Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Cynics Anonymous

A self-help group for the bitter, twisted and disilusioned.
  (+12, -3)(+12, -3)
(+12, -3)
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By definition, this has to be a SELF-help group; after all, no other bu88er is going to lift a finger to help you, are they ?

Cynics Anonymous is an orgaisation for those who have become so fed up with cynicism that they have lost all faith in it. It is a refuge for the suspicious, the distrustful, the bitter and twisted, the disillusioned and those without hope.

The main problem is getting cynics to come to the meeetings. If they see a poster, they may consider the idea briefly, but are likely to reject it on the following grounds:

1. The people organising it are looking to make something out of it, or have a hidden agenda of their own.

2. It might work in the beginning, but there's no way it can last.

3. It's just not worth the effort (these people usually end up at Apathetics Anonymous)

4. It's a put-up jop run by the Government and big corporations.

For those for whom the future is nothing more than an endless grey wasteland of doubt and uncertainty, swept by the chilly winds of mischance, Cynics Anonymous offers you hope - but then cruelly snatches it away, just when things were seeming to get a bit better. Join NOW !

[CA is a we-tell-you-it's-not -for-profit-but-do-you-really -believe-that?-orgainsation, staffed by ex-military personnel, semi-alcoholic journalists, former cops, and bright cheerful optimistic people who are just too good to be true. It is sponsored by a number of shadowy and sinister organisations through a network of corrupt officials, false accounting, and lazy, incompetent civil servants. This message is brought to you by the Ministry of Defence, Enron, and some friends of George W who have done quite well recently since all the uncertainty in the Middle East pushed up oil prices]

[Genuine fact: Google returns 4280 hits for the search phrase "cynics anonymous" but none of the entries contains a concise definition of the organisation or its aims. We looked at all of them. But we bet you don't believe us ......]

8th of 7, Jul 12 2002

The Book Of Bitterness http://www.sealander.com/Contents2.html
It seems that there is already a newsletter ... [8th of 7, Jul 12 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

The Cynic's Sanctuary http://www.i-cynic.com/main.asp
"An idealist whose rose-coloured glasses have been removed, snapped in two, and stomped into the ground, immediately improving his vision." [-alx, Jul 13 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]

Despair http://www.despair.com
For wallowing, not reform [ThotMouser, Jul 15 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       Nah, it'd never work around here. And even if it did, you wouldn't want to go there. And even if you did, you wouldn't like anyone you met.
DrCurry, Jul 12 2002
  

       What, do you think that a cynic would actually be cognizent of the fact that they are indeed a cynic? This would be impossible to achieve. Why bother...
polartomato, Jul 12 2002
  

       I love the idea! I think cynics will flock to your door. But a cynic would never admit to liking the idea... so I guess I have to give you a fishbone...
Aurora, Jul 12 2002
  

       I'm not being cynical; I can just see how things really are...
-alx, Jul 13 2002
  

       -alx: Interestingly, the ancient Greek cure for a Cynic was to put out their eyes, as they were said to be "A person who sees the world too clearly".
8th of 7, Jul 13 2002
  

       ewwww
Helium, Jul 13 2002
  

       Cynics only _think_ they see the world clearly. In reality, cynicism just doesn't work. It's just another way for bitter and twisted individuals to shift the blame for their unhappiness onto others. "The government is corrupt. Religion is absurd. People are weak and selfish." Yeah, yeah. And your point is? Life is meaningless, daddio. Deal with it.   

       Sorry, does that sound too cynical?
Guy Fox, Jul 13 2002
  

       ruby the cynic has issues
thumbwax, Jul 13 2002
  

       [ruby] well, there are millions of them - they can't all be wrong, shirley.
po, Jul 13 2002
  

       You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with ourcynic sauce!
-from “The Grinch”
  

       ¯8th of 7: Try "cynics anonymous" (including quotes) and you'll get fewer and more exact results in your search ------- I got 24.
reensure, Jul 13 2002
  

       Et tu, Brute?   

       Cynicism is an imaginary defense mechanism invented by the naive.
waugsqueke, Jul 15 2002
  

       Would this be aimed at the true cynics, who seek to exploit the frailties of human nature whilst trying to conceal them, or just the sad idealists who point out those frailties?
pottedstu, Jul 15 2002
  

       pottedstu: Either. The idealists can use it as a forum for whining and biutching, and the true cynics can try to pervert the organisation for their own benefir.   

       In reality, it doesn't matter, because they'll cancel one another out.   

       We're interested by some of the comments this idea has attracted, but are deeply suspcious of the thinking behiond them. We suspect that the annotators in fact have ulterior motives of their own, but which the're keeping quite about. And we think the croissant givers are going to come along later and say "Oooh, I gave you a croissant for your idea, please give me one for mine....".   

       reensure: We like to be thorough. Besides, 4280 is a much more impressive number.   

       rubyissues: It's a SELF help GROUP because it's no fun being cynical on your own, you need some one to be cynical at.   

       waugsqueke: "Cynicism is an imaginary defense mechanism invented by the naive" - popular, though.
8th of 7, Jul 15 2002
  

       Why, Cynics Anonymous! Of course! What a brilliant and benevolent suggestion! I just think something like this could be the answer to, oh, _so_ many problems!   

       Thank you, Mr. 8th, for brightening my day. Uncharacteristically, I had begun the day a little glum because my shiny brand new car had splashed through a mud puddle. But now I am once again ALIVE with the hope and enthusiasm that bursts forth like spring daisies and the sunny song of the bluebird in the morning!   

       This really is the _best_ of all _possible_ worlds!
beauxeault, Jul 15 2002
  

       Would you like me to direct you to "Sarcastic Bastards Anonymous"?
angel, Jul 15 2002
  

       That's irony, not sarcasm. Besides, angel, you don't seem like a sarcastic bastard to me.
beauxeault, Jul 15 2002
  

       angel, blissmiss: we think we may need to reduce beauxeault's medication a little ... the current dose is obviously a bit too strong ....
8th of 7, Jul 15 2002
  

       Obviously.   

       But if Alcoholics Anonymous, when successful, produces teetotalers, wouldn't Cynics Anonymous produce Pollyannas?
beauxeault, Jul 15 2002
  

       beauxeault: Ah, no, that's the beauty of it. AA doesn't "cure" alcoholics, in fat their whole approach is that there IS no cure .... That's the centre of the CA theory, "This is how it is, and how it's always gonna be, unless maybe it gets quite a lot worse." CA doesn't turn cynics into happy, cheerful optimists. The're still embittered, sullen and grumpy, just better at dealing with it. Or perhaps not.   

       angel: By the way, liked your SB Anonymous idea - care to tell us more ?
8th of 7, Jul 15 2002
  

       Cynicism sucks, just like everything else.
entremanure, Jul 16 2002
  

       Fishbone for the implication that there is something wrong with being cynical. The true cynic knows all too well that he/she has damn good reason for being cynical, and the rest of you would all be cynical too if you just opened your eyes to what's going on around you.
waugsqueke, Jul 16 2002
  

       My experience is that cynics hate to remain anonymous; they just love to share their miserable, gloomy, pessimistic view of the world with everyone. Bloody typical.
TwoSheds, Jul 16 2002
  
      
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