Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Died Like A Dog

World leaders choose which animal they will have “died like”
  [vote for,

Everyone dies.

If you choose to be the leader of a great nation, a not- so- great-nation, a political cause or a terrorist organisation, you’re gonna die.

Your supporters/nation/jihad might choose to honour you with a state funeral, but, hey, whatever, you’re dead.

Your “enemies” might choose to portray you as having died like a particular animal. For their own political gain.

Choose in advance (and publicise) which animal you’re going to die “like”, to deflate their political balloon.

I’m going to die like a wombat.

Frankx, Oct 28 2019


       //I’m going to die like a wombat.// So, you mean a small but noticeable post-mortem increase in intelligence?
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 28 2019

       Yes, probably that. Probably scared, cold and alone.   

       I don’t think there’s any glory in gloating over the death of another person.
Frankx, Oct 28 2019

       But there might be glory, or something, in gloating over ones own?
pocmloc, Oct 28 2019

       // I don’t think there’s any glory //   

       No; but there's satisfaction at a good plan, well executed (ha, ha).   

       We intend to die like C. Botulinus; individual organisms may die, but the germ line continues forever ... ubiquitous, just waiting to strike ...
8th of 7, Oct 28 2019

       HIV would be a better model of that [8th], lurking, Mutating, assimilating across species, recruiting biological mechanisms to replicate... killing only some, but leaving others well enough to unsuspectingly spread your legacy...
Frankx, Oct 28 2019

       ... but nowhere near as infectious or rapidly lethal, and not so vulnerable to containment by relatively simple behavioural changes.   

       Maybe Ebola, then ...
8th of 7, Oct 28 2019

       //I don’t think there’s any glory in gloating over the death of another person.// That's a bit of a sweeping statement. I've set aside time to gloat over a small number of carefully chosen deaths when they happen. After all, it's not going to bother the deceased.   

       If anyone wants to gloat over my death, if it ever happens, they're very welcome to.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 28 2019


       Actually, the most successful viruses must be the ones that gave us Endogenous Retro-Viruses in our DNA. They didn’t kill their host, they assimilated and reproduced with the carrier species’s DNA, to become a permanent part of it.
Frankx, Oct 28 2019

       And the winner of "Jack Ass" is...Wow, that's a no brainer.
blissmiss, Oct 28 2019

       //gloat over my death//   

       [MB], you will have a state funeral to shame any before; virgins will wail at what might have been, grown men will weep, a year of mourning will proceed, followed by an month of weeping every year, Buchananuary.
Frankx, Oct 28 2019

       and [bliss], we brits can’t gloat, we’ve elected 2 of our last 3 premieres from a club for whom sticking their d**k in a dead pig was a right of passage.
Frankx, Oct 28 2019

       Would it have been better or worse if the pig had been alive ?   

       Worse for the pig, definitely. Worse for the perpetrator, very possibly.   

       Worse for everyone else ...?
8th of 7, Oct 28 2019

       Actually [MB], if you wouldn’t mind bequeathing your name to chronology, we could have a 13th month of Buchananuary, re-arrange it and all the others to have 28 days each, and have an Intercalary month of 1 1/4 days named Sturton.
Frankx, Oct 28 2019

       The Dowager Duchess would be delighted by that.
8th of 7, Oct 28 2019

       // [MB], you will have a state funeral to shame any before// That's possible. I've been to a few funerals, and there's always someone in a state.   

       //an Intercalary month of 1 1/4 days named Sturton// That would be confusing. The Intercalary was born in between Sturton and myself (in time, that is; not in space; although come to think of it he was born somewhere between Madagascar and Brazil so, in fact, he is an inbetweener in that sense too), hence his title of The Intercalary. He does have a legal name but, due to a bureaucratic error by his (and probably my) father, it is rather unwieldly and he spurns it. For some years now, he has been saving up for a name transplant should a suitable donor become available.   

       Howevertheless, Buchananuary sounds like an excellent idea, but please don't put it between December and January - that time of year is quite long enough as it is.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 28 2019

       I'd like this better if it were dyed like a dog--skin color changed to patchey black, brown, and white like an Australian shepherd, or a nice, tasteful dalmation spot set.
RayfordSteele, Oct 28 2019

       [MB], please accept my apologies and mortifications. For some inexcusable reason I was confused about the (distinct) identities of the Intercalary and Sturton. Please proffer to them (each) my apologies.   

       Regarding the calendar: with your agreement then, we will go ahead with establishing Buchananuary, between May and June, subject to satisfactorily re-arranging the other 12 months. Would you like the wailing virgins and weeping others to start as soon as established, or just to stand around looking a little confused (which I think is rather more poetic) until your actual demise?   

       Also, what then should be the name of the Intercalary month?
Frankx, Oct 28 2019

       Consider them proffered.   

       Re. this wailing virgin thing, can we get a little clarification? First of all, are these virgins male or female, human or not? It may matter. And, if they're human females, are they virgins because they have been saving themselves, or simply because they are mingers who haven't managed to pull? Again, it may matter. Also, are they going to wail incessantly (which may get annoying), or cessantly?   

       Regarding the Intercalary month, it's probably simplest just to call it The Intercalary Month for now. Obviously, if funds and a compatible donor become available, we may want to revise it.
MaxwellBuchanan, Oct 29 2019

       I'm kinda planning to die like a meadowlark in a GE90 - no need to pickle me, buy me a box, look at my ugly mug, or dig me a hole.
lurch, Oct 29 2019

       Are you thinking of just hitting the fan, or going right through the core ?
8th of 7, Oct 29 2019

       // a GE90   

       Just get on Boing 737 and just wait a bit.
not_morrison_rm, Oct 30 2019

       //hitting the fan, or// ... I shouldn't have used the word "planning", which implies much more control than I expect. It's not like it's something one can practice.
lurch, Nov 01 2019

       Well, you can start small, like the "Stopping a ceiling fan with your head" trick, just to get a feel for the concept ...   

       But the actual "ingestion by high-bypass turbofan" thing is pretty much a one-shot deal, the worst part being you never get to see the YouTube video of the engine exhaust ...
8th of 7, Nov 01 2019

       When you are dying you aren't dead yet.
pashute, May 03 2020

       I could see this as a Monty Python routine. A common skit vehicle they'd do is the "ludicrous tangent". Cowboy walks into a saloon, guns drawn "OK, Texas Bob, be prepared to die like a dirty lemur!"   

       (Saloon keeper) "A dirty what?"   

       (Assassin, about to shoot but interrupted by saloon keeper turns and says..) "Huh? Uhh lemur. He's gonna die like the dirty lemur he is!" (then turns back to start shooting)   

       (Saloon gal) "Don't you mean dirty dog?"   

       (Assassin, now getting cross from these interruptions.)   

       "Wha... NO! I like dogs!"   

       (Piano player) "Yes, but the expression is die like a dirty dog, not die like a dirty lemur."   

       (Assassin, putting his guns down to his side, absolutely incredulous at this point.) "What are you saying? That lemurs aren't dirty? Have you ever smelled a lemur up close? They're filthy!"   

       (Piano player) "Have YOU ever smelled a lemur?"   

       etc. Long diatribe between various characters about sniffing lemurs, being a dirty lemur sniffer being worse than just being a dog etc. Then the writers get bored and cut to another skit at some point.
doctorremulac3, May 03 2020

       OK, the fun is gone now. Somebody decided to walk out on a runway in Austin, Texas and try for the turbine on a landing 737.   

       Wasn't tidy; repairs & cleanup will be extensive and expensive, and there will be sufficient trauma to go around.
lurch, May 11 2020


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