Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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The phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.

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Electric Postbox

That'll Learn You To Stamp Properly
(+7, -7)
  [vote for,

Just before I start I think that I'll clarify a few things. I am a native Brititsh person (Well Welsh actually but few of you will know where that is, and far fewer will care). If you are by the bad luck of genetics, an American, or in fact of some other english speaking nationality, then please substitute the word postbox for mailbox. If necessary also substitute the word colour for the lesser "word" color, the word lift for elevator and the word idiot for George W Bush.

Do you have any idea how many letters and parcels are incorrectly stamped when they are posted? Not being a postman, I neither know nor care (I'm mostly here for the electric bit). What is needed is a scanner at the opening to every post box to scan all incoming mail. If said mail is incorrectly stamped, instead of going into the main letter storage box, it will be deposited out the bottom of the letterbox and the person who dropped it in will recieve a sharp jolt of electricity. Nothing life-threatening of course (That would lead to less postings, mass postman redundancies, and the creation of the postman hobo). It must be just enough to teach the person that the wrath of the post office is mighty and wide reaching.

hidden truths, Jan 17 2005


       Royal Mail would loose a lot of money. They get more money for unpaid post than they do for correctly stamped post. Also, they would need to shell out for the machines. This loss in money would result in a shakier financial situation for Royal Mail, resulting in job losses. Is that what you want? Timmy comes home from school to find his father without a job and they have to go and live with Grandmama on the Isle of Wight? Actually, that wouldn't be too bad...another lemonade please, Grandma...
[ sctld ], Jan 17 2005

       I have all of Electric Postbox's records. what a group.
benfrost, Jan 17 2005

       Complete rubbish. I enjoyed every line. [+]
wagster, Jan 17 2005

       Stamps, though, come in a wide variety of sizes and style and, indeed, whatnot. A person might also used a pre-franked envelope, sent to them by someone who has nominated them for a huge cash prize. As such, I feel that the scanner proposed might be an extremely complex and expensive bit of kit and might render the iconic red post box a bit of a monstrosity, looking like a sunburned dalek. The alternative, I suppose, is to adapt stamps to include easily machine readable barcodes, which seems easy enough.   

       Welcome, [hidden truths], to the 'bakery. Please accept my commiserations on your being Welsh and my congratulations on your not being English.
calum, Jan 17 2005

       ignore him - often seen in a skirt. nice legs though.
po, Jan 17 2005

       By 'incorrectly stamped' I assume you mean that the stamps are not of sufficient value to cover the postage charge? If so then why not do away with stamps altogether and just have this whizzo new post box analyse the address when you push your letter in through the slot, work out the appropriate charge and demand the correct money. If the payment is forthcoming then it can do the stamping itself (and issue you a reciept as proof of posting) and if not then it incinerates the letter and anything/anyone else within a ten foot radius.

Commiserations on being Welsh by the way but look on the bright side. At least you are neither a) Scottish or b) a lawyer.
DrBob, Jan 17 2005

       [DrBob], How do you know that he's not a lawyer? Maybe they have lawyers in Wales. And lawyers have been known to have hidden truths.
robinism, Jan 17 2005

       Well, let's examine the evidence m'lud.

It's a well known fact (inside my head anyway) that Wales is a wild and lawless country which has resisted the beneficent civilising influence of the English for centuries. Therefore Welsh = Lawless and Lawless = No Lawyers.

Judging from [hidden truths]' bloodthirsty desire for vigilante justice it would seem reasonable to believe the claim that this person is Welsh. Therefore [hidden truths] = Welsh.

From this it can be seen that No Lawyers are Welsh. [hidden truths] is Welsh. Therefore [hidden truths] is No Lawyer.

Also, and more convincingly, you can read the idea (poor punctuation and grammar notwithstanding) without having to employ a lawyer to translate it.
DrBob, Jan 17 2005

       Following [DrBob]'s logic: No one in Wales needs to lock the door or keep a secret.   

       Where do I enlist to fight for that country?
reensure, Jan 17 2005

       Don't go to Chester [hidden_truths], it is still legal there to shoot Welshmen with a bow and arrow.
wagster, Jan 17 2005

       We need another marked for deletion category to weed out these "shock therapy" ideas.
phundug, Jan 17 2005

       But does the (green-paint-daubed) Welsh version of the electric postbox only accept letters with a 1p stamp stuck upside-down in the middle of the back of the envelope?
prufrax, Jan 17 2005

       My thanks go out to [wagster], who has summed up my entire philosophy to life in a half-dozen words   

       I am in slight awe of [calum], this sunburned dalek suggestion of yours is a concept I had never even considered.
You can almost imagine the army of moving killer postboxes. Perhaps this is the way of the future. Note that very few post offices have stairs.

       [DrBob]s suggestion is interesting but without previously mentioned dalek-like accessories, this would make the postbox a target for vandalism. Unfortunately Electricity is a poor match against stones.   

       To end the debate. Whilst I am currently neither of the two, I am in fact training to be lawyer. Thus I'm afraid your congratulations are ill advised [DrBob]. It is the Welsh lawlessness that gives me reason to go on. (That and my desire for vigilante justice).   

       A popular place to enlist to fight for the Welsh is in Wales [reensure]. I fail to see why you wouldn't want to lock a door in a lawless country though.   

       Looks as though I'm not going on that holiday to Chester after all. Just as I was packing my bags and all.   

       I see shock therapy as a kind of pulp entertainment. Fun in small doses, unless you are on the recieving end. Then any amount isn't much fun really.   

       Out of interest, what are you on about [prufax]?
hidden truths, Jan 18 2005

       Whilst I was at university, the post box outside Panycelyn Hall in Aberystwyth was always being painted green as part of some ongoing Welsh language campaign against the Royal Mail.   

       The stamp bit may be more generic anarchist though - piss off the royal mail by only paying 1p, plus show contempt for the Queen by putting her image upside down, or something.
prufrax, Jan 21 2005

       Scene: A London pub.   

       Skinhead - What do you think about all these immigrants?   

       Welshman - I think you should get out of our country and go back to Denmark where you belong.   

       //substitute the word postbox for mailbox// sp. replace the word postbox with mailbox, or substitute the word mailbox for postbox.
spidermother, Nov 18 2011


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