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Eliminate P

Say it, don't spray it.
  [vote for,

It is bad manners to cough and sneeze on people. But anyone who has listened to an inexperienced speaker use a microphone, or watched someone speak in strong oblique light has realized that the spoken consonant P is invariably accompanied by a spray of fomite-laden saliva. In this era of resurgent tuberculosis, SARS and bird flu, there is no reason to tolerate a speech habit which directly leads to contagion, debility and death.

I propose that in spoken language, the consonant K replace P. Some experimentation will show that this substitution works for all cases, sounds similar, and most important, avoids the pursed lip ejection of ejecta.

bungston, Jun 06 2006

Consonantal transformations -- norring to sreeze at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhotacism
All your consonant is belong to "R" [nihilo, Jun 07 2006]

Ventriloquism lesson http://www.browniel.../ventriloquism.html
[Ling, Jun 07 2006]

Welcome to our ool. http://i22.ebayimg....i/05/e8/c3/5a_1.JPG
[nihilo, Jun 09 2006]


       //pursed lip // "kursed lip" An effect of trying this?
baconbrain, Jun 06 2006

       sk. kursed lik
methinksnot, Jun 06 2006

       a sconie for that one [boysparks]
Zimmy, Jun 06 2006

       Does `b` not also produce the same lip movement, [kungston]?
Jinbish, Jun 06 2006

       um, i think that there are some people for whom this may be the case, and some for whom it may not. although i would like to see your testing procedures for this, did you use a control group? how about a large sample size?
tcarson, Jun 07 2006

       Right you are, [Jinbish]. B is a superfluous consonant anyway, indistinguishable from p in spoken words. It will also be replaced by K.
bungston, Jun 07 2006

       We're talking bilabial plosives, voiced and unvoiced. Although the IPA does not use any notation for saliva sprayage, it's an assumed and integral part of speech. You could no sooner eliminate it than successfully ban fricatives or sibilants.
nihilo, Jun 07 2006

       As [nihilo] said, B vs. P is voiced vs. unvoiced. So, the correct substition would be 'Gungston' (G is to K as B is to P)
pertinax, Jun 07 2006

       Hate is a strong word; one that I use sparingly. So, note when I say that I *hate* those stupid fricatives.
methinksnot, Jun 07 2006

       Sufferin' Succotash!
Jinbish, Jun 07 2006

       Everyone should be a trained ventriloquist - problem solved.   

       Getty gought sone gutter, gut the gutter getty gought ooas gitter...See, no skit!
Ling, Jun 07 2006

       What about those words where substituting K for P could be...well... just come over here and give me a kiss.   

       Every time I say "bilabial plosives" and "fricatives or sibilants", I have to wipe off my monitor... there it goes again...
MoreCowbell, Jun 08 2006

       //There are lots of sounds the human mouth is capable of making which are not part of every language.//   

       The antecedent of "it" was "saliva sprayage"; saliva sprayage is an assumed and integral part of speech, not the letter 'P'.
nihilo, Jun 08 2006

       The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru !   

       Oldy but goody.
kuupuuluu, Jun 08 2006

       here's an idea, lets all stop speaking entirely!
webfishrune, Jun 08 2006

       If you eliminate P, our subways and undergrounds would smell better. I find this a benefit.
sartep, Jun 09 2006

       If we go ahead and kill the letter P, how will people make the tounge-out emoticon?   

       :K is not the same as :P   

       Actually, I think :K looks like a kitty cat. So now I'm in favor of this idea.
notmarkflynn, Jun 09 2006

       the tongue-out emotion? The Brooklyn cheer? (or is this all within the realm of the emoticon?
Zimmy, Jun 09 2006


       Who's a pretty kitty? You are! Yes you are!
notmarkflynn, Jun 09 2006


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