Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
Superficial Intelligence

idea: add, search, annotate, link, view, overview, recent, by name, random

meta: news, help, about, links, report a problem

account: browse anonymously, or get an account and write.



Cannibal restaurant

Human steaks alongside the cow, pig and sheep
(+9, -9)
  [vote for,

Some people leave their body to medical science. Well an enlightened few will soon leave their young, healthy cadavers to the paying public. Alongside the usual modern dishes in this avant garde eaterie, one dish stands out: prime human steak. A 12lb slice of gluteus maximus, done to your liking, served with vegetables du jour and your choice of sauces. Watch the prudish media whip up a moral storm, see the bright young things flock from far and wide, smell the frying long pig from half a block away! Instant fame, a nation's opinion polarised in seconds and a guaranteed five month waiting list. No shady grave robbing here, publicity will always ensure that enough reaped-young-while-still-tender bodies are available. Beautiful.
Nadir, Apr 26 2001

ManBeef debunked http://www.snopes.c.../hoaxes/manbeef.htm
Feel better, Absterge? Not bought to you by the same people who did Bonsai Kittens, surprisingly. [Uncle Nutsy, Apr 26 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]

State of the art http://www.amazon.c...026-3920834-8528416
Iain banks book I mentioned [yamahito, Jun 15 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Donner Party Diner http://www.halfbake...ner_20Party_20Diner
This version came a bit later. [phoenix, Jun 16 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Alfred Packer Grill http://www.roadside...set/MEATpacker.html
almost [chud, Aug 25 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]

German cannibal http://www.cbc.ca/s...1/30/cannibal040130
Murder?!? [squeak, Oct 17 2004]


       ....then medical students can practice both medical procedures and the fine art of butchering.....   

       Just thought of a name "Dahmer's Steakhouse" (did I spell Jeff's last name correctly?)
Susen, Apr 26 2001

       Kuru? Thought that was mainly nervous tissue? Maybe a strict antibody test for PrP (or whatever) could come as part of the price of the meal.
Nadir, Apr 26 2001

       Not sure the estate of Mr J Dahmer Esq would like him to be associated with such a thoroughly legal and above-board scheme.
Nadir, Apr 26 2001

       Partially baked. On "TVs Funhouse" the Anipals dine at a restauarant called, "Eat What You Are." Then the lobster took his to go and satisfied his necrophelia urges.
pnewp, Apr 26 2001

       I have reservations
thumbwax, Apr 26 2001

       You could also have the choice of which stiff you eat,
"I'll have the leg off the 4th from the right",
"Ah an excellent choice Sir, would you like a drink with that?""
Little_Crow, Apr 26 2001

       Urk--the enthusiasm shown by these posts is abosolutely frightening. Monty Python claimed the Royal Navy had "almost" eradicated cannibalism in the ranks, and in another sketch some undertakers proposed baking the mother (I think it was) of the bereaved, who was at first reluctant but later came around ("Well, I *do* feel a bit peckish...") And does anyone remember "Soylent Green?"   

       Still, the thought of lightly toasted ladyfingers... Maybe a breaded sweatmeat or two...
Dog Ed, Apr 26 2001

       12lbs? And I thought I had a healthy appetite...   

       As disturbed as I am at the thought of eating someone I may have met, the very idea of what the marketing campaigns would be like is enough to make it appealing.   

       "You deserve to be steak today, at McDonalds."
III, Apr 27 2001

       Healthy appetite??? I'm amazed by the healthy-sized ass on that guy. And to think the 12lb portion was only a "slice" of it....
globaltourniquet, Apr 27 2001

       Since when has *that* been a criterion?
angel, Apr 27 2001

       What, you don't like the taste of pork?
thumbwax, Apr 27 2001

       The pig is the animal they always use for that human organ replacement genetic engineering deal, isn't it? Where they grow new organs for humans by splicing the appropriate DNA for it into a pig embryo, and let the pig grow the thing, because pigs don't reject human organs...(human-like, is perhaps a better term...) Anyone know what I'm referring to? Forgive my ignorance, I've seen a documentary.... Hang on, looking it up on Google... Aha! It's known as "transgenic transplants" or "xenotransplants"... My point is it demonstrates the close relationship between pig DNA and human DNA, so naturally...... tastes just like pork.
globaltourniquet, Apr 27 2001

       Head Cheese. Beans & Frank. Shish-k-Bob. Chuck Roast. Baked Alaskan. Pol Pot Pie. Finger Sandwiches. Head Lettuce. Elbow Macaroni. Back Ribs. Big Mac. Manwiches. Matzo Balls. Sloppy Joe.
Name suggestion: Bon Appetit
thumbwax, Apr 27 2001

       A tall, frosty glass of Samuel Adams...   

