Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Campaign For Monkey Pants

Proudly affiliated with the World Wide Turkey-Scarf Fund
  (+8, -5)
(+8, -5)
  [vote for,

A new charity campaign to provide all monkeys with pants - of any kind - so that upon visiting the zoo we may no longer be caught staring into the fluorescent red abyss of their worryingly bare, bulbous anuses.

Nappies, chinos, tutus, perhaps even monkey-togas; all will be distributed to the monkeys on a first-come, first-served basis. The monkeys get to choose their pant-wear – that's the trade-up. I think it only fair we grant our cousins this simple respect.

The World Wide Turkey-Scarf Fund, gallantly ridding our earthly vision from so-called "neckticles" for 25 years, has generously donated 17 spare scarves to the campaign, which we have gratefully received and endeavor to fashion them into trendy monkey-sarongs for the smaller primates.

Donations would be welcome. Thank you.


(Idea courtesy of Suzy, a silver-backed gorilla from Exeter.)

theleopard, Apr 15 2009

PG Tips http://www.bbc.co.u...dem_400_400x300.jpg
Chimps were dressed in some old PG Tips adverisements (for tea). [Jinbish, Apr 15 2009]

...and dresses for girl monkeys http://media.photob...s/jakub4/monkey.jpg
[xandram, Apr 15 2009]

Neckticles http://www.wildlife...urkey_Joe-Blake.jpg
[theleopard, Apr 15 2009]

monkey store for clothes http://www.pampered...ndk9s.com/store.php
[xandram, Apr 15 2009]

So! in PANTS Sewn-In_20Layered_20_27Yoof_27_20Pants
some kind of fashion magazine zeit-gas, zeit-gersch, zeit-, fuck it! Meme. [4whom, Apr 20 2009]


       //Chimps were dressed in some old PG Tips advertisements //   

       And quite right too Jinbish, would you want to drink anus-tea? I should think not.   

       However, I would like to stress the campaign's secondary goal: to produce a line of clothing that does not by any means personify the monkey. That is: a fashion very much unlike anything you or I might wear, but one that monkeys may call their own.
theleopard, Apr 15 2009

       [see link for monkey clothes store]
though not for donations, just for buying
xandram, Apr 15 2009

       Anus tea? That's a new one on me. I've had shit coffee, but never anus tea.
Jinbish, Apr 15 2009

       //(Idea courtesy of Suzy, a silver-backed gorilla from Exeter.)//
huh ?
FlyingToaster, Apr 15 2009

       (My friend Suzy's idea.)
theleopard, Apr 15 2009

       your friend Suzy who is a silverback-gorilla living in Exeter let you know she wanted pants ?
FlyingToaster, Apr 15 2009

       Yes, actually. Got a problem with silver-backs?
theleopard, Apr 15 2009

       nonono none whatsoever, certainly no more than I have a problem with anybody/thing that could perform an arm-ectomy without surgical tools...does she like polyester ? Might I most humbly suggest chaps instead of pants until she gets used to the gymnastics involved in going to the loo.
FlyingToaster, Apr 15 2009

       [FT], the point of the monkey clothing is to save us from the:
//fluorescent red abyss of their worryingly bare, bulbous anuses//. I don't think that chaps will fit the bil...
Jinbish, Apr 15 2009

       //Got a problem with silver-backs?// No, but you evidently do with red-arses.   

       While I think I share your aversion to monkey-bums, monkey clothing strikes me as being equally creepy.   

       I felt the same way about that idea the other day about wrestling a monkey in the bath - can't we just leave the monkeys alone?   

