Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Blatantly Idiotic Predictions For 2014

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And There Was Much Rejoicing ...
8th of 7, Dec 19 2013


       In December, [ytk] will receive an item of mail.   

       On opening, it will be found to contain a perfectly ordinary non-toxic non-explosive Christmas card from the Borg Collective, containing the message "Best Wishes For Christmas And The New Year".   

       Paramedics will manage to restart [ytk]'s heart at the third attempt, although extensive post-trauma counseling will be required.
8th of 7, Dec 19 2013

       The standard 19 minutes of programming content in a half hour television slot will be shortened to 12 minutes to make way for two more advertising breaks. Meanwhile the opening sequences and end credits will be done away with altogether so that a four-hour block of reruns will flow into an uninterrupted single sitting for gullible viewers.
Alterother, Dec 19 2013

       This is a stupid idea, the other one was much better.
pocmloc, Dec 19 2013

       On March 27, 2014 , numerous videos of a mysterious "flying car" will appear on social media around the world. Soon thereafter (I'm thinking April 17th) a press conference will be held near Astoria, Oregon to officially announce the arrival of a product that has been promised to us since the 1950s - the flying car.   

       Stepping forward will be a group of ex-military scientists and engineers formerly based in Area 51. Developed in collaboration with a hydrologic research team based in Prince Rupert, and financed by reclusive West Coast investors, the Seawing will be powered by a revolutionary fusion engine fueled by seawater.   

       Because these groups are based in the Pacific Northwest, the Republic of Cascadia will emerge from the ensuing economic and political chaos caused by the collapse of the petroleum and automotive industries. By the end of the year, the thriving nation of Cascadia will have assisted in the creation of and economic recovery in other new North American bioregions such as Laurentia, Sonoma, and the CSA (Confederate States of America).   

       New Yorkers will, of course, have already created their very own country, called Geddouddahere!
Canuck, Dec 20 2013

       //a revolutionary fusion engine fueled by seawater//   

       From Prince Rupert??? Powered by rainwater surely!
AusCan531, Dec 20 2013

       Hot damn, now's our chance to secede. Who wants to buy the rights to a shitpile of renewable resources and then pay us to harvest, process, and deliver them?
Alterother, Dec 20 2013

       The early television success of Bozo The Clown was finally replicated with the emergence of The Higgs Bozo, a post-modern comedic genius who got everyone to laugh at the gravity of their situation.
theircompetitor, Dec 20 2013

       During archaeological excavations in Saudi Arabia a codicil to the Koran, handwritten and signed by the prophet Mohammed will be found. On translation it will be found to read "Ooops, er, sorry, just had another chat with Allah, bit of a mix up on my part, the Jews are right after all".   

       There will be a long silence.
8th of 7, Dec 21 2013

       After the long silence, the archaeologist will quietly rebury the codicil. He will then grab a handy piece of papyrus and covertly write "Actually, you know, bacon's alright after all" on it, then wait for the ink to dry before 'discovering' it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 21 2013

       A famous singer once thought dead will stage a massive come-back.
Voice, Dec 21 2013

       I saw Elvis just the other day.
UnaBubba, Jan 01 2014

       Funny - he didn't mention having seen you.
MaxwellBuchanan, Jan 01 2014


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