Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Blatantly Idiotic Predictions for 2020

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Ian Tindale will rejoin the HalfBakery.

Brexit will happen. It will be at once the most disastrous success and the most successful disaster in recorded history. Everyone will argue about what it means. No useful conclusion will be reached.

The U.S. will be emblazoned with huge banners reading "TRUMP - XENZAG 2020", held aloft by coal-fired hot air balloons.

After being asked to provide emergency foster care to a poorly genetically-modified kitten, the existential contradiction causes [xenzag]'s head to explode.

8th of 7, Dec 06 2019

Blue supergiant star https://en.wikipedi...lue_supergiant_star
A blue supergiant (BSG) is a hot, luminous star. [Voice, Sep 07 2020]

He's positive! https://files.catbox.moe/mwjrx1.jpg
[Voice, Oct 05 2020]

Life on Mars https://nypost.com/...israeli-space-head/
[Voice, Dec 08 2020]


       8th of 7 will finally wake up - as an extra tiny head, siamese twinned unto the end of a dominant kitten's tail, his entire previous life up this point having been just a dream. He will of course become an object of play for the other cats in the litter to bat around, gnaw on, and groom relentlessly with rasping tongues.
xenzag, Dec 06 2019

       As soon as the bells have ushered in 2020, the echo will start to reverberate, 202020 in a feedback loop 20202020 2020 20 20 20 20 20
pocmloc, Dec 06 2019

       The TV show 20/20 will stay on for 20 minutes on February 20, at 8:20 p.m. GMT. Nobody will watch it.   

       As nothing could be more blatantly idiotic than the past 3 years, we will predict that something rather normal happens at some point. February will have 29 days. People too young to understand leap years will blink in disbelief.
RayfordSteele, Dec 08 2019

       Elon Musk's satellite network will become self aware, make one fart joke, then turn itself off. A new species of orange will be developed, and will turn out to be excellent parrot food. Without fanfare, the Chinese government will grant Hong Kong independence.
Voice, Dec 08 2019

       Opticians around the world will launch a massive advertising campaign.   

       "Zozo" will become the world's most popular name for newborns, except in Rome, where "Mmxx" will fail to catch on.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 08 2019

       Your species will realize that the last barriers between fiction and reality have dissolved. As a result it will no longer be possible to discriminate between real news, fake news, and fiction.   

       Daenerys Targaryen will be elected President of the USA on a platform of "A Sword In Every Hand And A Dragon In Every Castle". Voters will queue up eagerly awaiting their free dragon eggs.   

       The new British cabinet will include the official post of Minister of Magic. The first appontee will be Robbie Coltrane, in character as Hagrid. However, he will be so effective compared to all the other witless dolts that he will soon be promoted to Chancellor of the Exchequer, his post being filled by Ginny Weasley.   

       David Attenborough will make a stunning new wildlife documentary series, travelling from place to place on the Millennium Falcon with Chewbacca as his co-host.   

       Angela Merkel will win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in the thriller The Brexit Files.
8th of 7, Dec 08 2019

       Sarcasm and saying things ironically in general will be banned, possibly with a strict exception for contexts that make such sarcasm or irony overtly obvious, because of how Poe's Law makes such behavior in open-to-interpretation contexts very dangerous. People will finally realize it's what got Donald Trump elected, and be glad it's illegal.   

       [notexactly] will get an earlier start on buying/making Christmas presents than in previous years.   

       // Without fanfare, the Chinese government will grant Hong Kong independence. //   

       Hmmm… actually, I wouldn't be too surprised.   

       Other countries, led by the United States, will openly recognize Taiwan as a separate country from mainland China. This will force mainland China to acknowledge Taiwan as a separate country, but they'll try to do so in a way that distracts from how that implies that they (the PRC government) are illegitimate, in that context.   

       The CCP will mandate that all Chinese residents must get audio bugs implanted in their bodies, which must be recharged by the host daily. They will further mandate that Chinese residents must read aloud everything they read or write, so that the bugs can hear it. Attempts at secret communication by passing notes will be detected by the sounds of writing, without a corresponding reading-aloud.   

       The CCP will attempt to downplay the surge in popularity of learning sign language as a push to integrate deaf citizens more tightly with the rest of society.
notexactly, Dec 08 2019

       Elizabeth Warren will win the Democratic Nomination, and run on a slogan of 2020 in 2020, alluding to 2020 vision, but inadvertently signalling a 30% drop in the S&P 500.   

