Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Desktop Cock Block

Bit of a mouthful
  (+4, -3)
(+4, -3)
  [vote for,

How often have you heard someone on the other side of the world promise, in a conference call, that delivery will happen on time and to budget only to find that they let you down.

Part of the reason may be the lack of face to face contact so truth and honesty can be difficult to gauge. It's so much easier to fib over the phone.

What is needed is a real committment from the responsible person. I was recently reminded of the expression "I'm putting my cock on the block over this", and from this I propose the desktop cock block.

At the point of committing to a deliverable, one simply inserts one's cock into the USB controlled block for a snappy photo to be taken. Clearly this will mostly suit people working in the privacy of their own home or cubicle.

The photo is retained but kept secret. At subsequent meetings should committments fail to be delivered, the photo is revealed.

More aggressive organisations may plump for more drastic options. During meetings, cocks are inserted as before (cunning recognition ensures no cock doubles) and failing managers have their companions squished.

DenholmRicshaw, May 12 2011


       I thought a cock block was something entirely different.
tatterdemalion, May 12 2011

       What about vaginae?
idris83, May 12 2011

       They're what people who don't have cocks have, mostly.
hippo, May 12 2011

       I hope this device is warm - we have reputations to maintain.
normzone, May 12 2011

       brave post. no comment. hand on penny (ask if you need to). no vote.
po, May 12 2011

       There's scope for a whole range of officeism office equipment, including a USB chilled bag of sick, a desktop ditch a voodoo you can die in, and a battery operated kimono sporting flasher, this last for the purposes of indicating when complete honesty is required.
calum, May 12 2011

       More effective would be a device resembling a power-operated ty-rap placed around the scrotum, which starts to constrict progressively as the delivery deadline approaches.   

       Untruthful managers would then be readily identifiable by their higher-pitched voices. Better, it would tend to prevent them from reproducing, which would eventually remove their unendearing habits from the gene pool.   

       There is also a huge market for audio recordings of the type" One hundred best managers screaming in agony as their testicles are slowly crushed" which would undoubtably be the top selection on the jukebox in any drinking establishment favoured by tired, embittered, overworked and underpaid engineers.
8th of 7, May 12 2011

       calum, my dear boy - you are probably over paid and under valued but I love you dearly (am pissed btw) never mind. xx   

       trust 8th to get in the way!
po, May 12 2011

       //hand on penny // I believe the phrase is "ha'penny", but far be it from me to judge.
MaxwellBuchanan, May 12 2011

       you probably have more experience in these things (older currency as well, I expect)
po, May 12 2011

       I made a subtle change so that hens could be used instead.
DenholmRicshaw, May 12 2011

       //The photo is retained but kept secret//, protected, I presume, by a desktop cock block lock.
pocmloc, May 12 2011

       Thought this would be an actual chopping block, or maybe a guillotine type thing... you know, 'real' truth or consequences.   

       So, you hold a hapless male chicken hostage against someone else's performance?   

       Can I coin the term "scapecock" at this point?
infidel, May 13 2011

       Helpless male chicken; yes that's right. If the universe is infinite there must be somewhere where this is happening.   

       Scapecock is now my word of the month by the way.
DenholmRicshaw, May 13 2011

       [po] who is penny?   

       will I regret this?
DenholmRicshaw, May 13 2011

       I understand she is very popular in England.
bungston, May 13 2011

       In England it's a tuppence.
marklar, May 14 2011


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