h a l f b a k e r y
A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a rich, flaky crust
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When to dust? If you run your finger along a surface, the amount of
dust it collects is dependent on the distance travelled, as well as on
the absolute dust density. If you rely on visual means, a great deal
depends on the colour of the surface and on the incident light, as
well as on your
Deciding-when-to-dust quandaries begone!!!
MaxCo is slightly proud to introduce the MaxCo Dustometer. This
dynamically unexciting device consists of a standardised LED light
source beneath a horizontal glass plate, and a light sensor mounted
just next to the light. As dust accumulates on the glass plate, more
light is scattered back to the light sensor. When a predefined user-
selected threshold is reached (choose between "Spick", "Span", "Spick
AND Span", "Clean", "Acceptable", "Dusty" and "Pompeii"), a small
light flashes and the unit begins to mutter pre-recorded criticisms of
your housekeeping skills. The unit auto-calibrates itself every few
seconds to compensate for ambient light levels.
Simply place the MaxCo Dustometer in any quiet corner, switch on,
and leave. Or install the batteries (not included) to access its
||Excellent. A portable dust spectrophotometer.
||This would be great for lazy housekeepers--they would only have to dust that tiny plate.
||//functionality can be accessed//
||Now wash your mouth out with soap!
||At the end of the "tolerance to dust" dial there ought to be a
"Quentin Crisp" setting. He famously didn't clean his
apartment, defending this practice by saying something like
"After four years the dust doesn't get any worse".
||Feather duster in hand, I stand looking dubiously at the MaxCo Dustometer on the mantle. Looks ok to me, but I tap it anyway. The pre-recorded voice states, "If you dust now, you will inhale 407 micrograms of particulate before it all settles back to where it was."
||Hmmm. That rounds to 0 milligrams, which means there's no dust, and therefore no reason to waste the time. Good 'nuff.