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Chop off my balls

Sperm donation from the deceased
  (+18, -7)(+18, -7)
(+18, -7)
  [vote for,

Like organ donation, an option to have your sperm frozen after you are pronounced dead.

I think men would like the idea of possible procreation after death and giving their swimming jimmies a chance to pass on their DNA long into the future.

Women won't have to deal with the fathers and the children won't be wondering what their birth father is doing.

(Possible Future Scenario)

Man laying in the street dying after being hit by a car on a remote road, his fiancee hovers over him.

Man: I am not going to make it, honey (Coughs up blood).

Woman: Nooooo (crying). I looovee you.

Man: I love you too....but

I don't think the paramedics are going to make it in time.

So listen...when I die, use my pocketknife and chop off my balls and put them in the cooler. Promise me you'll do that.

PROMISE ME! (cough up some more blood)

Woman: Okay, Okay I promise (sob, sob).

Man: Our children will be wonderfaaarrgh... (dies).

Woman waits for the ambulance to arrive.

leinypoo13, Mar 30 2008

postmortem sperm retrieval http://humrep.oxfor...ntent/full/15/4/739
rectal probe electroejaculation (ouch!) [ldischler, Mar 30 2008]

(?) The perils of donorship http://news.yahoo.c...p_on_fe_st/not_dead
It's a good thing this guy didn't opt into this... [globaltourniquet, Mar 31 2008]


       This is just a hilarious idea, and I am bunning it just for that.
qt75rx1, Mar 30 2008

       And Honey?


       Hunt down the bastard that ran me over, and cut off his balls, too.

       I swear it will be done, Punkin.

       While you’re at it, pry out my brain so scientists can marvel at my genius.


       This leg’s fine. Throw it in the freezer. For the bone marrow.

       I’ll do that.

       For that matter, if you cut through here, here, here, and here, I’d fit in the freezer, if you take out all that venison.

       Yes. Good idea, sugar plum.
Amos Kito, Mar 30 2008

       You know, there's really no way to utilize your balls with you when you go to great wormy abyss. Also, the world doesn't really need your balls for procreation. Hmmm, maybe you could donate them to your local Sex Shop or strip joint as good luck charms.
quantum_flux, Mar 30 2008

       One imagines sperm banks of the future being racks of aging testicles on life support systems, each with a daily milking routine...
vincevincevince, Mar 30 2008

       This is depressingly stupid.
zeno, Mar 30 2008

       [zeno] that is precisely the point! It's so stupid, it's gotta work! Plus, don't you just love the title?   

       [lurch] then Christmas at the future sperm banks must be a sight to behold.
qt75rx1, Mar 30 2008

       If organ donation were made opt out rather than opt in, this could be included. In that scenario, you automatically get your knackers snipped off unless you specify otherwise.
nineteenthly, Mar 30 2008

       If you had to opt out, there would be a sharp increase in the amount of forgetful and lethally wounded Married No Kids members punching themselves in the balls in their waning moments.
frosto, Mar 30 2008

       [nineteenthly] in that case, future sperm banks will have such a glut of testicles that women will be able to fish them out from large jars of vinegar, like pickles.
qt75rx1, Mar 31 2008

       I'm suggesting a companion idea "rip out my ovaries".
Noexit, Mar 31 2008

       I sure hope [link] does not discourage organ donor participation, because I am a huge supporter of the concept, and my ID says so. But, with this idea standing, it does sort of make you hesitate...
globaltourniquet, Mar 31 2008

       [Noexit], i thought that too, but it's easier to do it with testicles, as ovary removal not only involves dissection but also the selection of a viable uterus for reproduction to take place, and to do that there would have to be a willing living person. Unless you also make it compulsory for premenopausal women in a persistent vegetative state to be impregnated, which is really quite a distasteful thought.
nineteenthly, Mar 31 2008

       I would hate the idea of any kid of mine being out there without me to help them.
nomocrow, Mar 31 2008

       Exactly my feeling, [nomocrow].   

       Any guy who wants to, can donate sperm the fun way, while he is still alive to enjoy it, and have it frozen for later use. Some chaps do that, just on the assumption that their sperm is healthier during their younger years. Postmortem eunuchry isn't needed or appealing.   