       Despite spending well over 100 million dollars, Mike Bloomberg will soundly lose without winning a single state, prompting more outraged cries that we have to get money out of politics... wait, what?   

       Trump will win the 2020 election by garnering a larger percentage of the African American vote than any Republican candidate since the parties flipped affinities in the 50 and 60s.
theircompetitor, Dec 09 2019

       // [notexactly] will get an earlier start on buying/making Christmas presents than in previous years //   

       [notexactly] will win the "2019 Egregious Liar of the Year Award".   

       Political parties across the globe will clamour for him to run on their ticket.
8th of 7, Dec 09 2019

       Spacex will successfully launch crew to the ISS on crew dragon, make outrageous claims for Starship development progress, and spin-off a “The really Exciting Company” that promises spontaneously exploding water-towers to cities across the US
Frankx, Dec 10 2019

       [MaxwellBuchanan] will find out who Elisabeth Warren is.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 10 2019

       Elisabeth Warren will find out who [MaxwellBuchanan] is, but will be puzzled as to what he is doing in her bathroom, why he is unclothed, and what the okapi is for.   

       When those questions are answered, clinicians will be forced to place her in a medically-induced coma until some sort of treatment plan can be devised.
8th of 7, Dec 10 2019

       // [MaxwellBuchanan] will find out who Elisabeth Warren is//   

       Hoping that one doesn't come true
theircompetitor, Dec 10 2019

       The ban on exporting haggis to the US will be lifted resulting in new fast food restaurants selling haggis burgers and dogs. The restaurants will use dirigible shaped buildings similar to the shape of haggis, so Americans can get the idea that this is something totally different than other fast food places. Of course they won’t know what “neeps and tatties” are so the napkins will have a culinary dictionary printed on them. The name of this franchise has yet to be determined.
xandram, Dec 11 2019

       Call it "Food to get kilt for"
Voice, Dec 12 2019

       nice idea [voice]
xandram, Dec 12 2019

       We could tell you were sporran no effort to come up with that one, [Voice].
8th of 7, Dec 12 2019

       After the Mars Rover 2020 conclusively proves the existence of life on the Red Planet, Mars Attacks will become the top rented movie of all time, and Trump will tweet that he was a genius for starting the Space Force
theircompetitor, Dec 31 2019

       Yes, but to be fair, he was a genius before...
8th of 7, Dec 31 2019

theircompetitor, Dec 31 2019

       //double checks list// -- Nope, Meghan and Harry making a living doing Pizza Hut commercials not on it -- aww, we suck
theircompetitor, Jan 09 2020

       well, fuck me, it's only August
theircompetitor, Aug 16 2020

       Thankyou for the offer, but you're the wrong gender, the wrong species, the wrong age, and not nearly hairy enough ...   

       Try [xenzag] - she has notoriously low standards (if any).
8th of 7, Aug 16 2020

       This would no doubt be the furthest off the mark predictions post in the history of this site. Although we have a few months left to see if the //Elon Musk's satellite network will become self aware, make one fart joke, then turn itself off.// thing happens.
doctorremulac3, Aug 16 2020

       // the furthest off the mark predictions post in the history of this site //   

       Ahem ...   

       " ... the last barriers between fiction and reality have dissolved. As a result it will no longer be possible to discriminate between real news, fake news, and fiction. " - 8th of 7, Dec 08 2019   

       Pretty accurate, huh ?
8th of 7, Aug 16 2020

       // the wrong species, the wrong age, and not nearly hairy enough ... //   

       If it walks like a hairy duck, 8th will fuck it.
4and20, Aug 16 2020


       I couldn't have been further off if I had tried really hard to. God, I doomed us.
RayfordSteele, Aug 17 2020

       //something rather normal happens//   

       Surely *something* normal has happened?   

       I mean, is it not perfectly normal for the Leader of the Free World to sabotage his own country's postal service, in the hope of preventing it from delivering the ballots which will remove him from office?   

       Is it not normal for Minsk to be the world's centre of pro- democracy activism?   

       For Israel to establish an embassy on the Persian Gulf?   

       For oil prices to stagnate at the same time as stock prices boom?   

