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Blatantly Idiotic Predictions for 2020

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Ian Tindale will rejoin the HalfBakery.

Brexit will happen. It will be at once the most disastrous success and the most successful disaster in recorded history. Everyone will argue about what it means. No useful conclusion will be reached.

The U.S. will be emblazoned with huge banners reading "TRUMP - XENZAG 2020", held aloft by coal-fired hot air balloons.

After being asked to provide emergency foster care to a poorly genetically-modified kitten, the existential contradiction causes [xenzag]'s head to explode.

8th of 7, Dec 06 2019

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       8th of 7 will finally wake up - as an extra tiny head, siamese twinned unto the end of a dominant kitten's tail, his entire previous life up this point having been just a dream. He will of course become an object of play for the other cats in the litter to bat around, gnaw on, and groom relentlessly with rasping tongues.
xenzag, Dec 06 2019
  

       As soon as the bells have ushered in 2020, the echo will start to reverberate, 202020 in a feedback loop 20202020 2020 20 20 20 20 20
pocmloc, Dec 06 2019
  

       The TV show 20/20 will stay on for 20 minutes on February 20, at 8:20 p.m. GMT. Nobody will watch it.   

       As nothing could be more blatantly idiotic than the past 3 years, we will predict that something rather normal happens at some point. February will have 29 days. People too young to understand leap years will blink in disbelief.
RayfordSteele, Dec 08 2019
  

       Elon Musk's satellite network will become self aware, make one fart joke, then turn itself off. A new species of orange will be developed, and will turn out to be excellent parrot food. Without fanfare, the Chinese government will grant Hong Kong independence.
Voice, Dec 08 2019
  

       Opticians around the world will launch a massive advertising campaign.   

       "Zozo" will become the world's most popular name for newborns, except in Rome, where "Mmxx" will fail to catch on.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 08 2019
  

       Your species will realize that the last barriers between fiction and reality have dissolved. As a result it will no longer be possible to discriminate between real news, fake news, and fiction.   

       Daenerys Targaryen will be elected President of the USA on a platform of "A Sword In Every Hand And A Dragon In Every Castle". Voters will queue up eagerly awaiting their free dragon eggs.   

       The new British cabinet will include the official post of Minister of Magic. The first appontee will be Robbie Coltrane, in character as Hagrid. However, he will be so effective compared to all the other witless dolts that he will soon be promoted to Chancellor of the Exchequer, his post being filled by Ginny Weasley.   

       David Attenborough will make a stunning new wildlife documentary series, travelling from place to place on the Millennium Falcon with Chewbacca as his co-host.   

       Angela Merkel will win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in the thriller The Brexit Files.
8th of 7, Dec 08 2019
  

       Sarcasm and saying things ironically in general will be banned, possibly with a strict exception for contexts that make such sarcasm or irony overtly obvious, because of how Poe's Law makes such behavior in open-to-interpretation contexts very dangerous. People will finally realize it's what got Donald Trump elected, and be glad it's illegal.   

       [notexactly] will get an earlier start on buying/making Christmas presents than in previous years.   

       // Without fanfare, the Chinese government will grant Hong Kong independence. //   

       Hmmm… actually, I wouldn't be too surprised.   

       Other countries, led by the United States, will openly recognize Taiwan as a separate country from mainland China. This will force mainland China to acknowledge Taiwan as a separate country, but they'll try to do so in a way that distracts from how that implies that they (the PRC government) are illegitimate, in that context.   

       The CCP will mandate that all Chinese residents must get audio bugs implanted in their bodies, which must be recharged by the host daily. They will further mandate that Chinese residents must read aloud everything they read or write, so that the bugs can hear it. Attempts at secret communication by passing notes will be detected by the sounds of writing, without a corresponding reading-aloud.   

       The CCP will attempt to downplay the surge in popularity of learning sign language as a push to integrate deaf citizens more tightly with the rest of society.
notexactly, Dec 08 2019
  

       Elizabeth Warren will win the Democratic Nomination, and run on a slogan of 2020 in 2020, alluding to 2020 vision, but inadvertently signalling a 30% drop in the S&P 500.   

       Despite spending well over 100 million dollars, Mike Bloomberg will soundly lose without winning a single state, prompting more outraged cries that we have to get money out of politics... wait, what?   

       Trump will win the 2020 election by garnering a larger percentage of the African American vote than any Republican candidate since the parties flipped affinities in the 50 and 60s.
theircompetitor, Dec 09 2019
  

       // [notexactly] will get an earlier start on buying/making Christmas presents than in previous years //   

       [notexactly] will win the "2019 Egregious Liar of the Year Award".   

       Political parties across the globe will clamour for him to run on their ticket.
8th of 7, Dec 09 2019
  

       Spacex will successfully launch crew to the ISS on crew dragon, make outrageous claims for Starship development progress, and spin-off a “The really Exciting Company” that promises spontaneously exploding water-towers to cities across the US
Frankx, Dec 10 2019
  

       [MaxwellBuchanan] will find out who Elisabeth Warren is.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 10 2019
  

       Elisabeth Warren will find out who [MaxwellBuchanan] is, but will be puzzled as to what he is doing in her bathroom, why he is unclothed, and what the okapi is for.   

       When those questions are answered, clinicians will be forced to place her in a medically-induced coma until some sort of treatment plan can be devised.
8th of 7, Dec 10 2019
  

       // [MaxwellBuchanan] will find out who Elisabeth Warren is//   

       Hoping that one doesn't come true
theircompetitor, Dec 10 2019
  

       The ban on exporting haggis to the US will be lifted resulting in new fast food restaurants selling haggis burgers and dogs. The restaurants will use dirigible shaped buildings similar to the shape of haggis, so Americans can get the idea that this is something totally different than other fast food places. Of course they won’t know what “neeps and tatties” are so the napkins will have a culinary dictionary printed on them. The name of this franchise has yet to be determined.
xandram, Dec 11 2019
  

       Call it "Food to get kilt for"
Voice, Dec 12 2019
  

       nice idea [voice]
xandram, Dec 12 2019
  

       We could tell you were sporran no effort to come up with that one, [Voice].
8th of 7, Dec 12 2019
  

       After the Mars Rover 2020 conclusively proves the existence of life on the Red Planet, Mars Attacks will become the top rented movie of all time, and Trump will tweet that he was a genius for starting the Space Force
theircompetitor, Dec 31 2019
  

       Yes, but to be fair, he was a genius before...
8th of 7, Dec 31 2019
  

       indeed
theircompetitor, Dec 31 2019
  

       //double checks list// -- Nope, Meghan and Harry making a living doing Pizza Hut commercials not on it -- aww, we suck
theircompetitor, Jan 09 2020
  
      
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