Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Black Tarzan

Lord of the Jungle. In Cambodia.
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(+3, -2)
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So my buddy started by stating his belief that there could never be a black Tarzan... but then we started thinking about it. What about the child of an African-American soldier and a Southeast Asian woman, conceived during the Vietnam War... his father is killed in battle, his mother flees into the jungle... dies shortly after childbirth, and the child is raised by apes...

Maybe he has some interaction with humans as he grows up, enough to give him language (French) and literacy... maybe an elderly French nun who's a hermit serves as a kind of mentor...

smendler, Mar 02 2013

you can type in black Tarzan http://rumandmonkey...ts/toys/namegen/76/
[xandram, Mar 04 2013]

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       Black Tarzan sure. But French Tarzan? Come on! How the heck would that work?
bungston, Mar 02 2013

       //How the heck would that work?//   

       He would just be rude and condescending and the bad guys would get disgusted and leave. If they didn't, he would hit them over the head with a stale baguette?
Klaatu, Mar 02 2013

       His panther cheese is to die for though. Takes a real man to milk a panther.   

       What would he be called? Noirzan?
xenzag, Mar 02 2013

       There are no apes in Vietnam.
Alterother, Mar 02 2013

       One could make a case that each area should have a Tarzan drawn from the indigenous people, raised by animals native to the area. These Tarzans would mostly concern themselves with local affairs but would sometimes band together in a League of Tarzans.
bungston, Mar 02 2013

       The absence of such a league has restricted the emergence of Tarzans in the bourgeoning memeology of the Internet. The formation of such a league will bring Tarzans to a prominence only enjoyed by ninjas, pirates, zombies, vampires, robots, and whatever else with specific attributes that are formative of distinct character types, and cooperative and noncooperative game situations.
rcarty, Mar 03 2013

       Only on the halfbakery...
blissmiss, Mar 03 2013

       //There are no apes in Vietnam. — Alterother, Mar 02 2013// - and no cheese, either. This is Tarzáne, remember.
hippo, Mar 03 2013

       I've been trying to think of an anti-tarzan story - perhaps an ape, Nazrat, is brought up by humans, given frothaccinos and made to work in the tea advertising trade - on one such advertising shoot, they all go out into the jungle and Nazrat wonders off - only to return to find the whole film-crew beaten to death by a troop of apes, who recognise Nazrat as one of their fold.   

       Touching scenes ensue where Nazrat is taught to grunt incoherently by the apes and begins to fall in love with one of the troop's female members, Enaj.   

       Some kind of crisis unfolds in which Nazrat comes to realise how much he misses the city of his childhood and longs to return.   

       The female ape is drawn to his mysterious and far- away thoughts and in a final act of hopeless sacrifice, agrees to return with him back to civilisation.   

       After a long and arduous journey, Nazrat is reinstated in his old lodgings, and moves in Enaj as his mate.   

       However, things are still not rosy, as Enaj is finding it hard to adjust in her new surroundings.   

       Some jiggery-pokery later, and everyone is back where they belong - Nazrat and Enaj united once in a while as each travels into the other's home- lands. The jungle goes wild, and all the taxis in New York beep their horns in appreciation.   

       The End.
zen_tom, Mar 03 2013

       I like bungston's League of Tarzans. There's a graphic novel in it, if nothing else!
DrBob, Mar 04 2013

       //each area should have a Tarzan drawn from the indigenous people, raised by animals native to the area// - I'd like to see Welsh Tarzan, raised by sheep.
hippo, Mar 04 2013

       Is everyone in Wales not already raised by sheep?
xenzag, Mar 04 2013

       Of course, you have to harness the sheep to the right system of pulleys to make this happen. Even then, it takes only one mischievous "come by!" and you find yourself lowered by sheep, quick smart. Then everyone points and stares, Tarzan too. Then it starts to rain, and it's a long walk back to Abertillery. Still, it gets you out of the house.
pertinax, Mar 04 2013

       ^Why [The Alterother] wishes we could bun annos.
Alterother, Mar 04 2013

       The fun with the League of Tarzans would be if one only realized as the sotry unfolded that it was such a league - that each of the individuals that show up one by one had essentially the same backstory. Then there could be fun in identifying the provenance of individual Tarzans as they show up or are depicted a spart of a group. Dense population / lack of wild animals in a given region would require some creativity to accomodate - for example, the origins of the Manx Tarzan might be left open ended.
bungston, Mar 04 2013

       The poult chickens...
Alterother, Mar 04 2013

       Manx Tarxan would be raised by queen scallops.   

