Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Crying Baby Hardcore Band

Pure energy
  (+28, -5)(+28, -5)(+28, -5)
(+28, -5)
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The lead singer of the hardcore band is a 6 month old crying baby. The show is scheduled to start at a time of night when the baby is normally hungry. The video and audio is streamed from his crib to the club. His/her crying face is displayed on a monitor as the lead singer to the crowd, perhaps with a Madonna-like headset. The band plays off of the baby's energy until a disembodied breast appears and the show is over.
leinypoo13, Feb 27 2008

Sinus Resonance http://khoomei.com/...topic.php?f=9&t=318
No de Brach here. [csea, Mar 01 2008]

Acoustic analysis of the infant cry http://ieeexplore.i...df?arnumber=1403155
Relevant research [csea, Mar 01 2008]


       the band can set up, looking at the screen, and then wait, with their hands muting their guitars in attempt to contain the feedback of their cranked amps until the singer starts to get upset (could be a long time). and then as the singer starts to belt out his/her first "WHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" the band kicks in. lots of tension, then a worthwhile release.
frosto, Feb 27 2008

       hahahahahahaahahahaahah (+)
Pericles, Feb 27 2008

       The baby would likely try and eat any kind of microphone placed within his/her reach. Pastry, regardless. [+]
ed, Feb 27 2008

       Takes away the need for a wah-wah pedal.
skinflaps, Feb 27 2008

       "Hey man, the baby can really wail!"
theleopard, Feb 27 2008

       Baked: S-Club Juniors.
angel, Feb 27 2008

       Has anyone noticed that crying babies have gears?   


       So, Americans, do your babies go WHAAAAAAAAhAAAAAAAAhAAAAAAAAA ... ?
Ned_Ludd, Feb 27 2008

       This sounds OK until, like me, you have tiny rock-star neighbours who rehearse their vocals through the night.
coprocephalous, Feb 27 2008

       Hahaha! Fab.
calum, Feb 27 2008

       "until a disembodied breast appears and the show is over" - in a lot of places, that would be the start of the next show....
DrCurry, Feb 27 2008

       Hardcore metal chicks wave their boobs at the band at a lot of shows. They do that here, that kid's just gonna get frustrated, and scream louder.   

       Assuming he can see them, of course.
elhigh, Feb 27 2008

       Haha...you sicko. Have a screaming croissant! +
xandram, Feb 27 2008

       Crying babies are painful to a large proportion of the population, and for a very good reason. The fronto-temporal sinus contains a protruding finger of bone (actially it's more like a thin strip than a finger) called de Brach's Process; this strip is covered with a particularly thin layer of tissue, and is highly flexible. (the de Brach's is often snapped in head trauma cases, and some people who escape major injuries report a tickling or painful sensation behind the bridge of their nose; this is actually the broken de Brach's wobbling around, attached by soft tissue alone; it eventually heals or gets absorbed.)   

       de Brach's process has a natural resonant frequency which varies somewhat from person to person, but does not vary as much as you might expect. A group in Canada recently showed that de Brach's process tends to resonate at the dominant frequency in babies' cries - about 520Hz (and harmonics thereof). There are an unusual number of nerve endings around the base of the de Brach's, making it very sensitive to vibration.   

       You might think all this is coincidence, but it turns out that some primates have de Brach's process too, and in each case it has a resonant frequency close to the strongest frequency in their offspring's distress calls. And, even more compellingly, howler monkeys have a de Brach's process, but only in females; in males there's no equivalent.   

       So, I can't really bun this.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 27 2008

       Then the concert-goers must all be male howler monkeys! Bosh. Problem solved.
calum, Feb 27 2008

       Well, female howler monkey's could go too. Different species, different resonant frequency.   

       Or replace the baby with a howler monkey sapling.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 27 2008

       So, essentially, what we need is for concerts where the wailing child is of a different species to each of the concert goers. This would be good, as hipsters would be forced to employ gig dogs* to attend Crying Baby Hardcore Band (incidentally, the band name is perfect as it is) shows on their behalf, the dogs reporting back that night by means of a series of woofs and barks, thus enabling said hipsters to comment authoritatively, and in their usual witheringly condescending manner, on the greatness of the CBHB performance, without endangering their de Brach's Process.   

       * Other creatures may be suitable: gig bees could provide a report by way of subtly reconfigured bee dances, for example. The Gig Mr Ed would be able to hire himself out to those hispters who find themselves too busy to learn ape-/dingo-/crayfish- speak.
calum, Feb 28 2008

       Hmmm... "de Brach's Process" doesn't get any hits on Google...
lostdog, Feb 28 2008

       //"de Brach's Process" doesn't get any hits on Google...// Ah - hang on. Let me check something.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 28 2008

       Ah, yes. Apparently I was confusing this with the "lateral process", which is part of the heel. Easy mistake to make. Pologies.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 28 2008

       No, the lateral process isn't connected with hearing. I was thinking of snakes.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 28 2008

       Exactly. That would explain why they seldom go to concerts. You can see how easy it is to get confused about this kind of thing.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 28 2008

       [UnaBubba] it appears that the report on de Brach's process was made by the same researcher who discovered the beetles with the predator-dazzling reflective elytra. Sadly, it has come to my attention that this source is wildly unreliable and probably drug-related.   

       On the plus side, though, if we can get de Brach's process sufficiently widely known, it will be a very useful. A vacuum cleaner, a yapping dog that needs walking, a power-drill, a befouled infant in need of changing, an Andrew-Lloyydd-Webber concert - any of these things might (tragically) hit the resonant frequency of one person's de Brach's, but not that of, say, their spouse.
MaxwellBuchanan, Feb 28 2008

       Comments reminding me of (underrated stuff, this) Roger Waters' "It's a Miracle":   

       We cower in our shelters
With our hands over our ears
Lloyd-Webber's awful stuff
Runs for years and years and years
An earthquake hits the theatre
But the operetta lingers
Then the piano lid comes down
And breaks his fucking fingers
It's a miracle
globaltourniquet, Mar 03 2008


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