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Chimp Labor

Chimpanzees to do light assembly
  (+5, -16)(+5, -16)(+5, -16)
(+5, -16)
  [vote for,

If large corporations could figure out how to train chimpanzees to perform light assembly work, we'd be able to eliminate sweat shop labor. They'd be cheaper to feed, and if they gave you any trouble, you could fire them without guilt and send them back to the wild.
kevinthenerd, Jun 10 2008

If you've got spare apes: Chimp_20Boat
[Amos Kito, Jun 10 2008]

(??) Bathroom monkey http://www.vidstogo.../bathroommonkey.wmv
Requires Windows Media Player® [Klaatu, Jun 10 2008]

chimps DO sweat http://news.bbc.co....ci/tech/6036281.stm
[xandram, Jun 10 2008]

Monkey Labour http://doctorvee.co...keys-out-of-labour/
[theleopard, Jun 10 2008]

Chimp factory http://www.teluspla...n/teebee/chimp.html
A story taking place in a similar scenario. [bluebeaversscrubbingourfloors, Nov 18 2009]


       They are high-maintainence btu surprisingly intelligent. I think a few electrodes to push their happy button and they could be very helpful in the right niche...
Voice, Jun 10 2008

       ...typing the complete works of Shakespeare.
Amos Kito, Jun 10 2008

       <prepares to fling poo>   

       Ha Ha Ha. Bathroom Monkey from SNL. Ha ha ha.   

Klaatu, Jun 10 2008

       Chimps don't sweat? ...and how mean would it be to train them for something then just send them back to the wild, where they would be all confused and wonder why they had lost their jobs: no.
not to add that you would have no guilt, either! boo
xandram, Jun 10 2008

       Chimp Labour? I always did think my country was being run by a bunch of monkeys.
theleopard, Jun 10 2008

       ...isn't that the Chimp Party?
xandram, Jun 10 2008

       Yeah. And if my Auntie had balls, she'd be my uncle, and would not be a vacuous hairdo.
Murdoch, Jun 10 2008

       Have you checked, [Murdoch] ? Have you checked really closely ? Maybe they've been playing some sort of sick game with you all these years.
8th of 7, Jun 10 2008

       this reminds me of "conquest of the planet of the apes". it took place in 1986 (the film was mad early to mid 70s, so that was the future) All the dogs and cats had died of some virus, and the humans had started keeping apes as pets. they found out the apes could be trained to do chores, and soon enough regarded them as slaves. eventualy, the offspring of cornelias and zera, who'd be switch at birth for an ordinary baby chimp by that circus owner. was brought to town, became a slave ape, and rallied the other slave apes in revolt againt the humans. thusly bringing the story full circle. yeah, I know it's sience fiction. even so, i don't think i would even trust monkey made products. also, is it fair to the monkeys?
-wess, Jun 10 2008

       who feeds the monkey?
po, Jun 10 2008

       Who changes the nappies? Or are these factory/battery chimps.   

       //If large corporations could figure out how to train chimpanzees to perform light assembly work, we'd be able to eliminate sweat shop labor.// In fact you might find that this is the current (myopic) thinking that multinationals subscribe to. Pay peanuts = get monkeys. The (possible) only difference being that chimps don't wake up and smell the exploitation. A subject of some debate, methinks.   

       You may have noticed an inescapable human condition; That we give much more of a stuff about gross violation of animal rights over violations of human rights. I have a sneaky suspicion that "vivefacturing" will raise a greater concern than "sweat shops".   

       It is possible that the backlash of taking a wage from (admittedly bad practice) a child/slave and budgeting for primate upkeep will make you enemies of the people you are trying to protect. But that is just years of consulting to conglomerates speaking, maybe this does work!   

       This is an idea, and must recieve a bone.
4whom, Jun 10 2008

       8th of 7, I don't think I want to get close enough to check. That level of inspection of near family's squidgy bits is possibly illegal and certainly barf-inducing.
Murdoch, Jun 11 2008

       Great, now instead of just off-shoring we're going to off-species our jobs.
Noexit, Jun 11 2008

       What, like ploughing fields, guiding the blind or sending messages home? That there's man's work!
theleopard, Jun 11 2008


       who feeds the monkey
normzone, Aug 12 2008

       This might generate MORE jobs for humans, as they would be needed to train the chimps, feed the chimps, breed the chimps, clean the chimps, Clean the factory after the chimps are gone...
ye_river_xiv, Aug 12 2008

       //Who feeds the monkeys?// //Who changes the nappies?//   

       More monkeys, of course. ;)
Spacecoyote, Aug 12 2008

       This certainly would be an improvement in human chimp relationships, but it doesn't quite go far enough though.
quantum_flux, Jan 05 2009

       //They'd be cheaper to feed//   

       I don't think so. Zoos pay a small fortune to feed their chimpanzees. That is part of the reason why they don't make good pets for the average person.
Jscotty, Nov 20 2009


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