Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Ceremonial post-gender reassignment meal

Eat your own breasts or penis
  (+2, -8)(+2, -8)
(+2, -8)
  [vote for,

The only reason i won't have my bits snipped off is that someone else wants to use them. Also, it is of course impossible to change gender and i regard gender reassignment surgery as a nice little money-spinner. Anyway, it seems a shame to put the organs one used to have in the hospital incinerator when they could, for once, be enjoyed rather than being considered horrible growths on one's body as they will have been in one's life up to that point. Clearly some of them will be high in the offending hormones and probably should be dispensed with, but regarding the uterus, fallopian tubes, breasts and penis (most of it), they're fairly innocent and one of them would make a good sausage. Therefore, i propose that gender reassignment surgery be followed by a therapeutic meal where one eats the less hormonal bits of one's own former reproductive system. Either that or dip them in liquid nitrogen and smash them with a hammer - get all that frustration out in one go. I suppose i might be prevailed upon to have mine pickled and used as a dildo if a certain person was really nice to me.

A man can dream, can't he?

nineteenthly, Aug 06 2013

IGBT http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/IGBT
Sadly, much less salacious than you anticipated. [8th of 7, Aug 28 2013]

Bifet, Albert http://albertbifet.com/
who is almost certainly trying to work out why he gets so many hits from halfbakery.com [not_morrison_rm, Aug 29 2013]


       Utter, utter, utter madness.
zeno, Aug 06 2013

       . . .
FlyingToaster, Aug 06 2013

       Imagining scenarios in which you consume your own genitals, might, in some circles at least, be considered unusual.
Zeuxis, Aug 06 2013

       You needn't eat them. You could just smash them up with hammers, eliciting a resounding tinkle. What really bothers me is that the women get a bigger meal.
nineteenthly, Aug 06 2013

       // i might be prevailed upon to have mine pickled// That is very, very odd. How long have you had difficulty in sustaining a capital "I" ?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 06 2013

       Cannibalism is illegal in most countries that bother with laws; I wonder what John Law's take is on eating your own flesh.
Alterother, Aug 06 2013

       I'm pretty sure autophagy is legal. Were it not, nailbiting would be illegal, as would sticking your cut finger in your mouth.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 06 2013

       So too would losing weight through exercise, and emaciating yourself through not eating.
rcarty, Aug 06 2013

       //impossible to change gender   

       Well, legally speaking it's very easy....but it is a bit pot-luck for those in the Uk.   

       If for example, you are from the UK, and you scoot off to Hungary, then all you need is one psychiatrist's letter. If you scooted off to Thailand, then you're in for a real document fest.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 06 2013

       // it is a bit pot-luck for those in the Uk.// I hope that pun was intended.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 06 2013

       Literally eat your own cock -- makes it to the HB. Banner week, this and the one about covering uglies with bags with pix of pretty people. Makes one long for the days of vagina jam. If offensive at least be entertaining.
tatterdemalion, Aug 06 2013

       With some exercise and practice; maybe you can taste your parts before go ahead.
piluso, Aug 06 2013

the porpoise, Aug 06 2013

       Uh... no.   

       Although I realize if I were a tad more philanthropic about it, my good bits would feed a family of six for a week...   

       ...but no. [-]
Grogster, Aug 07 2013

       I'm just not going to read this!
xandram, Aug 07 2013

       OK, thanks for all that. [MB], why would i want an organ i don't even want to have to be any bigger than it currently is? Although, you do make me wonder if there's a connection between the lowercase personal pronoun and the whole issue.   

       // //impossible to change gender   

       Well, legally speaking it's very easy //   

       Whereas there is a legal fiction (is that the right term?) which allows people to be declared as belonging to a different gender, it is in fact impossible, is it not? Since it would involve having been perceived predominantly as of a different gender in the past than one was in fact perceived. So at the very least a massive conspiracy and a time machine would be required.   

       [NotationToby], definitely engorged, good point.   

