h a l f b a k e r y
Get half a life.
add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random
news, help, about, links, report a problem
or get an account
Young folk these days go in for wild things like tattoos,
body-piercings, and strange
hairstyles. Presumably they wish to appear down with the
homies and generally like
hip innit? These fashion statements alter the appearance
but do not (with the possible
exception of very extensive tattoos)
alter the basic body
MaxxKo! (a subsidiary of MaxCo., branded to appeal to the
younger generation) has
decided to break into the market with its range of injectable
whole-body dyes. You
may already be familiar with so-called contrast agents which
are injected into the
bloodstream to show up on X-rays or MRI scans; these
contrast agents are harmless but
also generally colourless. MaxxKo!'s Bloodye is the
Each MaxxKo! Bloodye comes pre-loaded into a 20ml
syringe* with a single-use
needle. Simply find a vein, insert the needle and inject the
entire contents. Please do
this slowly, to avoid having a bolus of oxygen-free dye hit
the brain all at once.
In less time than it takes to say "Ooh I feel dizzy; I wish I'd
read the instructions more
carefully", your entire body will take on a fetching green,
orange or blue tinge (red is
difficult, for obvious reasons). Major blood vessels will
appear as a coloured tracery
wherever they lie close to the skin. The effect will fade
over the next 2-5 hours, as
the potentially harmless pigment wends its way to your
kidneys. As a bonus and
novelty you will be able to pee the chosen colour for some
We are especially excited by our newest addition to the
range - fluorescent pigments.
Although the skin is generally not very permeable to the UV
lights you might encounter
in a discothéque (you crazy hipster dudes, you), the tracery
of electric-green glowing
capillaries on the surface of the eyeballs and, ah, mucous
membranes is particularly
*Epi-pen sold seperately.
Dying your hair on your period could kill you!
or just change the color of your blood. Permanently. (Mentioned in my anno) [notexactly, Dec 03 2018]
||O-kay ... so, was Sturton's remarkable appearance - including the glowing red eyes - at you family's Samhain bonfire festival just his "normal" colouration (as he claimed), or have you been perpetrating unethical medical experiments on your family again (as usual) ?
||We don't object to the unethical experiments, you understand - in fact they're rather amusing - but we prefer to know such things in case bets are being placed and cash money might change hands.
||He always goes that colour after the third bottle. By the
way, he says he can get you a plus-one to the 2019
Lughnasadh if you promise to bring some of that ointment.
||Tell him it's a deal ... but what could he possibly want it for ? It's only intended to treat Carapace Rash in Hortas that have been eating too much sulphide ore - it's only licensed for silicon-based life forms.
||Three bottles of the Albanian sherry substitute ? No wonder he's taken to pushing his artificial liver around with him on a trolley. Given the way that stuff corrodes 316 stainless steel, he must be going through a couple of them a week.
||I believe he enjoys it on toast.
||(What he does with the ointment, though, I have no idea.)
||I had this idea on my list but with a note saying I'd need to
come up with some chemistry before posting it. You seem to
have found a way to post it without doing that, which saves
me some thinking and writing. Now I can check it off my
||Also, I'll share what inspired this idea for me: [link]