded. There the athletes have been quite open about the cheesecake factor.
kevindimie, Jun 10 2003

       //Athletics is also the one discipline where one's "achievements" are either grossly over-rewarded or under-rewarded, always at the expense of real education.//   

       Hmm...David Robinson,   

       //if you make a compromise to keep the girls pretty, then it's not really a professional sport.//   

       ...Nancy Kerrigan, Kristi Yamaguchi.   

       Fishbone for [arthur] for sharing his/her myopic, clitellata point of view.
Tiger Lily, Jun 10 2003

       Venus and Serena Williams.   

       Arthur, was that a Dogbert "bah"? I couldn't quite see if you were waving your paw.
egbert, Jun 10 2003

       Serena is definitely the best looking athlete out there, in my opinion. Most of the "competitors" in surfing tend to be easy on the eyes.
goober, Jun 10 2003

       OK then, why not instead challenge the ad agencies notion of beauty by using athletically perfect specimens in ads? It would start a trend whereby ultimately normal looking people would be used for advertisements thereby reducing the stigma attached to not being idealistically attractive and ending obesity and hence world hunger. Maybe.
egbert, Jun 10 2003

       //Heh heh, you said "clitellata." That means worm.//   

       Heh heh. _My-opic_ clitellata, at that, though I doubt that you would appreciate my sense of humor here.
Tiger Lily, Jun 10 2003

       < [silverstormer] confiscates [Arthur] and [Tiger Lily]'s handbags >
silverstormer, Jun 10 2003

       waugs, I don't think this is satirical and can't find the portion of my comments where I implied that I did.   

       That being said, the idea of a "sport" or other entertainment being both athletic and eye-candy-esque, is a croissantable idea, in that I would love to watch a bunch of hot dudes and chicks play ultimate frisbee. Bay Watch has been thrown around here a bit, so I will toss it your way for examination. Would anyone have watched Bay Watch if it had been cast with fat, ugly people? No. You seem to be so upset with the requirement that participants be easy on the eyes, that you have overlooked the actual idea. That makes you oversensitive.
ato_de, Jun 10 2003

       //Obviously, good actors and singers are being passed over in favor of the pretty people//

Although there's always going to be a bit of that, as illustrated by the Anna K example, I would argue that, on the whole it's rather the opposite. There's an awful lot of hype and marketing designed to convince you that all these people that you see on the TV are beautiful and attractive when, as 'wax points out, the truth is rather different.

Clearly though, I fit into the beautiful person category and so must vote in favour of this idea in order to further my own shallow and self-seeking career.
DrBob, Jun 10 2003

       Let me ask this: if a person was really good at the sport, but was considered unattractive, would (s)he be disallowed?
snarfyguy, Jun 10 2003

       // You seem to be so upset with the requirement that participants be easy on the eyes, that you have overlooked the actual idea. That makes you oversensitive. //   

       Firstly, I'm not upset in the slightest. Secondly, no I have not overlooked the idea either - in fact, I am mystified why you would say that. My objection (not to be confused with being upset, ever) to the idea is that it completely misses the point of athletics. I was trying to point this out to bung, in lieu of his astonishment at its negative reception.   

       Absolutely none of which makes me oversensitive. I will admit perhaps to being somewhat oversensitive to being called oversensitive, but nothing else. I think its a dismissive and meaningless term too often thrown around by callous idiot reflexives.
waugsqueke, Jun 10 2003

       It is clearly proposed as a marketing/money-making venture with sports as a background to a stunning visual spectacle.   

       Your responses indicate that you have been sidetracked by a superficial aspect of the concept (beefcake/cheesecake) and have completely missed the fundamental premise (make money from the voyeuristic).   

       We prefer to be called "Sensitivity-challenged"
ato_de, Jun 10 2003

       I am perhaps getting somewhat tired of being told what I missed. I missed nothing. I simply disagree with it. How about we leave it at that?
waugsqueke, Jun 10 2003

       no prob.
ato_de, Jun 10 2003

       I wonder sometimes why some people bother coming to this site when they are bothered by 98% of the ideas and annos. I'm not naming anyone, but you know who you are.
goober, Jun 10 2003

       Nope, nope, no truce! I am wading back in, although I consider waugsquekyness to be different from oversensitivity. The point of athletics: in the Olympics, it is pure competition as waugs points out. In Sunday leagues, it is to have fun and get in shape. In professional sports, it is to _make money_. That is the reason professional sports exist.
bungston, Jun 10 2003

       Why am I a bunghole? "booger" and "goober" look really funny next to each other.
goober, Jun 10 2003

       Okay, but can it be pinball instead of tennis?
snarfyguy, Jun 10 2003

       Just because I'm so picky?
bungston, Jun 10 2003

       Did you know that "goober" spelled backwards is "booger."
Jezzie, Jun 10 2003

       I thought it was *reboog*
thumbwax, Jun 11 2003

       At this point, I would like to propose the creation of a "So There!" emoticon.
egbert, Jun 11 2003

       <dave berry> or a band </dave berry>
ato_de, Jun 11 2003

       in this html challenged yet ever so wonderful playing feild provided to us by Her Highness [jutta], the underscore punctuation mark (_) is sometimes used to place an em_pha_sis on a particular word, sillybub or phrase.
ato_de, Jun 12 2003

       So there.
egbert, Jun 12 2003


       I always thought that Dr Johnson's excellent book of words gave 'sillybull' (with apologies to Blackadder)
gnomethang, Jun 12 2003

       //In Sunday leagues, it is to have fun and get in shape//

Can't let you get away with that one, bungston. Clearly you've never played in Sunday leagues. They have many purposes, foremost of which is 'escaping from the wife/kids/significant other/rest of the world for a bit', closely followed by 'excuse to spend more time in the pub with your mates'. I've never yet heard any of my team mates claim that they were trying to get in shape (unless it's a particularly round shape that you're thinking of) and fun is merely secondary to the main purposes outlined above.
DrBob, Jun 12 2003

       //I am astonished that this idea is being fishboned!//   


       Tennis without Anna and her ilk is all:   

"Love 15"
FloridaManatee, Jun 12 2003

       [arthur], there is no cryptic purpose for hyphenating the word myopic other than I was feeling a little inspired by Jimmy Durante.   

