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Big Sister

Someone to look after your every need.
  (+8, -2)
(+8, -2)
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Let’s get things straight, right from the start. I do not, cannot and will not ever understand why people watch Big Brother. Nothing interesting EVER happens!

However, it seems that I am clearly out of step with the times, so here’s my contribution to modern culture.

Instead of a house where people are forced to sit around like a bunch of art critics on a late night show desperately trying to find something interesting to say about nothing whatever, we have the house where nothing is forbidden (possibly constructed on a boat in neutral waters or on a small rock off the coast of Morocco). The ‘in-mates’ every need and whim would be catered for by fawning and scantily clad attendants and the only way to ‘escape’ out of the house would be to debauch yourself to death . Every time one of the house mates dies a new one is selected at random to take their place. The whole thing would be funded in a similar manner to ‘Who Wants to be A Millionaire’. A two minute phone call on a premium-rate line being the only way to get onto the list of replacement house mates.

Note: This would probably be a post-watershed programme.
DrBob, Jul 18 2002


       I sort of like the idea of this, but I think (in comparison with Big Brother) it's more fun to watch people suffer, whinge, argue and scheme, than to watch them just sit around injecting heroin or eating caviar or whatever and being happy. But then, I don't like happy people. They scare me. And clowns.
pottedstu, Jul 18 2002

       My suspicion is, pottedstu, that they will not remain happy for very long. After a while ennui will set in and they'll try and find more and more imaginative ways of doing themselves irreparable physical and mental harm. Personally, I think it would be unwatchable garbage but then what do I know? I think the same thing about Big Brother!
DrBob, Jul 18 2002

       Sounds sorta like Dynasty.
DrCurry, Jul 18 2002

       I think this would be good if there were evictions. If a "housemate" had not been creative enough in their debauchery, they could be evicted. Or shot. That would motivate them and cast a sinister pall of the proceedings.   

       Plus, I want to know if that Stevie Nicks rumour is possible.
calum, Jul 18 2002

       calum, yes I suppose evictions would be necessary as an incentive to keep on indulging yourself against your better instincts. Shooting the contestants seems a bit harsh though, I suspect it might have a rather drastic effect on the income from the telephone line.

DrCurry, err yes. You're right. It does a bit. But without the overpaid actors.
DrBob, Jul 19 2002

       DrBob: If the inmates were celebrities, and you could watch them get shot live on camera, then I guess the phone lines would be taking a fortune.   

       It's no worse in its way than Roman circuses, with wild animals tearing victims to shreds for the amusement of the public. It would ad interest to episodes of Survivor (I find none at the moment) if there were a few Japanese Snipers hiding out on the island. Big Brother would be endlessly improved if the evictees were dragged up to a real Room 101 and tortured on camera.   

       No-one ever went broke by underestimating public taste. The collective Schadenfreude that comes form watching bad things happen to other people will always sell.   

       Sorry, have to go - late for my Cynics Anonymous meeting.
8th of 7, Jul 19 2002

       "It would add interest to episodes of Survivor (I find none at the moment)" ... that's probably because it isn't on telly at the moment, no?
sappho, Jul 19 2002

       sappho: A few weeks ago it seemed to be impossible to avoid it..... and oh, how tedious. When it was on, I found no interest in the petty squabblings of a bunch of egocentrics in an egineered environment which was too safe to have any interest. If we're going to have "reality TV", let's have some reality. Oh, I forgot - it's called the News.   

       For example, "Real climber climbing genuinely dangerous mountain, risking life in process" = interest and admiration. "Prats arguing aroung campfire watched by well-fed film crew" = bor-ing.
8th of 7, Jul 19 2002

       8th, it's funny that you should mention the Romans. I was just chatting in the pub the other night about some of the alarming similarities between the decline of the Republic and the current state of things in the 'civilised' west.

To wit, obsession with 'the games', decline of interest in politics amongst the general population, constant attempts to extend economic influence into areas where it's not welcome whilst all the time complaining about the 'enemy at the gates' , gradual erosion of civil liberties in the name of security (not that I'm claiming the Roman Republic as some great bastion of human rights). The list goes on. If I were you, I'd start buying gold and bury it in your back garden against a rainy day. It was nearly closing time when I had this conversation mind you.
DrBob, Jul 19 2002

       There is trouble in the Republic ... trade wars are bareking out .... any minute now, someone is going to suggest creating a Clone Army to fight The War Against Terrorism, and then the Bantha-droppings are really going to hit the fan ....   

       "It was nearly closing time when I had this conversation" - you can still converse near closing time ? I'm impressed ...   

       I am well prepared for the Decline and Fall of Western Civilisation, or the Species-Extinction comet hit, thankyou very much.   

       I consider your analysis of the progressive decline of what we refer to as "civilisation" to be frigtheningly accurate.
8th of 7, Jul 19 2002


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