       In fact, after the initial "Yay!Monkeys!" response, it's not long before it becomes apparent that they're nothing more than small-minded id-driven thugs with a penchant for thievery, mischief and who's actions can only be properly controlled by monolith.
zen_tom, Apr 15 2009

       //they're nothing more than small-minded id-driven thugs with a penchant for thievery, mischief...//   

       You're not confusing the monkey enclosure with Glasgow again, are you?
Jinbish, Apr 15 2009

       //the point of the monkey clothing is to save us from the://
ahh missed that part; doesn't seem quite in line with it being a request from a silverback gorilla though.
FlyingToaster, Apr 15 2009

       [zen_tom], you're such an apeist. Next you'll be going on about how they've all come over here, stolen our bananas, and should go back to the jungle where they came from, while you vigorously shake your fist at them. Take that knotted hanky off your head and join us in the 21st century why don't you?
theleopard, Apr 15 2009

       Monkey Pants are at least as reasonable as an automatic-bag-o-sand (science included). Let's vote this idea up to 2.5 buns, and watch [theleopard] languish in the fire and brimstone he has accepted, by the signing of the "agreement".   

       [+] for no other reason... ( well, there is that jealousy thing)
4whom, Apr 15 2009

       There was a Victorian campaign to cover otherwise naked animals with clothes for the sake of public decency. However I can't find a link to it due to coverage of PETA's nude protesting.
Aristotle, Apr 15 2009

       //A new charity campaign to provide all monkeys with pants//I remember monkey boots. +
skinflaps, Apr 15 2009

       In 1966 I received a gag gift of a record album with a horse wearing boxer shorts on the cover. The album was an impassioned plea for decent attire for naked animals.
normzone, Apr 17 2009

       I think monkey pants is a terrible idea, unless the monkeys voluntarily put them on (and clean them). Personally, I am jealous of them. Nothing like a nice breeze blowing across your naked arse to wake you in the morning. We can't deprive them of that can we?
saprolite, Apr 19 2009

       Velvet dressing-gowns for monkeys would work just as well and, with the addition of a few props (Stradivarius, deerstalker hat, opium) give a pleasing Holmsian theme to the monkey enclosure. Then, to continue the theme, the gorillas would all be given Columbo-style trenchcoats.
hippo, Apr 20 2009

       eh...put em kilts. //ducks [jinbish's] shoe//
blissmiss, Apr 20 2009

       Will the pants have pockets?   

       My concern is that the monkeys might want to use them for some pocketable object. When wanting to retrieve said object later, their clenched fist won't allow them to remove their hand from the pocket. Given how much they need their arms for balance, they may end up with red faces despite their red anuses being covered.
shudderprose, Apr 20 2009

       Like an assault banana?
blissmiss, Apr 20 2009

       Anyone else see anything wrong with a silverback called Suzy?   

       (unless perhaps his father intended leaving him at an early age)
coprocephalous, Apr 20 2009

       Quick, someone hand me another shoe...
Jinbish, Apr 20 2009

       I see this idea has plus fours buns .I agree with [shudder...]. Although the intention is good, it might meet pockets of resistance. This may result in the ocassional flare up of public opinion. It may seem capri-cious to say, but I like that fact that something so inseamly could one day by considered en vogue. Monkeys com-pleat with pants, else it could be a natural waist. Alternatively, there could be those not so taken-in with the idea. Most likely those at the bottom of the bell curve.
4whom, Apr 20 2009

       Nice anno [4whom]. Suits you!
Jinbish, Apr 20 2009

       So, in youth pants then, [theleopard]? <see link>
4whom, Apr 20 2009

theleopard, Apr 21 2009

       Ha - Nice monolith!   

       Your monkeys are going to be wearing monkey pants in next to no time!
zen_tom, Apr 21 2009

       //Ha - Nice monolith//
Nah - wrong aspect ratio.
coprocephalous, Apr 21 2009

       Oh yes, it should be 1:4:9 - but there's no z axis on the halfbakery, which leaves 4:9 - and there's no linespacing in real-life, so that might jig it towards 5:7(ish), depending on fonts.
zen_tom, Apr 21 2009

       Just dawned on me that this monolith might inspire you apes to hit with bones the closest thing you can find...   

       buuuuuum... buuuuuM... BuuuuuuUM...   

theleopard, Apr 21 2009


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