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Custard-Filled Child Trousers

To keep the little blighters in check
  (+9, -1)(+9, -1)
(+9, -1)
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Children. They move about a lot. Often this is irksome, especially if you have a hangover at the time. However, "protection" is just one word in our lexicon of love when it comes to the dictionary of child care. And what finer way to protect a child than to employ the non-Newtonian properties of custard.

Simply construct a pair of dual layer child-size trousers, a skirt will not work, and place custard between the inner and outer layers. Frequent connections between the inner and outer layers will be required to prevent all the custard ending up in the hem region. Now, with the child wearing them, they will be allowed to move about at a sedate, hangover- friendly pace. If they try and do any of that whizzing about the place they're so fond of, they will find their trousers a suddenly-rigid inhibitor.

If the child is hit by a car, or they drop the sledgehammer they're playing with, considerable protection will be afforded to their lower regions. Should the child be required to stay still, parent-activated vibrating motors concealed in the trousers will solidify the custard rendering the child immobile and lightly armored, often the ideal.

bs0u0155, Dec 13 2013

Custard is non-newtonian http://en.wikipedia...Newtonian_behaviour
But it is in the same catagory as water. [scad mientist, Dec 16 2013]

Bird's Custard, or imitation custard http://en.wikipedia...ki/Bird%27s_Custard
Essentially corn starch or Oobleck, but called Custard in the UK. [scad mientist, Dec 16 2013]

[link]






       This idea is without fault.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 13 2013
  

       I am always curious as to exactly how long custard stays fresh and creamy. Does it not go rotten or lose its consistency? I am bewildered as to why one would choose a food product for such use.
xandram, Dec 13 2013
  

       Might just work...+
blissmiss, Dec 13 2013
  

       This is the custard idea that never existed.
rcarty, Dec 13 2013
  

       Great idea. [+] although I believe that my parents had thoughts along this line many years ago. I can clearly recall many mornings after the night before having one of my parents yelling out to me "Stop running around making so much noise, you little *custard!"   

       *(or something similar)
AusCan531, Dec 13 2013
  

       custard isn't non-newtownian, oobleck is.   

       If you want weighted clothes to impede their movement we may as well use lead-imbibed clothing, like the lead aprons for xray machines
EdwinBakery, Dec 15 2013
  

       //custard isn't non-newtownian, oobleck is.// heretic
pocmloc, Dec 15 2013
  

       //custard isn't non-newtownian, oobleck is.//   

       In the UK, apparently custard is essentially Oobleck. See second link. So in defference to the people who started this fine site, I have no problem calling it custard when I hang out here.
scad mientist, Dec 16 2013
  

       //custard isn't non-newtownian, oobleck is. //   

       Real custard doesn't contain cornstarch, and isn't non-Newtonian (or, more precisely, is Newtonian). So-called "instant custard" does, and therefore is (or more precisely, isn't).
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 16 2013
  

       //In the UK, apparently custard is essentially Oobleck. See second link. So in defference to the people who started this fine site, I have no problem calling it custard when I hang out here.//   

       Huh? Unless you're thinking of different “people” than I am, I'm fairly sure she's not British…
ytk, Dec 16 2013
  

       Well I guess I don't know where Jutta is from, since a large number of the active posters here are British, and usually when I hear about people getting to gether for a physical meeting it's over there somewhere, so I just assumed...   

       And by people I was referring to Jutta as well as many of the long time posters who added ideas to make this site worth visiting.
scad mientist, Dec 17 2013
  

       Of note: In at least one local (Los Angeles) supermarket you can buy Bird's Custard in the “international” section. So far I have not bothered. You can also acquire Marmite there. So far I have not dared.
ytk, Dec 17 2013
  

       according to Wikipedia uncooked imitation custard is the stuff.
FlyingToaster, Dec 17 2013
  

       I'm quite bothered by the fact that if a child wearing these trousers requires a good spanking it truly is more likely to hurt me than him.
jurist, Dec 17 2013
  

       Not if you hit him with his sister.
MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 17 2013
  

       //I'm quite bothered by the fact that if a child wearing these trousers requires a good spanking it truly is more likely to hurt me than him//   

       Well, I have no children so my opinions on the subject neither exist nor would be valid if they did.   

       However, there's nothing to stop you specifying a lockable flap.
bs0u0155, Dec 17 2013
  
      
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