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Bicycle Guard Goose

Because someone's friend's uncle definitely had their arm broken by a goose...
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The history of human/animal symbiosis is long and noble. There's a whole menagerie, canaries volunteering to test mines, bears exercising their inalienable right to dance to barrel organ music, or mice leaping onto researcher's syringes. The goose, often found bathing in the warmth of those metal cupboard things in kitchens seldom gets to display its talents while alive.

Now, I notice geese sort of "honk". A bit like those bulb- horn things you may have seen on bicycles. Recently, my bell was stolen. I could replace the bell with a live goose. It could sit, happily on my handlebars, and a timely prod could elicit a honk to warn errant pedestrians. Further to these duties, I could park my bike, safe in the knowledge that my 20lb goose would scare away potential thieves. Everyone knows geese are dangerous, as a child I was specifically told that a non-specific sort of relative was in some way maimed by an enraged goose, as such I stayed away. These geese will be trained to be doggedly territorial about the bycycle to which they are epoxied. When parked in groups, the noise alone will be enough to deter... people, in general. The ankle-deep goose shit will be an issue.

bs0u0155, Oct 07 2014

Poop problem solved! http://www.flightqu...-goose-diapers.html
Goose diapers [Canuck, Oct 07 2014]

Handlebar pitot [pocmloc, Oct 07 2014]

[link]






       It's not about cargo weight. It's about cargo/bike weight. My 47lb "genuine English lightweight" is reasonably happy with a case of beer in the basket. The brakes however...
bs0u0155, Oct 07 2014
  

       If the goose can be trained to extend its wings, there is a reasonable headwind, and the cyclist makes an average effort so as to achieve 10 to 15 knots IAS, then the weight of the goose will be much less of an issue.   

       A specially designed platform for the goose to rest on, allowing it to remain in place, will be needed, as webbed feet are poorly adapted for gripping tubular handlebars. The alternative would be to use a trained eagle, which have an excellent grasp of things, particularly rabbits and lambs. However, the noise may not be as suitable.   

       There is always the risk of triggering crashes through driver distraction, since seeing a cyclist go past with a goose on their handlebars is not exactly commonplace. But then, you can't please everyone.
8th of 7, Oct 07 2014
  

       While an IAS readout would be valuable. It would require a Pitot tube. That's a French invention. I have standards.
bs0u0155, Oct 07 2014
  

       Now you tell us.   

       Actually, because there's no need to automatically compensate for significant changes in air density due to altitude, a hot-wire or simple turbine anemometer might just be sufficient in most cases. However, for the pedalling pedant, only a pitot will do.
8th of 7, Oct 07 2014
  

       //significant changes in air density due to altitude//   

       Well, there are circumstances in which there may be marked changes in speed, altitude and perhaps local air pressure due to weather/altitude combinations while cycling. For example, in the Tour de Fr.... shit.
bs0u0155, Oct 07 2014
  

       I've done many dozens of goose ideas throughout my stint here on the bakery, but this, well this is just not going to work. Sorry. Take it from a "real" goose lover, this ain't gonna work.
blissmiss, Oct 08 2014
  

       Well I know that *I* wouldn't go anywhere near a bike being guarded by a goose. Those things are crazy. I'm probably less apprehensive about an angry dog than I am an angry goose, although that's probably more about being mentally prepared to defend myself from a dog, but not a big bird.   

       That said, I think the owner would be savaged quite badly by said goose. I'm not convinced that a rampaging goose can tell friend from foe.
Custardguts, Oct 08 2014
  

       Heh. My hillbilly grandfather had an attack turkey that lived under his front steps. The steps had only treads.
Nobody got to the front door without the old man calling off that bird.
  

       The geese were friendly though.   
      
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