Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dirtbag Bar For Wannabes

So you too can feel tough.
  [vote for,

You walk down a dark alley. You slip past a bouncer bulging with muscles. Inside the bar, there are few lightbulbs, but these are obscured by smoke. In the shadows, cigerettes glow. You lean on the bar and put down a bill. The bartender hands you a glass full of unidentified beer. After an hour or so, the fight begins. Only licensed actors well-versed in stage combat participate. You scan the room, spotting the men in suits sitting at a large, round table smoking cigars and speaking of men with names like "Tony 'Two-By-Four' Valencio" and "Joey the Dick." In a corner, a man in a coat exchanges packets for money.

And it's all completely fake. Your own clothes--scuffed leather motorcycle club jacket, beat-up jeans, T-shirt with an obscure logo on it, have all been purchased from the bar's website. Your hair has been artfully mussed using a special hairspray. All utterly fake, all utterly safe. Everyone here is roleplaying, be they cubicle slave, supermarket checker, or medical intern.

Eugene, Apr 11 2003

Want a fight? Come on Inn! http://www.halfbake..._20Come_20on_20Inn!
by Jinbish. "Theme bar where fake fights break out." [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Martial-Arts-Fight-Scene Restaurant http://www.halfbake...-Scene_20Restaurant
By The_Englishman_Abroad. [my face your, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Some unashamed self-publicity http://www.halfbake...0And_20A_20McGuffin
Where you go to sober up afterwards [Guy Fox, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

And the daddy of them all, I'd say http://www.halfbake.../Film_20Noir_20Home
Hell, we could have a whole Hollyworld here [Guy Fox, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]

Drive there in one of these... http://www.halfbake...aux_20Muscle_20Cars
[krelnik, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]


       All completely fake, huh? Utterly safe?   

       I don't suppose I could put on on one of those slinky noirish "Bad Girl Trying to Get Shady Detective to Do Her Bidding" dresses, sidle up to some bad-news character in the bar, and ask him to whack a certain high-profile government official for me, could I?   

       Heck, Eugene. Pour me a tall one. I'm in.
1percent, Apr 11 2003

       you got it! This could extend somewhat outside, make it a sort of SCA thing....only film noir society. But the real focus would be in the bar, I think. I love the "shady bar" setting.
Eugene, Apr 11 2003

       Okay, here's how it's gonna go. I'll be wearing a red dress; you make sure Johnny Bones wears a wifebeater, and tell him if I see a copy of the Patriot Act sticking out of his jeans pocket, the deal's off.   

       A fake fight next to the broken jukebox would provide perfect cover. Can't really fake the smoke, though.   

       Speaking of smoke: I hope the Scotch, at least, is real ...
1percent, Apr 11 2003

       Of course. It's all real, to that extent. But you're not going to get beat up simply because you're a wannabe. This is the place for wannabes. Though if you get drunk and disorderly, you'll be handled. Those stage combat actors are also bouncers.
Eugene, Apr 11 2003

       Breakaway chairs & bottles made of sugar?
snarfyguy, Apr 11 2003

Eugene, Apr 11 2003

       Polystyrene replica of a Louisville Slugger?
angel, Apr 12 2003

       Of course, you also want actors to come in every so often with a battered photograph of some pretty young girl on a farmstead, saying "You know this girl? Ever seen her around here." Which would also be good cue for a fight to break out.   

       Yeah, book me a booth at the back.   

       <<slaps a croissant down on the bar, picks up a bottle and a glass, and pours an overflowing shot for his elf>>
Guy Fox, Apr 12 2003

       How would you keep the real dirtbags out? We're everywhere you know.
half, Apr 12 2003

       This would wind up as a place for real shady business to go down, under the guise of fake shady business. Great place to sell drugs I'd imagine. I like.
notme, Apr 12 2003

       A good place to sell fake drugs, like cake.
my face your, Apr 12 2003

       I'd think the dress code alone would keep the "real" bad guys out. I've met some bad characters in Armani suits, but I have yet to meet a single bad guy in a studded leather jacket and tattoos.   

       Someone will have to explain this to me, one day. It's my current (uninformed) opinion that the very freedom to dress like a dirtbag helps put the wearer of said dirtbag gear in such a good frame of mind that he's actually very pleasant company. By the same token, if I had to tie a knot around my throat every morning, I think I'd be inclined to kick somebody's ass every once in a while.   

       Of course, apply my logic to Eugene's idea and the "real", Armani-wearing bad guys would be clamoring to get into the DBFW ... probably itching for the chance to deliver the ass-kicking of the day at close quarters, rather than from the relative safety of their bad-guy offices.   

       Bad-guy authenticity issues aside, I still like it. I'd love to see the business plan. Have your people call my people, Eugene ...   

       [Turns on heel, walks back into her bad-girl office]
1percent, Apr 12 2003


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