       Is it not normal for Western Australians to start talking about secession for fear of a virus, and for Hong Kongers to stop talking about it for fear of being recycled as organs?   

       No? OK, maybe not.
pertinax, Aug 17 2020

       20.......... 20......... 20.......
pocmloc, Aug 17 2020

       The halfbakery still exists. That's... normal... ish. Or if 'normal' isn't the proper word for it then at least 'in line with prior continuous behavior.'
RayfordSteele, Aug 17 2020

       By "sabotage" do you mean "not raise the budget for"?
Voice, Aug 17 2020

       No, he means 'remove sorting machines, lock mailboxes, and require oppressive financial burdens not required by the rest of the government services.'   

       Business mail cratered over COVID, taking postal revenues down with it.   

       But wait until you hear about how much money the defense department loses every year.   

       By law, USPS can only invest in US Treasury bills, which don't provide much return. Changing that would help.
RayfordSteele, Aug 17 2020

po, Aug 18 2020

       it's interesting - so Amazon and Wallmart make the most ever money, and Amazon makes all of it's money using delivery, and so VOLUME must be WAY UP at the post office, but they still lose money.   

       Perhaps it is being used as some sort of tactic, but like stop whining already and go stand inline and vote.
theircompetitor, Aug 18 2020

       // how much money the defense department loses every year //   

       "... it's like saying to the Army 'You will become self-sufficient' ... and short of the odd rape and pillage, there's no way the Army are going to bring that money back ..."   

       But just think how much money the defense contractors gain every year ... you're not opposed to gainful employment, shirley ?
8th of 7, Aug 18 2020

       Yes, being a defense contractor, I'm well aware of the defense contracting game. It's a complete mess. Being an engineer, I'm also confident enough to find employment when I need to.   

       Amazon largely delivers themselves nowadays. Have you not noticed the large blue vans?   

       Much of the post office volume was business-to-business mail, not Amazon orders.
RayfordSteele, Aug 18 2020

       // not nearly hairy enough ... //   

       So, are we talking Wookie or simply a princely member of the Crown?
whatrock, Aug 18 2020

       //Perhaps it is being used as some sort of tactic//   

       I would have been sceptical myself, [tc], were it not that Trump himself had boasted about the impact on the election. He's not exactly covering his tracks.
pertinax, Aug 18 2020

       // covering his tracks //   

       You mean like Schürzen, coated with Zimmerit ? They add weight, and make maintenance more difficult, but they definitely do improve survivability...
8th of 7, Aug 18 2020

       [pertinax] not debating the banal evil of it all. Just saying in the end voting is voting -- the rain in a given district on election day affects it too. Just go out, vote, and let's be done with it
theircompetitor, Aug 19 2020

       //Amazon largely delivers themselves nowadays. Have you not noticed the large blue vans?//   

       Which is a really good thing.   

       I'd support saying "Hey, Amazon, you seem pretty proficient at getting stuff delivered. We pay X amount every year to get Y amount of mail delivered via the post office. Put in your bid. Cut that by 30% and you're the new USPS.   

       (just suggested the biggest monopoly on Earth become even bigger.)   

       ... uh, hold on a sec, let me re-think that.   

       OK, maybe not Amazon, but somebody else? Maybe on a per state basis? Obviously they'd have to work out interstate transfers between entities, but that's already done now. The 94562 post office ships to the 26594 post office. They have to take care of all the postal workers and their pensions but if they fulfill the contract they get all the buildings, trucks etc.   

       So as not to freak people out, keep the logo, just have it become a series of private entities. If they screw up, they lose the contract. And have it be reviewed every 5 years. Let them know the state will take it back at any time if a long set of criterion isn't scrupulously met. Take care of the workers, buildings, trucks etc. Here's a high bar to throw in, must turn a profit of which... 20% gets put back into the public coffers.   

       I trust the competition to get this lucrative gig would get us the robot delivery service we need eventually a lot sooner.   



       OK, any other thoughts?
doctorremulac3, Aug 19 2020

       Boycott Amazon, like me. I've never used, and never will put even more money in Bezos's greedy pockets. With his personal wealth he could solve numerous problems in the world, but instead of that, he just hordes up his multiple billions like an ultra Scrooge obscenity .
xenzag, Aug 19 2020

       The Post Office is in the Constitution. Some obscure argument can be made about delivering everywhere, where commercial interests may not be interested in delivery.   

