Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
h a l f b a k e r y
I like this idea, only I think it should be run by the government.

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Strip Club Sperm Bank

I think you get the idea
  (+15, -11)
(+15, -11)
  [vote for,

Perhaps with private booths for, well, privacy.
Worldgineer, Jan 12 2005

(?) Topless Bank Tellers [etherman] encouraged me to post this. [Worldgineer, Jan 12 2005]

Austrailan Sperm Shortage http://hosted.ap.or...ME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT
"Victoria state's largest in-vitro fertilization clinic... has only 13 sperm donors, with just five new men signing up last year" (link changed - last one required subscription) [Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005, last modified Jan 19 2005]

Donor Profiles http://www.thespermbankofca.org/dcp.html
Apparently, it's a good way to pay your way through college. Looking at around 10 profiles almost all were students. [Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005]


       I believe a stack of Playboys is cheaper.
DrCurry, Jan 12 2005

       What I want to know is where are the illustrations to these ideas.
theircompetitor, Jan 12 2005

       Nice double 'Deposit' joke, [World]!
gnomethang, Jan 12 2005

       Store all the nuggets of infectivity in one jar. A term used to describe cattle catching BSE.
mensmaximus, Jan 12 2005

       [DC] You're looking at this from the wrong angle. It's not an add-on to a sperm bank - it's an extra revenue stream for strip clubs. Have people fill out whatever forms you need to fill out for sperm banks, then get a free drink, viewing, or return admission with donation. The club then sells documented samples to fertility clinics.
Worldgineer, Jan 12 2005

       Who in their right minds would want to use sperm from the losers frequenting topless bars?
DrCurry, Jan 12 2005

       It's not a topless bar, it's a sperm bank with live incentive.   

       To me, the plausibility of the idea is weakened because it is founded on the notion that strippers are willing to perform to an audience guaranteed to be busily beating off. Some might think that's okay but I believe that many would not.
bristolz, Jan 12 2005

       [DC] Who in their right mind would want to use sperm from the losers who visit sperm banks for the small cash incentive?   

       [bz] Good point. One-way mirrors on the booths may help, as might the knowlege that they could be helping create a family, but likely the club will have to pay a bit more for these less-selective strippers.
Worldgineer, Jan 12 2005

       Strippers will dance for guys beating off if the money is good enough and they don't have to do have to go too close. Realise I'm not saying they should, just that they will... and do from what I've seen in Amsterdam / Hamburg.
etherman, Jan 12 2005

       I'm sure strippers realize that there'll be the odd duck in the audience who is, er, relieving himself but, in this proposal, every audience member is engaged. That's a fairly big difference even given the virtuous cause.
bristolz, Jan 12 2005

       "there'll be the odd duck in the audience who is, er, relieving himself ", I used to wonder sometimes if I was missing something by not going in to one of those places. It's easier to let that go now, thanks.
half, Jan 12 2005

       Knockin me out with those American thighs, a whole lot a Rosie.
mensmaximus, Jan 12 2005

       [half], can you clarify, was that strip clubs or sperm banks?
theircompetitor, Jan 12 2005

gnomethang, Jan 12 2005

       Ducks, expecting Vampire Lesbians of Wall St.
theircompetitor, Jan 12 2005

       I have nothing to say--I'm just laughing.
Machiavelli, Jan 12 2005

       "Two drink minimum? What the hell?"
[ sctld ], Jan 12 2005

       Sperm bank donations don’t necessarily become part of some publicly available pool. There are some very good reasons for using a sperm bank (OK, I can think of one). A friend of mine is a testicular cancer survivor. At the time he was diagnosed (young), he was engaged and wanted children. Knowing that he was going to lose one in surgery, then get radiation treatment (and eventually more surgery and chemo), he used a sperm bank. It was a private collection for use by his wife only.   

       He had a private room, and a stack of magazines, but found it difficult to masturbate in this environment, with someone waiting for the sample, with everything that was going on, etc., etc. I bring this up because he specifically said that this would be much easier to do while watching a stripper. Actually, he said he wanted his fiancee in there with him, but since that wasn’t allowed, he’d like a stripper. So, for this all too real scenario... + (though not quite what I’d call ‘culture: theatre’)   

       <aside> I asked him how many chances he had for pregnancy stored at the bank. He had about 60, which (being the good friend that I am) prompted me to make all kinds of jokes about how much he loved the place, even though he explained how each donation is separated into about 20 usable parts. </aside>
Shz, Jan 12 2005

       Wag: "Oh, I shop at Semen Marcus."
reensure, Jan 12 2005

bristolz, Jan 13 2005

       I refute that.
wagster, Jan 13 2005

       I wonder if one could make a withdrawl of their own sperm should infertility or a testicular catastrophe happen in the future?...hmm...
DaveW-H, Jan 13 2005

       soldiers etc do that very thing now.
po, Jan 13 2005

       HA! Just noticed the category... nice.
etherman, Jan 13 2005

       ([DaveW-H], read Shz' annotation just about 4 above yours for an answer to your question.)
half, Jan 13 2005

       Sorry 'half'....My reading time is limited here as my workplace frowns upon excessive internet usage :o(
DaveW-H, Jan 13 2005

       Frozen sperm and eggs to guarantee future pregnancy already exists. Other than that -sorry. [World]- I don't think any woman would like to use sperm "extracted" from a strip club client and I'm sure I'm not alone on this.
Pericles, Jan 14 2005

       Why not?
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       Pericles, I think I understand the sentiment, but I would have to bet that statistically, they don't have much choice.
theircompetitor, Jan 14 2005

       If I had to chose between going to a traditional sperm bank and a strip club sperm bank, I'd buy sperm from the first one.   