       Besides, if God has struck you down before you can reproduce, frustrating His plan just before you get to the Judgment Seat is probably bad timing.   

       "Please don't bury me
Down in that cold, cold ground
No, I'd druther have "em" cut me up
And pass me all around . . .
Sell my heart to the junkman
And give my love to Rose."
--John Prine.
baconbrain, Mar 31 2008

       Unfortunately, yes. But, right now I'll put a sticker on my balls that says: "IN CASE OF DEATH, put these on ice and immediately notify the halfbakery, a member will be arriving shortly."
leinypoo13, Mar 31 2008

       I think it would get round the case of Diane Blood, who wanted to use her dead husband's sperm to conceive a child. If something like this had been in place then, she would have been spared a lot of anguish. People often put off thinking about this sort of issue until it's too late. Also, i think that if i'd been born to a dead father, it would have meant very little to me because i wouldn't know any different. Then again, a country able to freeze your gonads is also one likely to produce babies who will grow up to drive fast cars and buy lots of consumer not-so-durables in disposable plastic bags, so maybe it's not such a good thing.   

       [leinypoo13], wouldn't a tattoo be better? In fact, while you're at it, why not just tattoo your entire last will and testament onto your scrotum? That'd solve a lot of problems.
nineteenthly, Mar 31 2008

       [Unabubba] Heresy. Ideas like "Freshly Baked Bed" will be sure to lure others.
leinypoo13, Mar 31 2008

       Headline: "Mother bears son to Darwin winner; award rescinded"
lurch, Apr 01 2008

       //Unless you also make it compulsory for premenopausal women in a persistent vegetative state to be impregnated, which is really quite a distasteful thought.//   

       Not much more distasteful than the streetside castration of a dead or dying man.
Noexit, Apr 01 2008

       The risk of losing one's member to an irate will reader performing a certain act can be reduced by the use of fluorescent ink for the tattoo, and the compulsory employment of a Wood's light by the likes of paramedics, undertakers and pathologists on encountering a corpse.   

       [Noexit], you're absolutely right. I'd not thought of it that way round. It would go on a lot longer than - no actually, it wouldn't would it? On one hand is the scenario of a freezer full of testicles, on the other is an intensive care maternity ward. I find the second one more disturbing than the first, and for that matter more disturbing than the castration scenario.
nineteenthly, Apr 01 2008

       Bun for this line: //Our children will be wonderfaaarrgh//
shapu, Apr 01 2008

       //Any guy who wants to, can donate sperm the fun way, while he is still alive to enjoy it//   

       Maybe the idea is to traumatize the wife. Otherwise, what’s the point of special preparations to be mortally wounded by a car in a way that doesn’t damage the testes, yet keeps you alive long enough to relay specific information, while ensuring your prompt death? In the story, she severs the epididymis, making sperm recovery much less likely. This idea is cruel, gross, pointless, and bad science. I only bunned it for the forewarning to hide pocketknives from the spouse.
Amos Kito, Apr 01 2008

       //traumatize the wife//   

       I'm doing that just sitting here.
baconbrain, Apr 01 2008

       Ironically, yesterday I was teasing my dog and he jumped up and bit my balls.   

       He did not get the balls proper but rather the sac. But I drew blood.   

       I thought that this would then be "Chomp off my balls."
leinypoo13, Apr 01 2008

       Time for a new dog, methinks.
DrCurry, Apr 01 2008

       "Uhh, actually, I'm not quite dead yet."   

       "Yes you are, you'll be stone cold dead in a minute."   

       "Actually, I think I'm feeling better."   

       "Hey, who's the doctor here? What's that badge say?"   

       "Medical Technician..."   

       "Yea, well, that's more of a doctor than you are so shut up."   

       "...trainee, plus that's not even your picture. That guy's Asian."   

       "Ahh! Bloody racism that is! Now shut up and let me cut your balls off or I'll have you charged with crimes against humanity!"   

       "Ok, sorry."
doctorremulac3, Mar 03 2011


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