Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Dolittle Doors

for creature calling
  [vote for,

I have an inescapable desire to talk to animals in their own tongue. I find it pleasurable to purr with my cat and wouldn’t say neigh to exchanging some horse sense over a fence. When driving in the country, the sight of cattle or sheep causes a welling-up of moo’s and baa’s, but they’re often obstructed by the speed, noise and the window holding in temperate air.

I would like a row of small, red, rubber bulbs on the inside of the door. Each would have a label with white text on black background in etched plastic or enamel with names like “cow” or “dog” or “reindeer”. Squeezing a bulb would produce (probably electronically) the utterance of that particular beast.

Even my passengers would appreciate being able to talk to others during an outing. A slight pressure on a bulb would result in a reverent animal whisper to salute sighted road kill. Owners of Volvos and Saabs might be surprised to hear the “nöff” of a pig, the “vov vov” of a dog, the “krax” of a crow, the “kvack” of a frog and a rooster’s “kuckeliku”.

FarmerJohn, Mar 31 2004

Sounds of the World's Animals http://www.georgeto...ulty/ballc/animals/
[FarmerJohn, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

35 Sound Horn System for Automobiles http://www.jcwhitne...D=101&storeId=10101
This bit of add-on automotive kit comes complete with sheep, cow, cat, hen, dog, rooster, goose , duck and frog horn sounds built in. Sadly, it has no small red rubber bulbs on the standard unit. However, it will also imitate a machine gun, if that's any consolation. [jurist]

The Takara Bow-Lingual http://www.takara-u...com/bowlingual.html
Man's best friend is his dog translator. [jurist, Oct 17 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

The Takara Bow-Lingual http://www.takara-usa.com/bowlingual.html
Man's best friend is his dog translator. [DrBob, Oct 17 2004]


       I said hello to a blackbird this morning - it was about 1 foot away from my face. gawd, I am seriously losing the plot here.
po, Mar 31 2004

       [po], not at all. I do it all the time. They even talk back.
saker, Mar 31 2004

       There were some cockatoos in a courtyard near the office in which I used to work; which someone had taught to say "good morning!" It confused me the first time, because I didn't know it was the birds.
Detly, Mar 31 2004

       When talking to animals I find that the tone of voice is more important than the actual language used. A cheery "Good morning Mr Squirrel" always gets a better response than a sullen "Sod off you little tree-rat". So I'm voting against on the grounds that this would be merely generating noise rather than communication.
DrBob, Mar 31 2004

       And a cheery "Sod off you little tree-rat" always gets a better response than a sullen "Good morning Mr Squirrel".
FarmerJohn, Mar 31 2004

       Or a sinister "Good morning, missssssster Sssssssquirrel". With a furtive leer. Funnily enough, there was an item on TV last night about a dog translator that has been invented in Japan. Probably give results such as
The stars have faded to day
The sun warms the grass
Please let me out for a pee.

       Or something.
squeak, Mar 31 2004

       Nice one [squeak]!
gnomethang, Mar 31 2004

       Quite, FarmerJohn. Quite.

Link added for squeak. Enjoy!

Once again it is seen that, whilst most of us merely knock around a few half-baked ideas, the Japanese embrace them wholeheartedly, mass produce them and then buy them. You've got to admire their pluck.
DrBob, Apr 01 2004

       And the fact that only they have created and filled a market for "plushes" (pronounced with an 'oo').
Detly, Apr 02 2004

       Ha! Of course, I meant instead of simple acoustical horns.
FarmerJohn, Apr 02 2004

       I just want one that screams "WOLF WOLF WOLF" in deerspeak. My neighborhood is thick with deer, and I don't want to hit them!
DonBirnam, Apr 02 2004

       We had a neighbor (at the beautiful village of Ein Hod) who owned a sheep named Rachel. (Rachel in ancient Hebrew is a mature female sheep). His name was Omer and he worked at home doing car repairs in his back yard . Every day his wife would come home and call him: Omerrr! Then one day she comes home and before she had a chance to say a word she hears O meh eh eh errr! O meh eh eh errr!! Only after a long search for the voice's origin did she find out it was Rachel.
pashute, Mar 11 2018

       Er, are you quite sure this wasn't in wales ? Sheep that look and sound like the welsh are disturbingly commonplace, due to the significant proportion of shared cultural* heritage and indeed DNA ...   

       *There is actually such a thing as welsh culture, although if you spray it with a strong solution of hypochlorite bleach it will eventually wipe off.
8th of 7, Mar 11 2018

       // a friend of mine, (who is long dead) once bought a sheep for a pet //   

       It would be reassuring if you could confirm the total absence of any causal relationship between those two statements.
8th of 7, Mar 12 2018


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