       Yes, i realise this is more about my own catharsis than anything else, so i suppose that might make it advocacy.
nineteenthly, Aug 07 2013

       // why would i want an organ i don't even want to have to be any bigger than it currently is?//   

       Have you considered an online auction? I'm not sure that eBay would allow the necessary seller's pictures, but I'm fairly certain that out of 7 billion people, there ought to be at least one or two willing to, ah, stump up. Even I'd bid on it, if only as a novelty for my cabinet of curiosities.   

       [EDIT] A quick check on eBay suggests that you have a clear field as far as used genuine penii go.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 07 2013

       //Since it would involve having been perceived predominantly as of a different gender in the past than one was in fact perceived.   

       Sighs. To be honest it's not quite like that, in the modern world, it's an internal opinion thing and so not based on external opinions.   

       Consider it like the old apartheid system "In 1984, 795 people were re-classified. Of these, 518 went from Coloured to White; two Whites became Chinese and one became Indian; 89 Black Africans became Coloured, and 5 Coloured people became African (Ormond, 1986).", but different.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 07 2013

       Incidentally, [nineteenthly] - if you're considering dispensing with any other parts, I'd be happy to make you an offer for the lot. I currently have a human finger bone, but that is a sad token as a representative of the dominant species on Earth. Would you consider parting with a complete finger? Or possibly an ear?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 07 2013

       // I currently have a human finger bone,   

       Only the one? Must make typing pretty awkward.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 08 2013

       I have voted for this idea, though I do not know why. I think that it must be because I like the idea - or at least the image - of someone smashing their frozen (removed) penis with a large hammer, shards of bellend skittering and ricocheting across the white-tiled room, cleaning operative behind the two-way mirror trying to track where the meat slid off to, not wanting to miss collecting a shard, only to have the next nobsmasher having her resolve tested by sight of a pink, fleshy strip tucked in beside the table leg, plus if he doesn't collect them all, how can he complete his 3D penis jigsaw. (Actually, there's a thought - the more regularly shaped sections could be collected, plastinated and used in a literal game of dick jenga.) BUT ANYWAY, the idea seems to me to focus on the thing as a thing, rather than as a thing as an emblem of disjunt between the transperson's gender and their physical form and this is why it doens't ring true to me. I don't know - but would be interested to know - whether a transperson would have negative feelings towards their birthgenitals, or whether they would not care much, following the completion of transition. What matter a balls, when your body and your brain are no longer in conflict?
calum, Aug 08 2013

       //I have voted for this idea, though I do not know why//   

       Probably because you wish to see the systematic undoing of the website formerly known as the Halfbakery. Sure, I've wanted to partake of my own genitals from time to time (I mean, who hasn't?), but this is hardly the forum for discussing that fact. Unless you could come up with, you know, some clever invention that aids in doing so, like something that doubles you up into some odd position where your dong is sliced off and dropped immediately into your mouth. I'd totally bun that. Maybe.
ytk, Aug 08 2013

       //Probably because you wish to see the systematic undoing of the website formerly known as the Halfbakery.   

       How would anyone notice?   

       //where your dong is sliced off   

       Erm, that's not what happens for...the core material is tossed, however the skin is retained. You can even get the super-duper package includes part of (presumably) your own colon relocated. That's internally, not to Hawaii or something.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 09 2013

       The fact that you are able to provide such a detailed response is deeply disquieting.   

       We have added this idea to the list of "Ideas we were doubtful about looking at in the first place and in retrospect deeply regret reading".
8th of 7, Aug 09 2013

       I suspect that main reason for general anaesthesia in surgery is to prevent the patient finding out what exactly surgeons do, as we'd never go anywhere near a hospital.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 10 2013

