Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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portable lightweight (airplane-aluminum) easily-concealable corpse flinger/tosser
  [vote for,

Ok so you've been through that same old he says "Hey. I ain't no rat." And you say "Paisano, it ain't personal. It's Business!" and he says, Can you take care of my niece Puzzolente Formagia? With a half way decent boob job and some new .... but you go ahead and stick a stiletto in his eye and shoot him in the head.

NOW WHAT?? Whaddaya gonnado wid that 280 pounds of flabby Manacott and stale pizza breath?

Simple. Load your Bodycatapulto onto any good sized lorry. (truck) Drive down any deserted hiway, and when you see an appropriately desolate spot, Pull the lever and ZINga PINga MINga!!! The fat bastard goes flying a good three miles out in the swamp. Or forest. Or Ocean. Whatever, Think King Arthur meets The Godfather.

r_kreher, Apr 18 2016


       For a three mile range with an unaerodynamic 125kg dead Italian, he's going to have to go about two miles (3000m, 10,000') AMSL.   

       Even neglecting air resistance, vertical launch velocity needs to be at least 250m/s, at 45 degrees that's nearer 350 m/s.   

       So the device - which presumably relies entirely on stored mechanical energy - is going to accelerate a 125kg mass to 350m/s (350m/s is about 850 mph, more than Mach 1) and be transportable on a truck.   

       Good luck with that.   

       Let's see... desecrating a corpse, preventing a proper burial, littering, violating controlled airspace, posession of a dangerous projectile weapon, oh, and murdering fat Italians ... what's not to like ? [+]
8th of 7, Apr 18 2016

       In fewer words, try a rocket assist.
Vernon, Apr 18 2016

       (+) for the quote on your homepage... the idea, not so much.   

       A prep stage prechamber is needed. During the drive, the body is exsanguinated and chopped into manageable pieces to lighten the per-shot weight. Then the pieces can be launched individually.
whatrock, Apr 19 2016

       Liquid nitrogen. Freeze it, trim it, launch it from a cannon feet first.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2016

       This is obviously what drones were invented for. Attach body, set it to fly out to sea until the batteries run out.   

       In the near future, you could murder someone, sit them in their self-driving car and make it drive them to mexico, or off a pier (which may equate to the same thing if you're starting in britain).
mitxela, Apr 19 2016

       [mixtela] I think the tricky part will be to get the self driving car to drive off the road.   

       Not that I think there won't be at least a few instances of a self driving car leaving the road, but those events will be somewhat random and hard to reproduce on demand.
scad mientist, Apr 19 2016

       Load a Microshit OS. Running away into the tall grass comes as standard.
8th of 7, Apr 19 2016

       Dear Whatrock..   

       "A prep stage prechamber is needed. During the drive, the body is exsanguinated and chopped into manageable pieces..."   

       EXCELLENT use the past tense of exsanguination... Certainly one of the leaner nations.
r_kreher, Apr 19 2016

       Or install an Apple iPhone GPS.
RayfordSteele, Apr 19 2016

       1. Body goes in the trunk. Car starts driving.   

       2. In-trunk masticator slices/dices the corpse into, say, .5-inch cubes.   

       3. Blood and other fluids are diluted and sprayed out in a fine mist from a nozzle at the side of the car, or mixed in with vehicle exhaust.   

       4. The cubes are individually ejected at, say, quarter- mile intervals.
smendler, Apr 20 2016

       5. Wife drives car, discovers odd smell coming from trunk.
6. CSI team investigates leftover hairs and other odd dna bits in trunk.
7. The pen gets one more inmate.
RayfordSteele, Apr 20 2016

       Rayford Steele... The odd smell coming from the trunk may well be Puzzolente Formagia, (smelly cheese) The victim's niece.
r_kreher, Apr 20 2016

       So you're out fishing late at night, and suddenly a nasty, funky smelling, dead body lands in your boat? Hmmm, Ok, that would make for a good story to tell the kids. +
blissmiss, Apr 20 2016

       "I'm telling you guys, it was THIS BIG <spreads arms wide> and it jumped right into the boat... didn't even have to net it ! It was AWESOME ! But I was already up to my bag limit, so I had to throw it back ... got a pic here on my phone mind you, shame it's a bit blurred... yeah, sure I'll have another beer... "
8th of 7, Apr 20 2016

       Bait. Or chum.
whatrock, Apr 20 2016

       so what's wrong with the traditional methods?   

       step 1. convince vic.. ah.. "client", to sit in barbers chair - step 2 slice throat under guise of shaving said "clients" stubbly bits - step 3 present corp.. sorry, "client" to Mrs Lovett, with compliments.   

       "mince pie anyone"? (CMOT Dibbler Ankh-Morpork victuallers association)
Skewed, Apr 22 2016


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