Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Divorce Registry

Give gifts to those who really need them.
  (+13, -1)(+13, -1)
(+13, -1)
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As a thirtysomething bride who is engaged to marry her equally mature groom, I am shocked -- shocked! -- by the greed involved in the custom of registering for wedding gifts. If the marrying couple is young and has not yet established a home together, registering for electric mixers and linen tablecloths is less of an outrage. But why should anyone buy ten table settings of bone china for a deliriously happy adult couple who have already combined their well-stocked kitchens? They're happy, they're getting married; why make them even more enviable?

The people who could really use gift registries are those who are getting divorced. I propose a new tradition, similar to the engagement process:

1. The couple decides to divorce.
2. They inform their friends in writing; tucked inside each letter is a small card naming the stores at which the ex-bride and ex-groom have registered (Crate&Barrel, Habitat, furniture stores, lingerie boutiques, small-weapons emporia).
3. They set the date on which the divorce will be final, and plan two separate divorce parties, on or around that date.
4. The divorcing couple's friends bring their gifts to the party, or can optionally send gifts up to a year after the date of the divorce. In this way, the ex-bride and ex-groom can stock their kitchens, living rooms, bookcases, etc., with everything the departing partner took away.

In divorce as in marriage, the gifts will not guarantee the success of the endeavor. But we all (the married, the divorced, the retailers) can agree: there are times when it's much easier to be happy because you have a barista-quality polished brass espresso maker and milk steamer on your kitchen counter.

1percent, Sep 10 2002


       Let me know when you get this set up.
waugsqueke, Sep 10 2002

bristolz, Sep 10 2002

       Maybe they could also register which or both they will continue to be friends with, so neither ends up short.
FarmerJohn, Sep 11 2002

       <insert>Sam Kinison scream</insert>
thumbwax, Sep 11 2002

       What a great idea...and you could falsely register under your-soon-to-be divorced mate's name and ask for a Box-O-Crap.
goober, Sep 14 2005

       My work colleague had this idea last week and I was going to post it but alas, and not for the first time, the bakery pips me to the post by a slim half-decade. Still, a bun, because I would have given myself one.
theleopard, Jun 01 2007


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