       To answer your question about how the gender dysphoric view their genitals, i'm unlikely ever to have the op although i have made a list of five very specific circumstances in which i would, all quite improbable except for one, which is [grayure]'s death. Right now, i see my genitals in a similar way to how i imagine someone sees a massive cyst or disfiguring wart on a public part of their face, or maybe a disfiguring birthmark, with the added feeling that they're like tumours and are producing chemicals i don't want in my body which feel like they're poisoning me or making me ill. I also think there's a possibility that pouring all these negative feelings into them is not good for my health, mental or physical, generally. By contrast i find my rather tiny breasts sweet, almost like babies or maybe hamsters. I think i would opt for the smashing with a hammer, and if i ever do get to the other side i won't feel that the alteration is more than cosmetic, so the added opportunity of attacking them physically at a time when they're no longer a threat to me if i damage them would really hit the spot, i think. In fact, i'll extend the idea to tumour and other lesion destruction. Would you pass up the opportunity to smash up a frozen formerly life-threatening carcinoma? I wouldn't. Quite similar idea.
nineteenthly, Aug 10 2013

       I take it, then, that [grayure] is attached to your current set of genitals more than you are?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 10 2013

       can't you just treat it like an historical treasure?
po, Aug 10 2013

       Or a pet?
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 10 2013

       hb needs a like button.
po, Aug 10 2013

       //opportunity of attacking them physically at a time when they're no longer a threat to me   

       Or more importantly, not attached to your body by nerves.   

       It does seem frankly unsporting to attack them while they are still groggy from the anaesthesia, I suggest give them an hour's head-start, then release the hounds.   

not_morrison_rm, Aug 10 2013

       They dock lambs' tails by placing a rubber band around the base, and this causes little or no distress, if that helps. Apparently investment bankers' social consciences are removed in the same way.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 10 2013

       I've decided to come out, I'm part of the BLT community.   

       Ok, that's a lie, I am part of the LGBT community.   

       </end of tedious personal revelation>
not_morrison_rm, Aug 11 2013

       //or dip them in liquid nitrogen and smash them with a hammer//   

       If the genetalian hydrogen were extracted, spin polarised in a magnetic trap, and super-cooled to a BEC state then perhaps Super-flaccidity could be achieved.   

       Go away, will you ? Or would you prefer internal haemorraghing ?   

       // the LGBT community //   

       Lettuce, bacon, tomato, and ... which foodstuff does the "G" denote ? Our guess is "Garlic".
8th of 7, Aug 11 2013

       What, you don't like pastrami ?
8th of 7, Aug 11 2013

       On balance, BLT plays the larger part in my life.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 11 2013

       Are you gonna finish that?
tatterdemalion, Aug 11 2013

       // Go away, will you ? Or would you prefer internal haemorraghing ? //   

       Are you talking to me [8th of 7] ?   

       Do you smell troll?
popbottle, Aug 14 2013

       No, thank goodness. I smell Ogre sometimes but not very often.   

       What exactly does Ogre smell like ? We bet there's a hint of frenchness about it …   

       // the LGBT community //   

       If you're a member of the IGBT community <link>, does that mean you're Bi-FET curious ?   

       Just askin' …   

       … @ … @ … @ …   

       <bell in abandoned adobe church clangs in wind> What exactly does Ogre smell like ? We bet there's a hint of frenchness about it …   

       // the LGBT community //   

       If you're a member of the IGBT community <link>, does that mean you're Bi-FET curious ?   

       Just askin' …   

       … @ … @ … @ …   

       <bell in abandoned adobe church clangs in wind>What exactly does Ogre smell like ? We bet there's a hint of frenchness about it …   

       // the LGBT community //   

       If you're a member of the IGBT community <link>, does that mean you're Bi-FET curious ?   

       Just askin' …   

       … @ … @ … @ …   

       <bell in abandoned adobe church clangs in wind>   

       … @ … @ … @ …
8th of 7, Aug 28 2013

       Can somebody reboot the Borg? Their cut-and-paste function is broken.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 28 2013



       Please insert DOS disk in drive A: and strike any key.
8th of 7, Aug 28 2013

       Suspects a duff adobe plug-in. Or Windows 8. Or just gone chucking out time at the pub?
not_morrison_rm, Aug 28 2013

       My understanding is that the Borg are running a DOS emulator under OSX.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 28 2013

       It's weird, this morning I got an email "I am a Borg princess, I have xxxx interstellar credits...just send me the location of your brain"...
not_morrison_rm, Aug 29 2013

       Wasn't us. Our communications tend to be a bit less polite ...
8th of 7, Aug 29 2013

       Yes, more usually of the ballistic persuasion.   