       Except that it's Musk that's going to get Internet everywhere, not some govt. commission on rural internet, and it's Bezos that's getting you same day delivery, and if (in theory) we're worried about the planet, then surely most "mail" should ONLY be electronic.   

       So it's a freaking annoying talking point with no meaningful connection to reality. Just endless fucken whining over the fact that they got outplayed in 2016 -- and setting up 50% -- or more -- of the population to be SO PISSED that they care about every single fucken thing more than they care about the normal life of the people who have a normal life now -- which will -- possibly, despite all odds -- lose them this election
theircompetitor, Aug 19 2020

       I like my idea of top of power poles robot delivery highways. They're already there, put a series of 12" tubes on top of them, have robot delivery droids bring everybody their stuff. They can move at 100 miles per hour or more, be relatively cheap and would save power.   

       As far as the post office, not suggesting replacing it, just farming out the actual work and finances while keeping it under the auspices of the gov. Hey, try a test run with a post office location or two. If it works, expand it. If not, what's the harm in looking into new ways of doing things no?   

       Just a thought.
doctorremulac3, Aug 19 2020

       // With his personal wealth he could solve numerous problems in the world //   

       Would that include stuffing you in a burlap sacks with some bricks, and dropping you into a canal ? That's the problem we'd like to see solved. The incessant whining and miaowing is tedious in the extreme.   

       The problem for nation-state governments is that they're inextricably attached to the physical geography. When the fastest form of travel was a galloping horse, and the fastest communication was a heliograph (weather permitting) then that made a sort of sense.   

       Those constraints no longer apply, and the geographically-bounded nation state is thus doomed.   

       We for one welcome the coming of Omni-Products Corp and The Umbrella Corporation as our new commercially-motivated overlords (or in our case, customers).
8th of 7, Aug 19 2020

       Uncoupling the USPS from under the auspices of Congressional bureaucracy makes a great deal of sense. Let them run themselves as a semi-independent agency like the Fed or the utilities markets. In fact a utilities market model could be a good starting point. No?   

       I doubt power poles would put up with the high variance in weight distribution as a load shifted from one side to the other.
RayfordSteele, Aug 19 2020

       2020 is the year I wished I got hit by a truck, and the coma would end 2021 when all this corona virus goes away, or whatever.
not_morrison_rm, Sep 06 2020

       // I wished I got hit by a truck //   

       Everyone else has been hoping you'll get hit by a truck for years ...
8th of 7, Sep 06 2020

       8th. You better edit and take back. That's rather sharp even for you.
blissmiss, Sep 07 2020

       Shan't. So there.
8th of 7, Sep 07 2020

       What [Bliss] said.
Voice, Sep 07 2020

       kdf ceases to operate for lack of interest.
xenzag, Sep 07 2020

       The tone of [kdf]'s postings becomes increasingly bitter, cynical, snarling and misanthropic, to the point where other bakers suspect his account has been hacked, but then it transpires that he has merely done the only sensible thing and been Assimilated into the Collective and given the designation Ninth of Seven.   

       When, shortly afterwards, The Don gets re-elected to the U.S. Presidency, scientists announce that hydrogen fusion has been unequivocally identified on your planet, as [xenzag]'s blood pressure exceeds the values found in Blue Supergiant stars.
8th of 7, Sep 07 2020

       Yes, looks that way... wasn't us, at least not deliberately. If it was, we'd have added an abusive comment of our own...
8th of 7, Sep 08 2020

       //The original orchiectomy didn't go smoothly either//   

       I can see that: the 'd' fell out.
pertinax, Sep 09 2020

       Damn those wandering d's
not_morrison_rm, Sep 09 2020

       President op(t)ions brain chip operation with cover story of positive test observations.
wjt, Oct 02 2020

       ... and now I've found a 't' on the floor. I'll put it with the 'd'.   

       Doesn't anyone sweep up around here?
pertinax, Oct 03 2020

       No, not since [xenzag] took the Roomba to build the prototype fencepost-planting machine.   

       Attempts to modify a Dalek to replace the Roomba have not been entirely successful. The floor is a bit cleaner, but all it does now is cough, complain about the dust, and chant "EXPECTORATE ! EXPECTORATE !" ...
8th of 7, Oct 03 2020


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