Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Competitive Duck-Feeding

quack quack quack
  [vote for,

Any number of versions of this basic principle could be set up once standardised pond-certification schemes are set up.

Competitively, the players stand at evenly-spaced points on the perimeter of the pond, and attempt to attract the largest crowd of ducks to their area, either with a bread limit, or simply aiming to be first to get all the ducks.

As solo skills challenges, players could aim to feed every single duck in the shortest time possible, or, using finely honed anatidine control techniques, aim to feed some ducks but not others. Again bread limits could be imposed for added difficulty.

In professional play rules would have to be instigated to prevent the ducks from being influenced prior to the match; perhaps randomised venues selected from every certified pond in the country?

dbmag9, Mar 08 2008

Farduckmanton http://meaningoflif...rduckmanton&lang=en
[Ned_Ludd, Mar 10 2008]

Somewhat similar Sharkball
Feeding water fauna as a sport? [globaltourniquet, Mar 21 2008]


       would throwing cake be considered cheating?
po, Mar 08 2008

       Only if we "let them eat it".   

       I love this for so many reasons and am probably really good at it!
blissmiss, Mar 08 2008

       I think we need to make an early start on developing a standardized olympic duck.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2008

       When I feed the ducks, they climb out of the pond and surround me. All five hundred of them. It’s briefly amusing. To onlookers, more so.
Amos Kito, Mar 08 2008

       exactly 500? thats very interesting.
po, Mar 08 2008

       Amos - would you mind my asking where you come from? The reason is that it's been found that people either do or don't produce dimethyl butanone in their perspiration (it's a yes or no thing). Humans aren't very sensitive to it, but ducks are (it's present in the preening oil they spread on their feathers), and apparently they go nuts for it. There's a strong ethnic component, with DMB production being almost universal in some ethnic groups and almost absent in others.
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2008

       MB, I've heard the ducks at your country estate will eat only lightly-toasted croutons with a sesame seed garnish and a dash of rosemary.
Canuck, Mar 08 2008

       I like this idea as well but not sure why. If we want to be able to validate the winner and even introduce a range of gambling as well we really need a way to validate who's bread was consumed by what duck in order to check who gets the most bread into the targeted duck. Thoughts of edible RFID with a unique chip in every piece of bread and scan them after should work but that sounds a little expensive.
Braindead, Mar 08 2008

       //where you come from//
[MaxwellBuchanan], there's a German ancestry line, also possibly Sioux or Shoshone, born in NW USA, yet living near Atlanta. I think I'm turning Japanese. I really think so.

       //dimethyl butanone//
That must be it. I once inadvertently attracted a mongoose, which climbed up onto me to steal my cheeseburger. But that's happened less often lately.
Amos Kito, Mar 08 2008

       Would the ducks be bred like bulls for the arena, to provide sport and chalenge? I have found that domesticated ducks generally come to the first person to hit crumb to water which is somewhat dull. Really wild ducks would fly away. hmmm.
WcW, Mar 08 2008

       [Amos] Not sure about the mongoose effect, and I guess your ancestry is sufficiently intriguing to make it impossible to guess whether you'd be DMB+ or DMB- . I think it's fair to say that a cheeseburger would probably be a strong factor also.   

       [Canuck] We've found the ducks hate herbs (as most animals do - herbs evolved their herby oils to deter/poison animals). However, I have to admit to asking Cook to toast the croutons for the ducks; they float longer than if they were plain bread. (The croutons, that is; not the ducks.)
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2008

       //exactly 500? thats very interesting.// <Dustin Hoffman in Rainman type of accent> Five hunderd. That's, ah, five hunderd ducks, ah, five hunderd.< \DHiRtoa>
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 08 2008

       There would have to be some fair way of concealing/releasing the ducks at the beginning of the contest to ensure they were evenly spaced and unable to...make eye contact or whatever. The best part of that is, it would require a master of ceremonies to shout, "release the ducks!"
stoaty, Mar 08 2008

       Many years ago, my brother taught our ducks to run to him when he whistled, simply by whistling while he fed them. I whistle like that to ducks now and then, but never get that rush of happy quacking that used to make me feel special.   

       There's a control technique for you. Is Pavlovian conditioning going to be legal?
baconbrain, Mar 08 2008

       In the individual competition, you could set up a course and the competitor has to get the duck to swim round bouys or through hoops by strategically throwing bread. The timer stops when the duck is in the finishing circle and is then reversed for the amount of time the duck stays in the finishing ring. Penalty time is added for any parts of the course missed.   

       There could be championships for wild ducks and also where the competitors bring their own duck.   

       <aside>Will this idea generate any echos?</aside>
marklar, Mar 09 2008

       // Is Pavlovian conditioning going to be legal? //   

       Well, no-one seems to be objecting to the Democratic primaries......   

       This is a sort of avian-aquatic take on the BBC TV show "One man and his dog", where shepherds use trained sheepdogs to round up small groups of sheep. Standardised ducks probably won't be necessary - compeptitors will have to be able to adapt their technique to the idiosyncratic behaviour of a random selection of ducks, adding to the zest of the competition.   

       Judging would probably have to involve weighing the ducks; a very large pair of scales would be required, with a suitable suspected Witch in the counterbalance pan .....
8th of 7, Mar 09 2008

       [8th of 7] I was thinking of that show, I can't believe I didn't think of saying "One man and his duck".
marklar, Mar 09 2008

       It's a bit like the old English village game of "Hen faddling", isn't it?
MaxwellBuchanan, Mar 09 2008

       Glad you all like the idea.
dbmag9, Mar 09 2008

       Include a spot of synchronized duck wading.
skinflaps, Mar 10 2008

       Would you have to be a professional to compete or could you just dabble in it?
marklar, Mar 10 2008

       // Is Pavlovian conditioning going to be legal? //   

       I bet advertisers the world over are drooling at the thought.
moomintroll, Mar 10 2008

       ...Roland was at a loss to explain his failure in the tournament. He had all the little pancakes. He had the crispy sliced eschallots. He had the hoi-sin sauce. He had the sharp knives. He had the stainless steel hooks and the large butcher's block...
ConsulFlaminicus, Mar 10 2008

       There are going to be some very fat ducks bobbing around on these ponds aren't there. Perhaps some sort of re-hab facility for over-breaded ducks should be established.
DrBob, Mar 10 2008

       They could loose weight in a duck spa… perhaps a hot spa … say 350 F (177 C) for two hours. The large butcher's block is optional… Think Apple dressing with cinnamon...
CwP, Mar 10 2008

       I would love to compete! [+] I should note that bread is not the healthiest food for our fowl friends.
ed, Mar 11 2008

       I freakin' love ducks, dude.   

Giblet, Mar 11 2008


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