       My comment about you having a myopic clitellata point of view was nothing more than a friendly sucker punch, doubled. Worms don’t even have eyes. A bit redundant, eh?   

       The fact that worms do sense light and will move away from it so as not to become paralyzed by it fit well with my opinion that enlightenment, perhaps, is not your cup of tea. Using the class, clitellata, as opposed to making a more typical reference to the phylum, Annelid, was more appealing to me since I felt your annotation fixated on the irrelevant attributes of female athletes.   

       The comparison to myopic clitellata also played on an image from an earlier annotation of mine. No permanent harm was meant. I was contesting your view point, not so much you as an individual. You evened the score by calling me a "pretentious ass," an icy remark compared to those more colorful and playful titles you issue such as goober and booger, both of which I now aspire to earn someday.
Tiger Lily, Jun 12 2003

       Well, bugger, that would be *booger and bunghole*. My apologies goober.
Tiger Lily, Jun 13 2003

       No problem. It's a common mistake. My wife still gives it a negative connotation, but I'll learn her.
jediprincess_3, Jun 13 2003

       Are not athletes beautiful just as athletes? Is not the savage intent, achieved through fluid motion, beauty of the highest order?
bristolz, Jun 13 2003

       So, Ms. Jedi, by any chance is your first name arthur or possibly goober?
Tiger Lily, Jun 13 2003

       I think you're missing something here... If you want to have a professional team, the players can't just be "pretty good". I believe someone should be excellent at their sport to be a pro, not just "pretty good".
PMal, Jul 05 2003

       I think the remarkable success of olympic beach volleyball has proved my premise here is correct.
bungston, Aug 23 2004

       This is what cheerleaders are for.
harderthanjesus, Aug 23 2004

Lose the Beach Volleyball.
We are compiling a list.
Less drug cover ups from the USA (in general).
Less whinging complaints from GBR (mainly).
gnomethang, Aug 23 2004

       Buggered if I know [scout], I left 16 years ago!. Only did Virgil, Cicero and Pliny.
gnomethang, Aug 24 2004

       If beauty is the main focus then it isn't a sport but is actually porn. There are enough ways to look at pretty people already without trying to keep everyone else out of sport. If this is ever baked it should be on Spike TV rather than ESPN.
stilgar, Sep 12 2005

       Thats an.. euh.. an euhh...lets call it ´a novel´approach to porn you have there..   

       Basically you are saying that if its about beauty, its porn.   

       And yes there are enough ways indeed. I would like more ways to look at normal people.
Susan, Sep 13 2005

       I was thinking about this idea again, in light of some of the new reality / contest shows now prevalent. Examples: Idol, Next Supermodel, etc. It seems an integral component of these shows is that beauftiful / talented / creative people are dressed down or otherwise roundly criticised and humiliated by judges. I suppose there must be a public appetite for such fare.   

       It would be easy to integrate such aftergame "reality" stuff into a new league. I cannot imagine that a ball player making 6 million would agree to being dressed down by a coach of some sort on camera. But this, together with semi-staged interactions between players, would comprise an aftergame show in this new sport.   

       I should mention that this sport could be viewed live, but would not be televised live. It would be produced and cut like sports on a movie, for better TV viewing.
bungston, Feb 26 2007

       If this were a complete satire, I suppose it could merit a chuckle, because it is the stuff of satire. If it were, in fact, posed in all seriousness, as I am increasingly beginning to believe, it would be repulsive. Namely for its superficiality. Whether or not it would be a 'money maker' (which is irrelevant to me), is far from redeeming it; far, far away.
monk, Mar 01 2007

       Baked. Pro Beach Volleyball.
Noexit, Mar 02 2007

       My definition of porn (above) was a bit too broad but not far from the truth. This is a cumbersome way of perving over pretty people. I was thinking about this yesterday in connection with the Pussycat Dolls. There is way too much crap about that focuses on appearances over skill for my liking. I wish pop groups, TV shows and such would be a bit more honest rather than expecting us to believe that those girls were picked for their singing ability and just happened to look (and dress) like underwear models.   

       To those who pointed out that this would make money, you're right. I just wish you weren't.
stilgar, Mar 05 2007

       I continue to ponder this idea, and would like to volunteer that I am available (as a consultant, for a mere 0.1% of the gross) to media moguls and producers interested in making this happen. It occurred to me that a new professional sport could capitalize on internet video as a medium. This sport could be it!   

       Teams would not be geographic, but idiosyncratic. There would be a team of smiling stoners, a team of tough chicks (lesbians? Maybe!), a team of Chinese-americans, a team of New Yorkers, etc. A breadth of teams would be devised to maximize appeal.   

       Two games a week could broadcast on a minor cable channel. But all the games of a week would be available, free, on the internet.   

       One could watch the games only. There would also be a parallel reality show showing the atheletes interacting off the field, at practice, out and about, etc. Each team would have its own 20 minute weekly show. This weekly "reality" portion would be fluffed up with action shots at practice and pieces of the game from that week.   

       All ads would be via product placement and explicit endorsement by the atheletes. Links for the products would appear with the internet video.   

       This is a lot of content. It would be done on the cheap along the lines of Real Life.
bungston, Apr 11 2007


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