       [theircompetitor]: If you say it because most men go to strip clubs, you are taking my argument completely out of context. I don't care about dating someone who has been to a strip club, because I would know who he is. I would never date someone who thinks it is a good idea to get paid for "relieving" himself in a strip club.   

       There is nothing wrong with strip clubs, but sometimes there IS something wrong with those men who can't get out of there.
Pericles, Jan 14 2005

       //sometimes there IS something wrong with those men who can't get out of there// Perhaps. I haven't known any of these people, but that is certainly reasonable.   

       //I would never date someone who thinks it is a good idea to get paid for "relieving" himself in a strip club.// Would you date someone who thinks it's a good idea to get paid for donating at a sperm bank? Does the difference lie in it being live entertainment verses magazines, or in money as the incentive versus, um, more basic desires?
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       yes, that is my point as well.
theircompetitor, Jan 14 2005

       //Does the difference lie in it being live entertainment verses magazines, or in money as the incentive versus, um, more basic desires?//   

       Well, yes. If you tell me you would go out with a woman who thinks it is ok to get paid for "satisfying" her more basic desires -even if money is her only incentive-, then you're telling me you would be willing to date a prostitute.
Pericles, Jan 14 2005

       Prostitutes get paid for sexual acts, not necessarily satisfying their own desires. The current sperm bank model is to pay for donations, which effectively pays people to perform a sexual act. At least those that visit the Strip Club Sperm Bank would not be driven by monitary incentive (they only get free admission, viewing, or drinks with donation).
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       //they only get free admission, viewing, or drinks with donation//   

       ¿How is this not getting payed for a sexual act?
Pericles, Jan 14 2005

       Because likely these patrons would have behaved similarly with or without these benefits. The intent in one case is to find adult pleasures, in the other case the intent is to gain financial reward. You might draw a paralell with a woman who lets a man buy her a drink before a one-night-stand versus one who sleeps with men for money.
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       I still don't agree with your comparison, nor with the idea of buying sperm from a strip club sperm bank.
Pericles, Jan 14 2005

       Ok. Just curious about the logic behind your opinions.
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       [Pericles] don't let him talk you into...(ahem)...withdrawing your bone.....
lintkeeper2, Jan 14 2005

       It was a silly idea anyway. I'm surprised I'm looking at so many buns.
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       Surprised, [World]? Even considering most of those who voted for the idea are men? Not really all that surprising. I think the idea that they could contribute to something as noble as fertility problems while having a great time in a strip club tickles their funny bone, even if your idea was just for fun. I wonder if I was the only woman who bunned this idea for the funniness of it.
Machiavelli, Jan 14 2005

       Men, women, we're all interested in buns and bones. It's what makes the world go round :)
theircompetitor, Jan 14 2005

       [El] Do you mean the dancers or the patrons?
....Never mind, either way the male patrons would enjoy it.
brodie, Jan 14 2005

       I think women see the patrons of strip clubs as sleazy...   

       thats it really!
po, Jan 14 2005

       Just joined you macchiavelli ;-) Cor, It keeps them of the street, don'it?
Susan, Jan 14 2005

       [po], how do women feel about the patrons (I guess patron isn't right - low wage workers?) of sperm banks? I haven't met either type (or at least any that have admitted it to me), and have little but stereotypes to work from.
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       do patrons get paid?   

       personally, for my child's father, I would like a cross between a former half-baker and Stephen Hawking.
po, Jan 14 2005

       //do patrons get paid?// In the US they do. Let me google around a bit...
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       google around - is that rude? :P
po, Jan 14 2005

       Heh. Didn't mean it like that.   

       See my 3rd link. Most of the profiles I looked at list money as the reason for donating sperm.
Worldgineer, Jan 14 2005

       [World] - The last link (california sperm donor profiles) 3030 has the description Korean,Pakistani. Thats casting a pretty wide net (similar to saying african russian)
energy guy, Jan 16 2005

       The women don't feel about the sperm bank donors. The donors have to feel about themselves.
Mustardface, Jan 16 2005

       //[po]..Stephen Hawking//   

       Nominating "I got your theory of everything right here, babe" for tagline.
theircompetitor, Jan 16 2005

       I thought she meant a specific male type person who used to be a halfbaker. How she intends to cross him with Steven Hawking, I do *not* want to know.
half, Jan 16 2005

       half is right and yeah the *crossing* is impossible. that will teach me to muse in public, will I never learn?
po, Jan 16 2005

       It's happy hour, whadaya mean I'm cut off?   

       [po] I missed the rrrreference.
Worldgineer, Jan 19 2005

       [rrr] seems to have deleted his anno.
po, Jan 19 2005

       do you have to pay to get into the club? because if admission price is close to what you get for donating sperm the club would make no profit... also remember that your not allowed to have drugs or alcohol within 48 hours of donating sperm
willywilliams, Jan 19 2005

       [willy], certainly they would make a profit. The value of the free stuff the donors get would be less than the club makes on the sperm. If college students are paying their way through school with the stuff, I'm quite sure it's worth more than the price of admission.   

       Didn't know that about drinking - I'm sure a dry strip club would work as well, though I wonder about the science behind that rule.
Worldgineer, Jan 19 2005

       Perhaps the economics would work better if this was a porn cinema / sperm bank whereby clients would be encouraged to jerk off rather than discouraged, as long as they do it in the receptical.   

       They pay a slightly increased charge than a normal porn house for the priveledge of bashing the bishop in comfort and with dolby. Cinema sells the sperm on.
etherman, Jan 19 2005

       Sounds reasonable.
Worldgineer, Aug 24 2005

       [mensmaximus] You quote two separate songs I hope you know.
Eugene, Aug 25 2005


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