       I'm pretty sure New York Tarzan would have to be raised by brown rats, although I suppose the coydogs in central park would be a possibility.
MechE, Mar 04 2013

       The League of Tarzans is a great idea! Particularly as they will be functionally identical, varying only by the creature that raised them, as if a proforma bank letter created by mailmerge.
calum, Mar 05 2013

       Extending it further, we might also benefit from:
The League of Shreks
The League of Spidermen
The League of Hunchbacks of Notre Dame

       Eventually, having established a whole bunch of such leagues, they could all attend an underwater convention, which, if attendance is high enough, might eventually be described as 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.
zen_tom, Mar 05 2013

       If you weren't any of these categories (tarzan, shrek, spiderman, hunchback of notre dame) you would be unable to join a league, and would thus be elegible to join the paradoxical League of People Inelegible to Join a League.
hippo, Mar 05 2013

       That zen_tom, eh? Death's too good for him!
DrBob, Mar 05 2013

       //That zen_tom, eh? Death's too good for him!//   

       Hmmmm, might be worth a try.
AusCan531, Mar 06 2013

       Death? For a simple jeu de mots? A mere backstory built to prime a synonym? Actual death?!
zen_tom, Mar 06 2013

       Harmless word play is an infallible symptom of a deeply sinister character. Your extirpation is for the good of the species and the protection of children & small animals. It's nothing personal. Please 'like' my Facebook page.
DrBob, Mar 06 2013

       //Harmless word play is an infallible symptom of a deeply sinister character. //
It is for insights like this that I will be ensuring that DrBob is placed in charge of the Peoples' Justice Tribunal, following my coming to power.
calum, Mar 06 2013

       [calum] Are you going to be in power over multiple peoples or did you mean "people's"?
hippo, Mar 06 2013

       Multiple peoples, obviously. My domination of the earth will be total.
calum, Mar 06 2013

       In preparation for the great day of your ascendancy, your honour, I've taken the liberty of preparing a draft list of charges against hippo as well. So far I've only got sedition, moral deviancy, badger bothering and some more sedition but I'm sure we can add to the list later.
DrBob, Mar 07 2013

       Very good, DrBob, very good. I shall need soon to consult with you to ensure that my "Do not resuscitate" and "Accidental bathtub drowning" lists are are sufficiently comprhensive to rid us of sedition, badger bothering etc.
calum, Mar 07 2013

       Put me down for an autoerotic asphyxiation. Or 'with'.
rcarty, Mar 08 2013

       - , re: Hippo's comment.
Zimmy, Mar 08 2013

       Is this a "marked for tagline moment"?   

       "Put me down for an autoerotic asphyxiation"
normzone, Mar 08 2013

       //- , re: Hippo's comment. -- Zimmy, Mar 08 2013// Does this mean "I am taking a negative stance on [hippo]'s comment", or "I agree with the critical thrust of [hippo]'s comment which inclines me to contribute a negative vote"?

And don't just answer "Yes".
hippo, Mar 08 2013


       Wait, were you talking to me? Because if not I had some musings on an albino Swiss hunch back tarzan raised by Olm tatzelwurms.
bungston, Mar 10 2013

       What would you call the particular type of flavoured cake icing that such a superhero might make? It's tarzipan of course.
xenzag, Mar 10 2013

       It's a good thing I can touch type because that made me go blind.
bungston, Mar 11 2013


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