       (OH! and a Hero Sandwich -- Gen. Schwartzkopf on a bun!)
globaltourniquet, Apr 27 2001

       I prefer the smooth go-down-easy quality of a St. Pauli girl....
globaltourniquet, Apr 27 2001

       So what you're saying is that if I eat ham all the time I'll have a Porcine butt?
thumbwax, Apr 28 2001

       Yeah, and if you eat pig gristle it helps your arthritis. Sympathetic magic, I calls it.   

       Congrats to your and your wife, UnaBubba. Two is a nice number.
Dog Ed, Apr 28 2001

       Voltaire's Candide had an old woman whose left buttock had been eaten as a recurring character.
"Aw et a bebe!"
nick_n_uit, May 02 2001

       and the jukebox will only have 2 songs "Excitable Boy" "Timothy"
Sparki, Sep 12 2001

       Probably even the most wealthy patrons would chew their nails upon seeing the prices for the most expensive fare: naval cords, Yakuza pinkies, circumcision rings and parts of the ears of Evander Hollyfield and Vincent van Gogh.
FarmerJohn, Jun 15 2002

       I once made a visit to a Ripley's Believe-it-or-not in Texas where there was an exhibit on ritual cannibalism. [Of course, if Ripley's says it, it's GOT to be true.] The tribe, whose name I cannot recall, ate their dead citizens so that they could take a piece of the dead with them wherever they went.   

       BTW, they were so comfortable with the idea that they took to calling human meat "long pig."
polartomato, Jun 15 2002

       In Ian M Banks' novella "the state of the art" (in the book of the same name, see link), one of the human-esque alien researchers of earth serves steaks made from cloned body parts of various earth leaders, notorious terrierists, etc. The others looked on this as being poor taste, but hardly immoral.
yamahito, Jun 15 2002

       I would defintely be there! I would be a loyal customer... I'll have a thigh, please. Medium well, basted in a nice light barbeque sauce. Sign me up!
hatcherg, Aug 25 2002

       The menu contains the obituaries of your "steak" so you have the chance to rethink your feasting experience.   

       One, extra-large, extra-smelly, fishbone.
BinaryCookies, Aug 26 2002

       This is enough to make me want to go vegan (almost). Eating people? Do you have any idea where (or who) they've been?   

       And I refuse to make an addendum to my will allowing my family to have me at a cookout shortly after I die. This idea is bad to the bone.
Canuck, Aug 26 2002

       Haha, a biology thread... excellent. And a fleshy croissant for Nadir for his prose.   

       UB, apparently Kuru was mainly passed on from the preparation of the brain to be consumed. Researchers found that it was more prevalent in females who had prepared this questionable 'food'. Not that this makes it ok or anything <g>.   

       globaltourniquet, I don't think they splice human DNA into the pigs. From what I've heard they just create an inbred line of pigs (with a known genetic background) and harvest their organs. Pigs are closely related enough to us that they're concerned about the possibility of porcine endogenous retroviruses (PERVs) crossing over into the human genome. I only mentioned that so I could talk about pervs!
madradish, Aug 26 2002

       If I want to eat someone, and they want to be eaten, who are you to deny us?   

       I would try it for sure.
BillyBoy, Nov 09 2003

       Yeah, [Billyboy]. That's what a certain German is telling people at the moment. It's a tricky question. (rumages for link) Ping! see linky.
squeak, Feb 11 2004

       Exhibit H on why we need registration and pre-publish mod authorization.
npop, Mar 21 2004

       If you decide to eat here, make *very* sure you walk in the correct door.
GenYus, Mar 22 2004

       Well, I've always been curious...
Cthulhu, Mar 16 2005


back: main index

business  computer  culture  fashion  food  halfbakery  home  other  product  public  science  sport  vehicle