       Did take a peek at bi-FET and predictably there is an Albert Bifet (linky).   

       I claim first dibs on rule 35, that there is no electrical component so obscure that it doesn't turn up as a person's name.
not_morrison_rm, Aug 29 2013

       "TPaH3NCTOP" (that's the closest I can get to Cyrillic) was the thirteenth most popular name for girls (and the 28th most popular for boys) in Ukraine in 1971.
MaxwellBuchanan, Aug 31 2013

       I can't find the Any button.   

       "Keyboard error or no keyboard present. Press F1 to continue."   

       "error: apt-get: command not found. To install apt type: apt-get install apt."
spidermother, Sep 01 2013

       //that's the closest I can get to Cyrillic   

       I have a specially built very thin keyboard, so I can get closer than that.   


       Grr, after spending 4 minutes trying to make it into a Russian name...BTW male and female formal names have different endings, female ones end in vowels...it's just nicknames that all seem to end in "a".
not_morrison_rm, Sep 01 2013

       //"TPaH3NCTOP"// and their sibling "5haurTs4oRz"
FlyingToaster, Sep 01 2013

       An interesting thread, and an unfortunate return to the past disgustion of eating one's own engorged blood sausage pudding that was a topic of HB ethics in yesteryears. It reminds of atleast one case in Germany from a few years ago where a cannibal solicited to murder and eat another person who he met online. The two men had sex, and before killing the penis was removed from the butchered man, and they both fed upon it, but decided it was inedible. The posted idea suggests something closer on the spectrum to legality, and sort of an expression of personal freedom despite what most people would consider to be obscene. The discussion highlights a few important contemporary political areas including LGBT, Russia, aparthied etc. Of course, aparthied took place in an extremely 'sign' sensitive political discourse of nuanced calvinist protestantism found mostly in south africa, the southern united states, and Northern Ireland, and elsewhere in british colonies where this is considered a loyalism. This turns into an issue of semiotic hermeneutics that has been topical in 'The Worlds Easiest Gameshow', and my own idea to infliltrate the fanbase of Ace of Base using machinegunnery; firing to refrains of 'sign sign everywhere a sign' by Five man electrical Band. Those two songs placed on a line illustate the political spectrum of the ideologies being dealt with. The simplest distinction is a closer odering of the world based on right and wrong, based on some sort of positivism that indicates a natural ordering of such a system. However 'signs' tend to encompass everything including social constructs. Believe it or not this has been the central theme of Western social movements since aparthied and the 60s. It's an interesting problem because in a general sense significance of signifiers is played down in the 'protestant' public realm, but is still very significant in Catholic institutions. However, public or protestant institutions, are actually instead pragmatic secular institutions that are more obsessed with functionalism, and the basic industrial idea of protestantism, so people are rather disciplined for violating rules meant for social harmony and working- together (such as hate crimes against gays and blacks) rather than fostering a spirit of internal conflict between important signifiers, as has been the relationship between Russia and the West. Russia producing significance that creates conflict (a homophobia?) between heterosexuals and homosexuals domestically, and between worldviews. Because homosexuals are a self-limited number, unless a social movement gets larger numbers of people to embrace homosexuality, the conflict is largely self-limited, and a small portion of society has to live with hiding the shame of indecency. And Vladimir Putins everywhere in russia can strike their chests and say how easily they crushed gays revolution. Afterall, there still has to be a disciplinary society of right and wrong, like a game show, but it simply has to appeal to something taken as that highest order of significance.
rcarty, Sep 01 2013

       Any chance of a few paragraph breaks?
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 01 2013

       It's not really a structured form of writing, it's more like stream of consciousness. Really the point is about the ephemeral significance that underlies difference.
rcarty, Sep 01 2013

       Ah, OK. As long as it wasn't meant to be read or anything.   

       Anyway, haven't we drifted a bit off the original topic of [19thly] eating his own bollocks?
MaxwellBuchanan, Sep 01 2013

       Thankfully, yes.
ytk, Sep 01 2013


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